Rebel Love Song

“Sky, can you grab me a hat?” Jules asked, sitting on the edge of her bed. Her head was completely smooth and hair free from the chemotherapy. I’d hunted down the softest hats I could possibly find and brought them all to her. I tossed her one that I’d picked out for her, a gray beanie, and she slid it on.

“I’ll go get Lily ready if you’re okay.” I said.

“I’m fine. Go get the munchkin ready.” It killed me to see my sister like this. We were identical twins, down to the last freckle. The only way they could tell us apart before the chemo was my tattoos and piercings. Now my sister was pale and skinny, without the thick black hair we’d inherited from our Polish Romany grandmother. Her eyes didn’t even have the same light in them anymore.

I was literally watching my twin sister waste away before my eyes. The doctors said she has four months left, if she’s lucky.

“Lily, sweetie, time to get up.” I lifted my five year old niece out of her bed. She looked just like her mama, all green eyes and dark hair. Her dad Zachary passed away a little while after she was born. He was a lawyer, killed by a gang he was helping to put away.

“Where are we going?” Lily said sleepily, rubbing her eyes with her chubby little fists.

“We’re going to the park.” I set her back down on the bed and started picking out some clothes for her.

“Mommy too?”

“Of course Mommy too.” Jules said from the doorway. She looked pale and a little winded, but she was standing.

“Jules, sit down.” I guided her over to the bed. “You shouldn’t be moving so much yet.”

“I can still come dress my daughter.” Jules shot back. I let her dress Lily and went to turn the car on. I couldn’t give my sister much more than that at this point. A few minutes later we were on our way.

Once we got to the park I held Lily in one arm and held my other out to Jules. She ignored it and started walking by herself. She never wanted to look weak in front of Lily. My sister was just as stubborn as I was.

Jules and I situated ourselves on a bench and watched Lily play on the playground. A lot of the other little girls were wearing dresses and sandals. Lily was wearing a plaid flannel shirt, leggings and little tiny Converse. Every time she outgrew them, I got her a new pair.

“That girl is gonna be a heartbreaker.” I remarked, watching her play with the little boys.

“I wish I could be there to see it.” Jules said, swiping at her eyes. “God, I wish I could see her grow up.”

“Jules…” My eyes stung. “Honey, you’ll always be with her. You’ll never leave her.”

“I won’t see her get married or have kids. I’ll never hold my grandchildren.” Soon both of us were crying, getting some weird looks from the other moms.

“I want my daughter to have two parents.” Jules said, her voice suddenly strong.

“As soon as I get married, she will.” I promised.

“That could be years from now. I need you to find her godfather. His name is Jake Pitts.” I vaguely remembered him. He’d been best man at Jules and Zack’s wedding and I’d seen him at the baptism. And Zack’s funeral, of course.

“I’ll call him when we get home, okay? We should go. You don’t look that great.”

“I’m…really tired.” She sighed.

“I’ll go lasso the munchkin.” It took a minute to corral her but soon we were on our way home. Jules fell asleep as soon as I got her back into the house.

“Auntie Sky?” Lily said, standing next to me while I fixed her some lunch.

“Yeah honey?” I knelt down so she could talk to me normally. I hated when people talked down to kids, like they don’t understand things.

“Mommy’s gonna leave soon isn’t she?” Looking into her eyes, an exact copy of Jules and mine, I had to dig my nails into my palm to keep from crying.

“I’m so sorry baby.” I hugged her tightly, stroking her hair. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“You’ll take care of me?”

“Of course.”

“Pinky promise?” She held out her little hand and I wrapped my pinky around hers.

“Pinky promise.” I kissed her forehead. “Go take this in and eat with your mom.” She headed off with the two plates and I leaned my head against the cabinet.

Jules’s words from earlier echoed in my head. I had no idea how to even find Lily’s godfather. Jules probably would. I padded down the hall to her room.

“Hey Jules, any idea what Jake’s number is?” I asked, leaning against the door frame with my food.

“I think Zack had it in his address book.” Jules pointed to the black leather book on the dresser. I flipped it open and sure enough, his number was there. I crossed my fingers, hoping he hadn’t changed it. I dialed it and waited until someone picked up.

“Hi, this is Skylar Vincent. Is Jake there?”