I Can Still Be Your Superman

“And we’re back live, this is Ryan Seacrest on Kiis FM with none other than Nick Jonas and Morgan Fields. Welcome back guys.” Ryan said energetically into the microphone in front of him.

“Thank you Ryan, it’s good to be back. I feel like it was just yesterday that we were here.” Nick said.

“Well, it was only a few months ago.” I joked, getting everyone to laugh breify.

“That is true though, Morgan. What has it been... five months since the last time you two were here? And you’ve done so much, so fast. I mean you wrote, recorded, and produced your album, video, and got a tour together. How on earth did you two do it?”

“A lot of coffee and late nights.” Nick joked before continuing. “But, seriously, when its listed like that, it seems like a lot -”

“And it is.” I interjected, causing Nick to glare at me briefly.

“But, the timing of it all just worked out.”

“That’s still incredible and exhausting, I don’t care what you say. But anyway, your single, ‘Let Me Fall for You’, aired number one on iTunes the night it was released and has been on top ever since. Did you ever think that would happen, Morgan?”

I shook my head. “No way. I’m still surprised when I hear that. It’s really mind blowing to me that people enjoy the music we put so much into. It’s incredible.”

“Now, who wrote the song? Or did both of you contribute equally?”

“Well, we did write the song together alone with John Fields, but most of it came from Nick.” I replied.

“Okay then, Nick, where did you get the inspiration for the song? What’s it really about?” Ryan asked, shifting his weight toward Nick.

“It’s about when you like someone and they have, feelings for you too, but they’re too scared to open up to you completely.” Nick replied smoothly, like he’s practiced the answer before (which he probably did).

“Is it about anyone specifically?” Ryan asked, his eyes darting to me quickly before resting back on Nick.

“Not really,” He replied. “I just kept seeing movies and TV shows with that kind of plt and got inspired.”

“Getting inspired by every day life, amazing. We’ll be right back with Nick Jonas and Morgan Fields, but now is their new single. This is ‘Let Me Fall for You’ by Nick Jonas and the Administration.”

The opening chords started playing and I pulled the headphones out of my ears, mimicking Nick and Ryan.

“You guys are doing great so far. After the song we’re going to talk about the tour and stuff, then go to commercial and give away concert tickets. Sound good?” Ryan said, glancing between Nick and me.

“Sounds good.” Nick said as I just nodded.

Nick and Ryan started to talk about some awards shows that was coming up, but I tuned them out and checked my phone.

Good luck with Ryan. 
 You’ll do great, love.

It was a text from Cameron. We haven’t talked as frequently as we planned before he went on tour, mostly because whenever I came home from tour rehersals I was ready to collapse and almost always did. But a small part of me didn’t really want to talk to him. Ever since I ran away, he has this tone of worry and nervousness - like if he says one wrong thing, I’ll disappear again. I didn’t want to be talked to like a child and that’s exactly what he was doing.

“Alright, we’re on in ten.” Ryan said, pulling me out of my head, and slipped his headphones back on; Nick and I following suit.

“And we’re back. That was ‘Let Me Fall for You’ by Nick Jonas and the Administration and I’m here with two members of that band, Nick Jonas and Morgan Fields. You guys are going on tour soon, aren’t you?”

“Our first show is actually tomorrow, Ryan, in Seattle.” Nick answered.

“Exciting stuff. It’s your first show ever, right Morgan? You nervous at all?”

“Yeah it is, and I think nervous is an understatement.” I said, laughing shortly. “I think I’ll be okay once I get the first song under my belt, but we’ll see.”

“I’m sure you’ll do great. I mean, when you two performed the last time you were here was incredible.”

I felt my cheeks redden. “Awe, thanks Ryan.”

“So, what should the fans expect on this tour?”

“It’s very relaxed compared to a Jonas Brothers’ show.” Nick responded. “There aren’t as many theatrical elements; it’s just us and our instruments. I’m excited, it should be a lot of fun.”

“Are all the songs you’re going to perform on the new album?”

“Some of them are, as well as a few songs from the first Administration and a few Jonas Brother songs.”

“And a few fun surprises.” I added, smirking.

“Care to give us a hint as to what those surprises are?”

“Um...” I trailed off. “They involve us playing instruments.” I responded, causing everyone to laugh.

“That’s a huge clue.” Ryan said sarcastically.

“Well, if I gave you a clue, it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore, and that’s no fun.”

“Touché, and speaking of fun surprises; I have two VIP tickets to Nick Jonas and the Administration’s Light and Shadows Tour show in Los Angeles on September 17 for one lucky caller. Be caller number fourteen - why fourteen?”

“It’s my lucky number.” I responded.

Ryan chucked. “Be caller number fourteen and you can win. The number is 1-866-555-5447. Again that’s 1-866-555-5447. We’ll be right back, this is Kiis FM.” Ryan said, pulling out his headphones, and rose to get a bottle of water.

I turned to Nick as I slipped my headphones out of my ears. “You alright? You seem really quiet fro whatever reason.”

“Nah, I’m alright. I’m just watching you. You’re handling this really well.”

“Well, I guess I’m just getting used to this whole interview idea. Especially since we did two yesterday.” I said, but ducked my head in an attempt to hid a small blush that I felt rise to my cheeks.

“Well there’s that, but you seem... lighter, I guess, since we got back from Jersey.”

I shrugged just as Ryan walked back into the room. I didn’t respond to Nick’s comment, but it was true. I’ve felt lighter since we came back from Jersey. For the first time in ten years I didn’t feel like I had all this weight on my shoulders and having Nick be the one who helped made the most sense out of everyone. He just pulled it out of me, again. We haven’t been able to talk about it at all since that day on the bench, but I needed to. I needed to tell Nick how much it meant to me and how grateful I was.

“You guys ready?” Ryan asked as he slipped his headphones back on. We both nodded and got ready for us to go back on air.

I took a deep breath as the On Air light lit up and Ryan began speaking. “And we’re back, this is On Air with Ryan Seacrest on Kiis FM. Right now I’m with Nick Jonas and Morgan Fields of Nick Jonas and the Administration and we’re trying to give away two VIP tickets to their show in LA. Before we do that, Nick, tell us what’s included in a VIP ticket.”

“A VIP ticket includes an exclusive Meet and Greet, attendance to soundcheck, an autographed tour poster, and - of course - seats to the actual concert.”

“So, this is one ultimate concert experience that we’re about to give away to lucky caller number fourteen, right now.” Ryan said, pushing a button on the switchboard in front of him. “Hello, is this Jessica?”

There was a pause before the voice of a teenage girl came through. “Yes,” She said breathlessly. I thought I could hear her taking short, hollow breaths over the line.

“Well, this is Ryan Seacrest and you’re lucky caller number fourteen!” Ryan said emphatically.

“You’re kidding.” The girl said. I smiled. I would have bet that her mouth was wide open in shock.

“No ma’am. You and one friend now have VIP tickets to Nick Jonas and the Administration’s tour on September 17 in LA. Are you excited?”

There was a moment of dead air before a loud, piercing scream rippled through the headphones. “OhmyGod, this can’t be happening, this just can’t be happening. Gah!”

“I’m going to take that as a ‘yes’, Ryan.” I said jokingly and glanced at Nick’s amused face. He always told me this was his favorite part of his job - the fans’ reaction. Now I really understood why.

“Yes, that’s a yes. I’m absolutely in love with the new single.”

“Thank you, that means a lot.” Nick said calmly, but his eyes lit up in happiness. “We can’t wait to meet you at the show.”

“Same here!” Jessica yelled into her phone’s receiver.

“Well, congratulations Jessica on your tickets and I want to thank Nick Jonas and Morgan Fields for being here with me this lovely afternoon. We’ll be right back, this is Kiis FM.”

***

“You did very well with Ryan before.” Uncle John said as soon as he spotted me in the airport’s private jet lounge. After the interview, Nick and I hopped in a car so we could get to Seattle. Once we get there, we are supposed to settle into our tour bus, check out the venue, and crash at a hotel overnight.

I smiled and sank into one of the leather chairs. “Thanks, I think I’m getting the hang of those things. Though, I don’t really understand why I’m doing them. I mean, I’m only in the band, no offense, it’s not like I’m Nick or something.” I said, glancing over to Nick who was standing near the windows, his phone pressed to his ear.

“You haven’t been just anything since you got here Morgan. Why would now be any different?” He responded, laughing lightly. “Speaking of Nick, what did you talk about in Jersey? There’s something... different about the both of you; if you don’t mind me asking.”

I shrugged. “I just told him about parts of my past - the reasons why I ran before. The whole running off to Jersey seemed... unjustified if I didn’t explain to him, you know?”

Uncle John nodded, even though he didn’t know the complete story; not as much as Nick anyway. “Nothing else?”

I shook my head, “No, should there have been?”

He paused to think before shaking his head, “No, just wondering. Im going to ask Nick when our plane’s leaving.”

I nodded, but eyed him suspiciously as he walked over to Nick and began speaking to him rapidly.
...‘Cause Jersey just got colder and
I’ll have you know -

“Yellow,” I said after I pulled my phone out of my bag.

“Purple!” Jenn exclaimed on the other side.

“You have impeccable timing, have I ever told you that?”

“Probably, why?”

“I just finished talking to Uncle John and I’m waiting to get on a plane to Seattle.”

Jenn laughed, “What can I say, I know when you’re free. So, I heard you on Ryan’s show before, very professional.”

“Thanks, I think.”

“You’re welcome, but tell me one thing.”

“What?” I asked cautiously. Whenever Jenn started a question like that, it was followed by a question I didn’t want to answer.

“Why didn’t Nick answer the questions about the single honestly?” She blurted.

I paused. “As far as I know, he did.”

“And as far as I know, anyone with eyes, ears, and basic logic skills could figure out that he was lying.”

“And what do you think the right answer to whatever question you think he lied about is?”

“Easy. He said he wrote the song about no one specifically, which is a lie. He wrote it about you.” She answered simply. “He even pretty much spelled it out when he was explaining what it was about too, if you payed attention.”

I sighed deeply and sunk farther into my chair. “If you’re going to start with this stuff again, I’m just going to hang up now.” Ever since I told Jenn everything that happened in Jersey, she’s been back on the ‘Nick still loves you’ train and hasn’t stopped.

“You’re just angry that you know I’m right.”

“No, I’m just getting tired of repeating myself. Nothing is happening.”

“You keep telling yourself that.” She said, laughing. “How’s Cameron doing, by the way? You never told me how he reacted to why you ran.”

“He didn’t react because I didn’t tell him.”

“You what!? What did you tell him?”

“I just told him I missed home and all the performing stuff was getting to me.”

“When are you going to stop lying to him?”

“I’m not lying to him.” I hissed, straightening my body in the chair.

“Well you’re not telling him the truth, so what do you call that?” She paused and sighed deeply. “I know you like him and all, but what’s a relationship without honesty?”

“I am being honest, I -”

“But not about everything!” She yelled, cutting me off. “You haven’t told him anything about your past and I have a feeling you’re never going to. So what’s the point of being with someone who doesn’t know you? Yes, he says he loves you and I believe he does, but does he love you or who he thinks you are?”

I paused and shut my eyes, my body trembling with anger. “Screw you.” I seethed and hung up, shoving my phone into my pocket. It immediately started ringing again, but I shut it off and tried to ignore it’s persistent vibrating.

I put my face in my hands and took a deep breath, trying to calm down. Why would she say something like that to me with everything she knows? When I was finally trying to open myself up to someone in the way she’s been trying to get me to in years; why would she try and bring me back to the way I was, reserved and closed off? She didn’t know how that was my fear when I was dating Nick, but that still doesn’t excuse it.

But, why was I so angry in the first place? Out of everything she said, why would that get me pissed off enough to hang up on her? Do I, deep down, think she’ right? Did I get angry simply because she said what I’ve been trying to ignore out loud?

“Morgan, time to board!” Uncle John called out from where he and Nick were standing.

I pulled my head out of my hands and rose, shoving everything into the back of my mind; I didn’t want to deal with it anymore.

I followed Uncle John, Nick, and the rest of the guys out of the lounge and onto the tarmac where Nick’s small private plane was waiting. I took one of the seats near the rear of the plane, next to a window alone. After my conversation with Jenn, I was in no mood to socialize. I pulled my iPod out of my bag, placing the headphones in my ears and waited for liftoff; leaning against the wall of the plane, shutting my eyes.

I didn’t fall asleep, but I had a feeling the guys thought I did. I did want to too, but I couldn’t; my mind was spinning. Even though Jenn was out of line, I wouldn’t have reacted the ay I did if I didn’t agree, at least a little bit anyway. Cameron always tells me how much he loves me and how much he misses me and how much he’s worried about me. But, he doesn’t really know me. Sure, he knows that I was adopted and that Julia died, but he doesn’t know about my father or how I basically lived with Eileen until I was thirteen. He doesn’t know anything about who I was or what I’ve been through; what I struggle with. He doesn’t know what it’s so hard, how it’s almost impossible for me to tell him that I love him. He doesn’t know that I may never be able to. Cameron knows the me that I’ve always tried to be; the girl who has only a few things to worry about. He knows the girl who has moved on from her past. He knows a girl that I’m not, and my fear is that I’ll never be here. I’m afraid I’m never going to be able to tell him about everything either, or if I actually want to.

There was only one thing to do then. If Cameron isn’t in love with me, the real me, and I can never tell him who I really am... I had to break-up with him.