Choke on Your Misery

Zack

The next morning, I woke up to my alarm blaring. I groaned and rolled over to turn it off, looking up at the ceiling. Why did I feel like I was dreading something? I suddenly realized after a minute of staring sleepily at the ceiling – Alex and I had kissed. Fuck. I was afraid to talk to Alex after what had happened last night. I mean, what was I supposed to say to him? I rolled out of bed and checked my phone; four texts and a missed call from Alex.

To: Zack
From: Alex
Zack, I’m sorry.

To: Zack
From: Alex
You aren’t mad, are you?

To: Zack
From: Alex
C’mon, please reply, Zack...

To: Zack
From: Alex
:(

I sighed, setting my phone down. I wasn’t mad at him for kissing me. I hadn’t minded it. I just didn’t know what to say or do about it. I got dressed and ready for school, then headed downstairs to eat breakfast and take my medicine. I would definitely need to lower my anxiety level before talking to Alex. My dad walked into the kitchen while I was eating a bowl of cereal, smiling at me.

“Good morning,” he greeted.

“Hey, dad. You’re up early,” I commented.

“I have to work an early shift. Did you take your medicine?” he asked me.

“Yeah, I took it. Hey – when are you leaving?” I asked.

My dad shrugged, “Probably at seven; why?”

Good; school started at seven-fifteen. “Could you give me a ride to school?”

“Don’t you usually ride with Alex?” he asked, frowning as he got a cup of coffee.

“Yeah, but, uh, I think he already left,” I lied.

Dad raised an eyebrow, glancing out the kitchen window, “Zack, his car is still in the driveway.”

Dammit. “Oh, I thought he left,” I shrugged.

“Zack, did you boys get into a fight or something?” he asked, leaning against the counter as he looked at me.

“No,” I said, shaking my head as I looked down at my cereal bowl.

“Then why don’t you want to ride with Alex?”

“I can’t get a ride from my own father without being questioned?” I asked innocently, and my dad gave me a look. “It’s complicated, Dad.”

He sighed, “I’ll give you a ride, but whatever is going on between you and Alex, I think you two need to work it out. He’s been a good friend to you.”

“Okay, Dad.”

••••••••••

My dad drove me to school, and I was successful in avoiding Alex for most of the day. I dashed straight out of history class before he could talk to me, and we had to draw silently in art class because the teacher was pissed at our class. At lunch, I ignored Alex until he gave up and left. By the end of the school day, Rian and Jack were completely confused.

“What’s going on between you and Alex?” Jack asked, stopping me when we left French class at the end of the day. No one was around; it was just the two of us in that hall. Everyone else had run off to their lockers.

“What?” I asked innocently.

“You’ve been avoiding Alex all day; he’s really upset and won’t tell me why. What happened?” Jack asked.

“He... uh... last night... um...” I stuttered, trying to form my words. Did I really want to tell Jack this?

“Did you guys fight? Did you get mad at him? Did he tell you he likes you?” Jack shot off random thoughts, and I looked at him in surprise. Jack’s eyes widened and he covered his mouth when he realized what he said. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you that!”

“He kissed me, actually,” I sighed, looking away from him.

Jack gasped, “That’s even better!” He paused, “Wait; why aren’t you talking to him, then? Do you not like him?”

I shrugged. “I guess I kind of do-” I began, but was cut off by Jack.

“Yay!” He hugged me and ran down the hall, yelling, “ALEXANDER WILLIAM GASKARTH! I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU!”

“Jack, no!” I exclaimed, watching him in disbelief as he turned the corner to run and find Alex. He was so stupid sometimes. I headed to my locker and grabbed my stuff quickly, hoping Jack wouldn’t talk to Alex. Rian came up to me as soon as I shut my locker.

“What the hell is Jack yelling about?” Rian asked, walking beside me.

“He’s trying to tell Alex what I told him,” I grumbled, glancing over at Rian.

“What’d you tell him?”

“It’s, ah... I’ll tell you later, okay? I don’t really want to say it around everyone,” I said, gesturing around.

“Why not?” he questioned.

“It’s personal...”

Rian’s eyes widened, and he whispered, “You like Gaskarth, don’t you?”

I opened my mouth in surprise, “Dude! How can you possibly guess that?” I asked, punching him in the shoulder before we headed down the stairs.

“You said you didn’t want to say it around everyone, and Jack is screaming for Alex, so I figured it was that,” Rian said, grinning. “Why are you avoiding him, then?”

“He, uh... kissed me last night out of nowhere,” I mumbled.

Rian raised an eyebrow, “Wow, really? Dude, that’s a good thing! You should give him a chance,” he said, elbowing me in the side as we walked. I rolled my eyes. I felt a tap on my shoulder as Rian and I were walking out the front doors and turned to see Alex.

“You want a ride home?” Alex asked hopefully, not meeting my eyes.

I looked at Rian, who grinned and nudged me toward Alex before running off to catch the bus. “Um, sure; apparently I do,” I sighed, following him out to his car. We got in, and Alex pulled out of the parking lot. He really was upset; he was silent. Alex was never this quiet.

“Um, I’m sorry I left you last night,” I apologized, breaking the awkward silence.

“I understand; I shouldn’t have done that in the first place,” he sighed.

“N-no, I just needed some time to think. You caught me off guard,” I said.

“Well yeah. Most people get caught off guard when their friend kisses them,” Alex mumbled, gripping the steering wheel tighter.

“No, it-it’s fine. I, uh...” I tripped over my tongue as I tried to speak. I looked down at my hands nervously, “I-I liked it.”

“You did?” Alex was so surprised that he didn’t realize we were at a red light, and had to slam on the brakes to stop before he rear-ended someone.

I chuckled, “Jesus, Alex. You’re going to kill us.”

“Sorry,” he said, blushing. “But seriously; you liked it?”

“Yeah,” I said, glancing up at him. If he was this surprised, Jack must not have found him before we left the school. Alex smiled widely, looking happy for the first time today. We continued to drive in silence, but this time it was a comfortable silence.

“Alex?” I said, as we pulled into his driveway.

“Yeah?” he asked, putting the car in park and looking at me.

“What does this make us?”

Alex shrugged, glancing down at my hands. He reached over to hold my hand gently, asking, “What do you want us to be?” His hands were slightly sweaty; either from being nervous or from gripping the steering wheel so tightly. I blushed, looking down at our hands as I intertwined our fingers.

“I-I don’t k-know,” I stuttered in response to his question, looking up at him. I hadn’t been stuttering around him lately – until now, that is. God dammit, this boy had me tongue tied.

I finally looked up and Alex’s eyes met mine. “Zack, do you want to be my boyfriend?” he asked.

I was surprised, but my heart jumped at the words. I smiled, nodding, “Yes, Alex.”

Alex grinned and squeezed my hand, “I was hoping you’d say that.”