Trashed And Scattered

I can't do this. I can't sit here and pretend that everything is alright, it won't work. Why did he have to bring us to his house? Why?

I stood up and grabbed one of the washclothes from the all to familiar cabinet and wiped my eye. Looking at myself in the mirror, I knew I couldn't go back out there just yet. My face was a bright red, and there were obvious tear tracks on my face. I wet the washcloth and wiped my face with it, then dried it, not bothering to mess with my makeup again.

"Nicky...are you okay?"

I opened my mouth and started to say no, but changed my mind at the last second, making it come out sounding something like, "Nyeah. Just go away, I'll be out in a few,"I said quietly, knowing quite well that she could hear me through the door.

There was a soft clicking sound as the doorknob turned and Ellie pushed the door in, stepped inside, and shut it behind her.

"What's wrong, Nicky?"

"Nothing."

"Bullshit, you can't lie to me Nicky. Now spill," she said, her eyes blazing with that stubborness she tended to have.

"There's nothing wrong, now leave me the hell alone!" I exclaimed quietly, not wanting my voice to carry to the others.

"If nothing is wrong, then something is wrong. If something is wrong, well then everything's wrong. If everything is wrong...well, that just isn't good at all," she said, a thoughtful look on her face.

"What are you, fucking Willy Wonka?"

Ellie sighed and put a hand on my arm, a small smirk on her face.

"No, actually. I'm your best friend, and I'm begging you, no, telling you to tell me what is wrong, Nicky."

I sighed, knowing damn good and well this conversation wouldn't be over until I told her what had been bugging me since we had come to his house, so late at night.

"Well...umm...ya see...It's bit complicated but I-I-I kinda...oh hell, I gave up Syn's kid," I said, the words sounding harsh, even in my own ears.

Ellie stood there, a shocked look on her face as she seemingly tried to think of something to say.

"How far along, and when?" she asked quietly, the seriousness of the situation obviously dawning on her.

I thought back to all those months previous, back to the morning when we woke up to find the guys gone. It dawned on me that not even a week later, well, 5 days to be exact, I went and had an abortion, knowing that I was about a month and a half along. When they didn't come back within the first 3 days, I began to worry, and when we had heard they were on tour, well, I started to panic and did the first thing I could think of, which was to eliminate everything from my life that reminded me of Brian Elwin Haner Jr., famously dubbed Synyster Gates.

"Um....I was about a month and a half along, and um....It was five days after the morning we woke up and found the guys gone. You've got to understand Ellie, I was scared out of my mind, had no clue where the hell Brian was, and I didn't want to raise a kid on my own," I said quietly, averting my gaze from her. The last thing I needed right now was some sort of sarcasm or reprimandment.

"Nicky, honey," Ellie said, squatting next to me at my spot on the toilet," You wouldn't have been alone. You would have had all of us at your backs ready to do whatever we could to help. You know....you know you have to tell him, right?"

I stared at her as if she had suddenly grown a four spare heads.

"Are you fucking mental?! Are you stupid?! You know what, don't even answer that second question. Why the hell would I tell him that? And how the hell would I explain myself?! He'd probably fucking kill me!" I exclaimed in frustration, trying hard not be loud. I really didn't want everybody in the house to know what I had done.

Ellie sighed and wrapped her arms around me in a hug, and I relaxed into her small arms. It felt nice to have someone comforting me instead of the other way around for once. Why in the world had I never told one of the girls before this? I had no idea.

"Nicky...if-if you don't tell him, then I will," she said quietly, pulling away to look me.

"What? W-wh? Why does he have to know? It's not like not knowing is going to kill him," I said, my eyes wide with fear.

The door swung open, and the person I wanted to see least of all stood there. Brian looked at the two of us, a mix of a confused and curious expression on his face.

"What's going on in here?" he asked.

"You didn't shut the door?!" I yelled, pulling away from Ellie.

"Oooopppsss...guess not," she said sheepishly.

"What did you hear?" I asked him, a look of sure horror probably on my face, or at least, that's how I imagined I looked.

"Just the whole 'why does he have to know' part. And why does who have to know what?" he asked.

"Oh, ah, nothing. I was talking about our boss...about how I haven't told him about how I haven't finished the two articles he gave me a week ago," I lied, hoping it sounded smooth, because I seriously felt like a deer trapped in the headlights.

"Nicky, you know, I never thought you would be able to lie so easily to your friends. An ex, well that I can understand, but your friends?" Ellie asked, her gaze boring holes into me.

"Shut the hell up you fucking imbecile! Don't you know how to keep your bigass mouth shut?!" I exclaimed. I then watched as Ellie looked at Brian before standing up stiffly and shoving past him out of the bathroom.

"Nicky...is it really me that you two were talking about?" he asked, taking a step towards me.

"Yea...and what I'm fixing to say is probably going to shock you, probably even going to piss you off. I...um...let's see...well, to hell with it. When you left, I was a month and a half pregnant, and so...when you didn't come back, and when we got no word from you, I went and had an abortion. I-I gave up our kid Brian," I said, unable to look in his eyes knowing the pain, and probably even hatred I found there.

"You...what?" he asked calmly, though I knew he was having to curb his anger.

"You...you heard me."

"YOU WHAT?!"

I ran. I ran out of that bathroom as fast as I could down the hall to the first door I came to. I slammed the door shut behind me, locking it from the inside. Stanng there, panting and trying to catch my breath, I took a good look around the rom, mentally cursing myself. It was then that I heard Brian come up to the door and stand on the other side of it.

"Ncky, let me in my goddamn room!" he yelled. I was sure, at this point, that everybody knew what was happening.

"No!! Leave me alone!!"

"You're in my house, my room, and you're telling me to leave you alone?! If you want me to leave you alone, then get the fuck out of my house!" he yelled.

I then realized I really had no other choice. So, being the totally rational thinker that I am, I threw open the door and looked at him.

"FINE! I WILL!"

"Wait! What?!"

"I'M. LEAVING! Get it? Got it? Gooood!" I yelled in his face before pushing past him and down the hallway.

Brian didn't bother trying to stop me, and neither did any of the others. They just stared at me, watching as I stormed past, my eyes becoming full of unshed tears. Ellie said something, but what, I don't know, as I was busy slamming yet another door. Let's just say it's one of my favorite things to do when I'm pissed.

As I was running, eyes full of tears, I ran ino something hard and fell over. I felt my head hit something even harder and gasped, feeling something warm trickling down the back of my neck. Gently touching the back of my head, I winced at the painful throbbing.

"Fucking mailbox! Why the hell he had to have a fucking stone fucking mailbox is beyond me. But I fucking hate it!" I yelled out loud, not caring if the neighbors heard me.

The front door opened again, so I stood up and started running towards god knows where. I felt faint after a bit, and decided that I needed to rest. I stopped in the first alley I found, sliding down against the wall and soon passing out.

-----------------------------------------Brian's POV-----------------------------------------

"You really need to see this, Brian."

"See what?" I asked exasperatedly.

"Um...how about you're ex bleeding all over your driveway."

"She's what?"

"You heard me. She's. Bleeding. On. Your. Driveway," Ellie said, enunciating each word carefully.

"Shit!" I yelled, throwing open my door and running down to the driveway to my mailbox. By the time I got there, Nicky was nowhere to be found, but there was a puddle of dark liquid around the base of the mailbox.

Inside me, I felt something crack. This was all my fault. If I hadn't left, she wouldn't have had to give up the kid, which meant that she wouldn't have had to tell me she did that, meaning that...that we wouldn't have fought and this wouldn't be happening right now. Why couldn't things just be simple for once?

I turned and looked at Ellie, who was standing in the doorway, with a panicked look on my face. She sighed and reached into her pocket, pulling something out and tossing it to him. Without much hesitation, he caught the object and opened his hand to see Ellie's car key.

"You get a single scratch on my car and you will be paying for the repairs, Gates!" she called after me as I got in and drove off. Driving the streets of Huntington at 3 o'clock in the morning and looking for someone is not easy. It downright sucks, to be honest.

I was checking every alley I passed, and was about to turn around and go back home when I saw a figure with dark purple hair slumped against a wall in the next alley. My heart lept as the car stopped and I jumped out, leaving the key in the ignition and running over to Nicky.

And what do you know? She's out fucking cold, probably from the blood loss. Just my fucking luck. I carefully picked her up and carried over to Ellie's jeep, gently placing her in the passenger seat and buckling her in. I sped all the way back to my place, glad that there weren't any cops out, seeing as how I sped through every damn red light there was.

When I got back to my place and was lifting Nicky out of the jeep, I saw a dark red spot on the seat. Shit...that's blood! Ellie's gonna fucking kill...haha, wait! She didn't mention blood, she said scratches. This should be easy to out of! I thought as I pushed open my front door.

Carrying Nicky's limp body in was surely a sight to see. The girl's gasped, apart from Ellie, who no doubt, was still pissed about earlier. Zacky came into the room with a bunch of towels and the first aid kit.

"Don't you think we should, you know, take her to the hospital, dude?" he asked quietly.

"No, because she'll throw a hissy fit and try ripping all the needles out when she wakes up. It wouldn't be the first time," Lynn said.

"Oh, I see."

"Yes. Umm...I hate to interrupt, but I do believe that we should clean this up," Johnny said, pointing at the blood pooling around Brian's feet on the hardwood floors.

I nodded and carried her into the bathroom, setting her against the tub. It would be easier to clean up in here than it would anywhere else in the house, that much I was certain of. Letting Jimmy and Lynn in, I walked out, only to be met by an Ellie that looked twice as pissed as before.

"BRIAN ELWIN HANER JR! WHAT THE HELL DID I TELL YOU ABOUT MY FUCKING JEEP?!?!" she yelled at me.

"Hey now, Miss Elektra, calm down. You said scratches, not blood. You didn't mention blood at all," I said, holding my hands out as I recalled what she had said before I left.

With a defeated sigh, she grabbed one of the towels that Zacky had brought and went to clean off her seat as I set to work cleaning up the blood from my hardwood floor.