Remembering the Ghost of You

August 23rd, 1944

Bob, Ray, Frankie and I made it to Paris along with the rest of the troops and today Paris was ours. The German’s hadn’t officially signed over, but they were gone. The French had gone wild as we made our way to the capitol and had started the fighting early. A lot of Paris was now in ruins, but this was a huge success.
“I hope this means sleep,” Frankie said to me as we awaited orders. I shrugged. I was running on adrenaline as were the rest of the troops. When there was time to sleep it was never long and it was never comfortable. It was always raining and cold or sweltering. I was surprised the weather didn’t kill more of us.
We were sent to look for French civilians in the rubble. Most of the Free French fighters were in the medic tent, so we spread out to look among the broken and smoking apartments and houses. I was kind of wishing I knew French at this point.

There were a lot of bodies. It was getting hard to stomach so I stopped to smoke a cigarette. I was sitting on the front stoop of a house that was burnt to the ground. As long as I looked straight forward I couldn’t see any bodies.
But then the silent air was filled with extremely high pitched screaming. I rushed around the corner to see two soldiers bent over something. As I got closer I saw a tiny girl was pinned under some rubble from a collapsed house. Each time the soldiers moved close to her she screamed.
“She’ll be dead soon. Just leave her,” one said and I was kind of shocked to hear him say that.
“I’ll get her out,” I said and the soldiers shrugged and continued on their way. The girl was young, no older then three or four, and had piercing green eyes that followed my every move. I sat down in front of her and took off my helmet. I held it out to her but she didn’t move. I was trying to make her not be afraid. I had another idea though and pulled out Mikey’s peppermints. I slowly unwrapped one and handed it to her. After a moment she tentatively took it and popped it into her mouth.
“I’m going to move this off your leg,” I said, even though I doubted she could understand me, and pointed to the charred piece of thick wood. I touched it and she screamed but I didn’t stop until I lifted and moved it. The moment it was off her leg the screaming stopped.
“Je veux ma mama!” she cried out; big tears were now rolling down her cheeks.
“No, no shh!” I said and moved closer.
“Je veux ma mama!” she continued to cry. “MAMA!” she sobbed. I crouched over her and could now see that not only was her leg broken, but her back was badly burned.
“Shh,” I tried to calm her but it wasn’t working. She was crying harder and louder. I pulled out bandages to make a splint and then some salve that was supposed to be for me if I got a burn. Her leg appeared to be a clean break which is good. As I set up to wrap her leg I began to sing.
“I never said I’d lie and wait forever. If I died we’d be together,” I sang softly and her crying became sobs. “I can’t always just forget her, but she could try.”
“Plus,” she said when I stopped singing.
“At the end of the world, or the last thing I see, you are never coming home, never coming home. Could I? Should I?” she sobbed but didn’t cry as I wrapped her leg up. I then moved to her back.
“Plus,” she said again as I unscrewed the top to the salve. I took it that meant more.
“And all the things that you never ever told me, and all the smiles that are ever … ever,” I sang and my eyes started to water. I rubbed the salve on her skin and she whimpered but didn’t cry out.
“Plus.”
“Get the feeling that you’re never all alone and I remember, at the top of my lungs in my arms she dies,” I sang quietly and rubbed my eyes. I didn’t want to cry or frighten her.
“Pourquoi pleures-tu?” she asked and tugged on my sleeve. I shook my head and undid my coat to wrap around her. She was already shivering, probably from the burns and injuries not having yet been treated.
“What is your name?” I asked her and she just stared with big shiny green eyes. “I’m Gerard,” I said and pointed to myself.
“Gerard?” she asked with a heavy accent pointing to me. I nodded.
“Gerard,” I said again pointing to myself.
“Je m’apelle Esmerie,” she told me. “Esmerie.”
“Hello Esmerie, I’m going to take you somewhere safe now,” I told her and she held out her arms which were lost under the sleeves of my coat. I picked her up gently, being cautious of her leg and burns, and started to walk towards the medic tents.
“Plus Gerard,” she murmured as she rested her head against my chest. She felt even tinier in my arms. “Plus.”
“At the end of the world,” I continued singing, “or the last thing I see you are never coming home, never coming home. Could I? Should I? And all the things that you never ever told me and all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me. Never coming home, never coming home. Could I? Should I? And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me, and all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me … if I fall,” I sang to her as silent tears rolled over my cheeks as memories of Mikey flooded my mind.