Mistakes and Misunderstandings

“Has anyone else noticed Max acting weird recently?” Robert asked.

“Max always acts weird,” Craig replied.

“But he’s been acting weirder than normal recently” Robert said.

It was true. Max had been more secretive, sneaking off the bus claiming he was just going to smoke when he got caught, spraying himself with extra cologne, avoiding looking people in the eye. It wasn’t like him. He couldn’t be cheating on me; Andy’s girlfriend had left a few weeks ago, leaving me as the only girl on tour again, and I knew Max wasn’t interested in guys. Once again, I wondered if Max was back on drugs.

“I’ll talk to him when he gets back,” I said. Both bands agreed to let Max and I talk in the back lounge and if we reached the hotel before we came out, someone would bring our room key for us.

At the moment, we were in some random town restocking our snacks and refueling the buses. Everyone else had left, anxious to get to the hotel we’d be staying at for the next few days. But here we were, TLL and ETF, waiting on Max, who’d disappeared as soon as the bus stopped. He’d texted a while ago saying he was on his way back, but he still hadn’t shown up. We didn’t have a show for a few days, so we were taking our time getting to the next venue, but we all wanted showers and real beds.

Max had been gone almost an hour when he finally returned. The driver started the engine as soon as he saw Max, pulling out on to the road as soon as he could. We weren’t the only ones ready for the hotel. Nobody said anything when I told Max we needed to talk. When he followed without a word, I was concerned.

“Turns out we’re closer than we thought,” Jason said, running after us. “We’ll be at the hotel in about half an hour as long as the storm waits for us to get there.”

I thanked him before joining Max. He was sitting on the couch, staring at the ground. He didn’t look up when I sat next to him. “Max, what’s going on?”

He was quiet for a few minutes. “Touring is just stressful and I’ve got things on my mind that I can’t do much about.”

“You can talk to me about anything, you know that.”

Max shook his head. “Not this. At least, not all of it.”

“So why don’t you talk to me about what you can?”

“That would lead to everything else, and you can’t know about that. No one can know about that. I can’t do that to you Ry.” No. Not this. Anything but this. Please, anything. We sat in silence for a few minutes. “Look Ry, you know I love you, but I need more than what we have.”

“More? What more could you want? We know everything about each other, we’ve been to Hell and back and we’re still together. What more could you possibly want?” I was confused, and a little angry. I thought we were happy. I guess I was wrong.

“What we have is great. But it’s like we’re still new to this relationship. We haven’t done anything.” Max moved closer to me.

“You said you were ok with that. You said you were ok with waiting. I can’t do that yet, and you of all people should understand why.” I felt tears forming, the memories making their way to the front of my mind.

“Come on Ry, you know I love you,” Max whispered, moving closer still. “I’d make it good; with just one time you’ll forget everyone else and everything they did.”

When he leaned in, I got a look at his eyes. And it scared me. “You’re high!” I shouted, pushing Max off me. He sat back, nodding. “What happened? You were clean. And after all I did for you, you’re going to turn around and pull this shit?”

“I’m sorry Ry, I really am,” Max said, reaching out to me. “All this drama that’s been going on just got to be too much and I needed to relax. I’ve got it under control though; I’m not an addict like we were before. I can handle myself.”

I backed away from Max, who was still on the couch. As the tears finally fell, I slid down the wall to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest. That was when I noticed that the bus wasn’t moving anymore and there were no sounds coming from the front of the bus. “Get away from me. You’re not Max, not mine. The Max I know wouldn’t be this stupid. Just get away from me.”

I hid my face in my arms. I couldn’t even bear to look at him. I heard Max apologize again before walking out. I waited for the slam of the door before I getting up. The bus was empty, but I found two cards to get into our room on the counter. I put both in my pocket; I didn’t want to see Max tonight, and if he’d really wanted to stay in our room, he should have taken his key. My make-up was waterproof, so I didn’t bother checking it before grabbing my bag and leaving the bus.

It was raining outside, and I took my time walking to the front doors. Seeing a few men in black under the artificial roof, I pulled my hood up, hiding my face as much as I could. None of the men were Max, but I didn’t want to talk to anyone. All I wanted was to lock myself in my room.

I needed to think. I needed to do something about this pain.