Taking Down the Sunrise

Severus approached the door to the Gryffindor common room and was immediately confused. The Fat Lady was not in her usual place in front of the hills sneering down at him. Somehow, her absence was oddly unsettling at the same time as being utterly pleasing. He hesitantly raised his arm and knocked lightly on the empty portrait.

A small Gryffindor girl opened the door, just a crack, and peered out at him. With a nervous sniff, she muttered, “Slytherin’s aren’t allowed here.”

Trying his best to look friendly, and not completely terrifying, he forced a smile onto his face. In a gentle tone, he replied, “I know. I’m just looking for my girlfriend.”

“Oh,” the girl immediately looked concerned.

“What?”

“She’s been crying.”

Before Severus had a chance to react, the little girl was pulled out of the way and the door was slammed shut. He was on the verge of knocking again when the portrait hole swung wide.

Lily looked up at him with eyes that were at complete opposition to the smile on her lips. “Hey,” she said softly, “What’s up?”

“We have a date,” Severus said, looking her up and down worriedly, “Are you alright?”

She blinked and nodded with her best impression of a happy face plastered on, “Of course I am. I just... I don’t think we should go out tonight.”

“But I have the date all set up,” he protested, “I made it perfect. It’s everything you would want in a date and I really think you should see it.”

“Why?” she asked quietly, “You already won the bet.”

“This isn’t about the bet. It’s about us being together.”

“I don’t want to go.”

Severus stared at her for a moment, thrown by her reaction. There was a fury in her words that did not match her soft tone.

“Is this about last night?”

“What about last night?”

“Are you... I mean, did I...”

“I don’t think I was ready, Sev.”

“Alright, then we won’t do it again.”

Lily let out a short, humourless laugh. The green eyes that were so sad seconds before were now ice cold. “You think it’s just that simple? That we can just go back to what we were?”

“Of course,”

“Because I can’t just forget it all, Sev,” she continued as if he hadn’t said a thing, “I wasn’t ready and we shouldn’t have done that and now I’m freaking out. I can’t just pretend that everything’s okay when I cannot stop losing my mind whenever I’m alone.”

“Don’t push me away then, Lil. We can get through this together.”

She sighed, “You don’t get it.”

“Let me try.”

“It’s just... I...” she looked behind her, groaned slightly and lightly pushed him out into the hallway. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Well that makes two of us,” Severus snapped as he finally lost his patience with her, “You pushed me into this, not the other way around. And I’m tired of looking like the bad guy in this relationship. You don’t think that you could have figured out you weren’t ready any earlier?”

“I didn’t know!”

“Well that’s convenient.”

Lily glared at him, “This is why I didn’t want to tell you! You can’t possible comprehend that I thought I was ready, I thought I wanted you more than anything else in the world, but I was wrong. I’m not a fucking Ravenclaw. I don’t know everything at the exact instance I need to know it!”

“And I don’t expect you to,” Severus snapped angrily, “What I expect is that we’re able to act like adults and get through shit like this together. I don’t like you just making up excuses everytime you’re scared!”

“Stop yelling at me, Sev!”

“I’m not the one who’s yelling.”

Lily was about to reply, thought better of it, and bit her lip. She fixed him with a hard stare and said matter-of-factly, “I don’t want to see you anymore.”

He blinked at her in surprise and started, “You mean-”

“I mean I never want to see your face again. It’s too fucking hard. Do you understand that, Severus?”

“No,”

She licked her lips, clearly frustrated by his response, “Too bad,” she said, moving to turn away.

“Lil, don’t-”

“Don’t touch me!” She exclaimed angrily as his fingers brushed her arm, “Have I not made that perfectly clear?”

Severs let his hand linger on her arm for just a second before dropping it to his side, “You can’t just run away from everything that scares you, Lil.”

“That’s exactly what I’ll do,” she hissed coldly as she slammed the portrait hole shut behind her.