Status: Completed.
All Yours Somehow
you know you've had the best of me
“You have one new voicemail,” I heard the automated voice say. “Received today at 3.56am.”
“Hannah? Hannah, please speak to me. I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. Fuck, what happened to us? I thought we had it pretty good, where did we go wrong? I hate being alone, baby. No matter what you ever thought, there aren’t any girls on the road, they’re nothing, they don’t mean shit and never would. They don’t hold anything to you. I don’t even know why I’m calling you, you probably won’t even fucking listen to this. I want to move on, I need to move on but I don’t know how Han. You’re everything to me, you’re everything I could ever want from a girlfriend. You’re my whole world, the only thing that has ever felt true to me in my entire life. What happened? I thought we were perfect. I want it to be perfect again. I want to be home with you, you’re the only place I ever feel entirely at home. This is probably useless, why would you listen to this fucking drunken piece of shit, you’ve probably already got another guy on the go. Probably someone with a better career than being in a band, just like you’ve always wanted. I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted. I’m sorry I always left. Hannah, I love you, and I know you still love me. We can make this work. I’m so lost without you. It gets harder everyday. I wish you wouldn’t doubt us. I wish I didn’t get so jealous. You’re my home, baby, without you there’s no point in me even coming home. But I am always coming home. I might leave, but I do always come home. I know it’s hard without me there, but I’m lonely here you know. The guys are great but there’s nothing like the one who loves you. You love me, right? Because I love you. I don’t care how many times I have to say it because I really do. I. Love. You. I fell for you as soon as I saw you in that coffee shop. I’ll never forget the look on you face when I joked about you reading Twilight. Can we just go back to then? Things were great then. When we used to talk about anything and everything. I don’t know what to say anymore, how did we get here? How did we end up not being able to talk to each other? I don’t want to be this guy. I want my girlfriend back. No one could ever take your place, please understand that. You’re the only one I ever want. I’m here and I’m lying alone and right now it’s taking all I have not to find the fastest way back to you but I don’t know what else to do. I was wrong to say this wasn’t working, I should have worked harder to make it work. I only ever wanted you to be happy, darling, that’s all I ever wanted to see. I never wanted the last time you kissed my lips to be the last time. I want to have that feeling again. I hate waking up in the morning and knowing that I won’t get to talk to you. You’re on my mind all the time. I’m sorry I let you down. I could have just given you some fucking dumb excuse but I won’t because all these words are true. I can’t stop loving you. This pain I’m going through is too much, I’m hurting real bad, baby. Please talk to me. I just want to hear your sweet voice again. As soon as my heart stops aching, I hope I can get over you, but honestly I don’t want to. There’s so much about you I miss. I don’t understand what happened to us. No one will ever replace you, you are the only one I can ever see myself with. I fucked up. I’m sorry.”
The line went dead and I was still stood there stunned. I didn’t know what to do after listening to that voicemail. It had been five weeks, but suddenly, I felt emotion take over my body and I fell to the floor and cried. I had no idea how long I stayed there for but I just couldn’t stop.
“Hannah? Hannah, please speak to me. I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. Fuck, what happened to us? I thought we had it pretty good, where did we go wrong? I hate being alone, baby. No matter what you ever thought, there aren’t any girls on the road, they’re nothing, they don’t mean shit and never would. They don’t hold anything to you. I don’t even know why I’m calling you, you probably won’t even fucking listen to this. I want to move on, I need to move on but I don’t know how Han. You’re everything to me, you’re everything I could ever want from a girlfriend. You’re my whole world, the only thing that has ever felt true to me in my entire life. What happened? I thought we were perfect. I want it to be perfect again. I want to be home with you, you’re the only place I ever feel entirely at home. This is probably useless, why would you listen to this fucking drunken piece of shit, you’ve probably already got another guy on the go. Probably someone with a better career than being in a band, just like you’ve always wanted. I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted. I’m sorry I always left. Hannah, I love you, and I know you still love me. We can make this work. I’m so lost without you. It gets harder everyday. I wish you wouldn’t doubt us. I wish I didn’t get so jealous. You’re my home, baby, without you there’s no point in me even coming home. But I am always coming home. I might leave, but I do always come home. I know it’s hard without me there, but I’m lonely here you know. The guys are great but there’s nothing like the one who loves you. You love me, right? Because I love you. I don’t care how many times I have to say it because I really do. I. Love. You. I fell for you as soon as I saw you in that coffee shop. I’ll never forget the look on you face when I joked about you reading Twilight. Can we just go back to then? Things were great then. When we used to talk about anything and everything. I don’t know what to say anymore, how did we get here? How did we end up not being able to talk to each other? I don’t want to be this guy. I want my girlfriend back. No one could ever take your place, please understand that. You’re the only one I ever want. I’m here and I’m lying alone and right now it’s taking all I have not to find the fastest way back to you but I don’t know what else to do. I was wrong to say this wasn’t working, I should have worked harder to make it work. I only ever wanted you to be happy, darling, that’s all I ever wanted to see. I never wanted the last time you kissed my lips to be the last time. I want to have that feeling again. I hate waking up in the morning and knowing that I won’t get to talk to you. You’re on my mind all the time. I’m sorry I let you down. I could have just given you some fucking dumb excuse but I won’t because all these words are true. I can’t stop loving you. This pain I’m going through is too much, I’m hurting real bad, baby. Please talk to me. I just want to hear your sweet voice again. As soon as my heart stops aching, I hope I can get over you, but honestly I don’t want to. There’s so much about you I miss. I don’t understand what happened to us. No one will ever replace you, you are the only one I can ever see myself with. I fucked up. I’m sorry.”
The line went dead and I was still stood there stunned. I didn’t know what to do after listening to that voicemail. It had been five weeks, but suddenly, I felt emotion take over my body and I fell to the floor and cried. I had no idea how long I stayed there for but I just couldn’t stop.
♠ ♠ ♠
So I said this chapter was different to how I normally write. Obviously, it's much shorter than normal too so I'll try and get another one up before Monday.