Forelsket.

After Lindsay, our parents and I had left the hospital to head for home, the only thing spinning around my mind is how my Grandfather seemed to enjoy how much Lindsay had hated me. It had, after all, been his fault to begin with, and though I admit I wanted to be the favourite, I didn’t anymore. I wanted to tell Lindsay that it was a kid thing – and beg her to let it go because it was so irrelevant.

It seemed, though, that nothing could erase that from Lindsays mind. I wanted for her to desperately understand that I was nothing but a child, and didn’t she, too, fight for the affections of Grandpa? Our parents?

As Lindsay walked into his room with a large smile, she strode to his side and leaned over to give him a greeting kiss on his cheek. He smiled at her, and - despite my best efforts to shrink and become part of the background – spotted me, a large smile growing on his face.

“Peanut,” his gruff voice called, “Come ov’r ‘ere! I’ve missed ye.” I stole a glance to Lindsay as I bit my lip, noting how she rolled her eyes and instantly, her stance became dark. My mind nearly whirling, I watched as grandpa patted the small space on the hospital bed beside him.

“Come ‘ere, Peanut,” He patted the spot beside him. I was curled up to the farthest corner of my bed. I closed my eyes tightly and shook my head.

“I ain’t gon’ hurt ye. Jus’ needa favor.” I kept my eyes shut, not allowing an inch of space between the two lids. And the room grew quiet. But I knew he was there. I heard his deep breathing, and a final sigh before my leg was grasped and yanked. I let out a small scream as he pulled me toward him.

It was the first time he was vicious about it – I mean really vicious.

Gathering myself, I slowly walked over to him, sat beside him on that small bed. His large, rough hand instantly patted my thigh, and he let out a small chuckle. I swallowed my nerves, turning to my father and giving him a small smile before he focused on his word search.

“Where’ve ye been?” Grandpa asked. I only shrugged, expecting Lindsay to jump in and say something. She had kept her mouth shut, throwing harsh glares in my direction the entire time I was sat there, swallowing lumps in my throat while Grandpas hand rested on my thigh.



The day Jared and John had showed up to my house was the day of Tims party – I had, apparently, forgotten to ask when the birthday was. Because of this small mistake, I was extremely surprised to see them show up at my house at around six-thirty, after I had my dinner. I stood before them at the door, mouth slightly open and a furious kind of blush coating my cheeks.

There I stood with a messy bun at the top of my head and my worst track suit. I imagined I looked close to Aileen Wuornos, and that was something I hadn’t wanted to look while standing in front of John. Yes, it did kind of stress me, to the point where I didn’t want to look like crap in front of him. And it was weird to me, because I never consciously wanted to look nice for a single person.

But there I was, standing there, blushing. I blinked a few times before stuttering out a string of letters that made absolutely no sense.

“Your face is really red,” Jared chuckled, and gently pushed passed me, waving to my mom and dad. I didn’t respond as I stepped aside, catching a smile from John as he passed me quietly. I grinned to myself as I slowly turned around to shut the door, and then immediately grew nervous again when I realized I was nearly dressed in rags. And, while I’m not so sure if John would’ve noticed, something in the back of my head told me he did. I had wanted so desperately to snap my fingers and have my clothing change to something decent – anything other than sweats.

Jared and John turned to face me, and I could feel my face heat up again, from my neck to my cheeks. I looked down and bit on my lip, picking up the fabric of my sweater.

“So, you’re coming like that?” I could picture the way Lindsay would’ve said it (‘you’re coming like that?’). But, Jared said it in a more curious than judgmental way, and I’m so sure I could have said ‘yep’ and he would have let me walk out of the house and gone to the party just as I was and not cared a single bit. Maybe that’s the difference between boys and girls – though I couldn’t be sure.

I kind of laughed at myself – the situation – and shook my head. “I mean, I didn’t know it was…um, now? Or, t-today.” I looked up to see what their reactions would be, saw Jared slap Johns arm playfully and chuckle.

“Dude, way to go,” he snorted. “Set a date and not tell her when?” I blushed harder at the mention of ‘date’, and even saw a little bit of colour show on Johns cheeks. His chuckle seemed like a nervous one, and he brought a hand up to rub the back of his neck, looking toward me sheepishly.

“Sorry about that,” He grinned, “I- I guess…I don’t know. I forgot.” It wasn’t a big deal, and I wanted to tell him not to apologize, because it didn’t matter. But all I kept thinking about was how crappy I must have looked right then, and I couldn’t really stop thinking about it. So I just shrugged at him.

“I-It’s fine. Just give me a few minutes to, um, you know - change?” I hadn’t actually waited for a response, just rushed up the stairs to my bedroom, dug out high-waisted shorts, slipped on my Doc Martens and tied them up, and slipped on a white v-neck. Before leaving, I stuffed my cell phone in my pocket and grabbed a light sweater ‘just in case’. Deciding I had no time to fuss about hair or make up, I simply took the hair tie out and let my hair down as I ran down the stairs.

I nearly tripped on my own feet as I entered the room to find John and Jared sitting down with my parents, drinking coke. My eyes wandered over the scene, thinking of how strange it was to have some other boy sitting and talking to my parents that wasn’t Jared or related to me.

“Ready?” Because I was so nervous, it came out as more of a question. I was so nervous my hands began to shake and it seemed really hot and my stomach was a mess – like I’d throw up my dinner. I bit on my lip and I knew my cheeks were red and I hoped that John didn’t think I was too much of a goon for always getting embarrassed. And I couldn’t believe my brain was actually thinking that way. I couldn’t believe it was making me so crazy.

I heard chairs scratch against the floor and I looked at them all again – at John. And he was tall and lanky and his hair was too long, and his eyes looked so friendly. And I was actually attracted to him, it seemed, because just the sight of his face kind of made me smile. And then I was looking at my feet again.

“Liese, did I ever tell you you’re my favourite girl?” Jared said, “You take, like, a millisecond to get ready. It’s perfect.” I smiled at him, rolled my eyes.

“Alright, Kate – George,” Jared spoke again, “we’re off. I’ll take care of her – or John will.” I pictured Jared throwing me a smug smile, but I wouldn’t look up to see him do it. My mother giggled, though.

“Alright, you have fun!” She said to us as we walked toward the door, “you too, Annaliese!” I stopped and looked at her, and she looked proud, and her eyes were watering. And I wanted to say I’m not getting married, but she looked happy that I was getting out. So just as I smiled at her, she came over and circled her arms around me in a tight hug.

“He’s so cute!” She whispered in my ear. My eyes widened and I pulled away from her.

“Shh!” But she just smiled, and shooed me away.

When I got to Jareds car, I slipped into the back seat. Nervously, I whispered a greeting to Kennedy and shook as I sat next to John. I kept stealing glances at him, wondering if I could work up the nerve to keep a steady conversation, at least once during this entire night.

As for right now, the silence seemed to be just fine.