Unwhispered Words

The number one agenda I had planned for myself from that moment of weakness 3 weeks before had been to avoid Draco. Being around him wasn’t good for me, for him, and most importantly, for my relationship with Harry. I still hadn’t told him about the kiss, and day by day, I convinced myself that this was one thing that I didn’t need to be honest with him about. As long as he didn’t know everything would be fine. However, with each day that passed, I felt more deceitful and unworthy of him than I did the day before.

Harry is a good person, who deserves so much better than what I’m able to give him. I should just tell him what happened, but if I did, I would lose him for sure, and I’m too selfish to do that. Draco had tormented Harry his whole life, and I wasn’t about to easily give him another thing he could use against him. I knew that was what he was doing. Draco had taken no interest me until I started dating Harry. That’s when he decided to be all over me. I guess he figured I was too daft to catch on. Again, he doubted my cleverness. I should have been a Ravenclaw.

I was truly learning why I was a Slytherin though. I am just as conniving and mean as the rest of them. My status as a pureblood had nothing to do with it, nor the fact that my parents are “dark wizards”. What I’m doing to Harry is just down right mean, and yet I can’t stop.

Avoiding Draco has been the hardest task of all. Being in the same house as him makes it no easier. Every time I choose to acknowledge his existence, even if it’s just a glance, I find him staring me down. It’s unnerving, really. It’s part of the reason I’ve been spending so much time with Harry. He meets me every morning, walks me to my classes, and walks me to my common room every night. He truly is the sweetest boy I’ve ever known.

I don’t understand why I’m not drawn to him like I once was, as much as I try to be. I like to believe that it’s all Draco’s fault, but it’s just as much my own. I could have pushed him away, slapped him, or cursed him, anything over what I chose to do. Kiss him back. A kiss that was full of passion, hunger, and sheer want. I desired him in a way I had never desired any other. He made me feel things I had never even considered possible before. I wanted to devour him.

But I couldn’t.

Every day that passed, I began to grow wearier of my relationship with Harry. I’ve been trying my hardest to get back the feelings I had for him not too long ago, but they aren’t there. I’ve done everything I can possibly think of. Nothing is working, and my resolve towards avoiding Draco was dissipating. Even if he is using me just to get to Harry, I’m beginning to get to the point where I don’t care. I want to enter the Great Hall on his arm, and have every girl glare at me in a rage of jealousy. I want Draco to smirk and pull me close, and kiss me in front of them all, warning all the boys that I was his and only his, and if any of them were to try anything, they would be pathetically sorry.

What is happening to me? I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve always been so secluded and willing to blend into the crowd, but now, more than anything, I wanted to stand out.

Each day the want grew more and more in the fiery depths of my heart, or is it my unsatisfied libido? I never even had knowledge of my libido until now! I knew what I truly wanted, and it was Draco. I would have him one way or another, that I was sure of, it was just getting him that would be the problem. I was still with Harry. I didn’t want to let him go so easily, but if I were to come even remotely close to getting my hearts (Who am I kidding? It’s definitely my libido,) desire, I knew I was going to have to give him up.

I gazed across the Great Hall, my eyes locking with Draco’s, easily. I knew he would be watching me. I could feel his eyes on me. This time I stared him down as well, rather than looking away like I so often did. He didn’t falter as I expected he would. He wasn’t ashamed of being caught, it was quite the opposite. As his well-known smirk took its rightful place on his lips, I felt the heat begin to spread between my legs. A feeling I had never known, but was growing used to thanks to him. I smirked back at him, his eyebrows rising slightly in surprise.

Harry sat down beside me, kissing my cheek. “Hey baby, how was your day?”

I pulled my eyes away from Draco and smiled up at Harry, but the warmth I used to feel when seeing him did not come, although I no longer expect it to. It had been gone ever since the moment my lips touched Draco’s.

“It’s been surprisingly productive. I’ve figured out quite a few things.”

“That’s great! So what have you figured out?”

His smile was genuine. He was so interested in what I had been thinking so hardly about. I guess I could humor him.

“Sexuality.”

His eyes widened. I giggled.

“What I do and don’t find attractive in the opposite sex, per say.”

“I see.” A light smile covered his lips. “I’m sure I kept coming to mind, right?”

The fact that he was so sure of himself when it came to me pulled at my heartstrings. I didn’t want to hurt him. That was never my intention.

“Not exactly.” I whispered, leaning forward to plant a chaste kiss on his lips. “I have to go.”

Before he could reply, or question me about my response, I was walking out of the Great Hall, but there was just one thing I couldn’t resist.

Looking over my shoulder, I caught Draco’s eye once more and winked. He gaped at me, and as I rounded the corner, out of sight both his and Harry’s sight, I smiled.

* * *

I have never been a mean person. Sure, my family is full of assholes, I didn’t get the attention I needed as a child, and my parents follow the Dark Lord, but somehow through it all, I turned out a decent human being. I like to think that Dumbledore had a lot to with it. He took me under his wing when I first got here my first year. I never did understand why he took such an interest in me. Harry, I can understand. I mean, he is The Boy Who Lived after all, but me, I’m just that, me.

Dumbledore has been more of a father to me than my own ever has.

Thinking of him made me want to go visit, but considering he’s probably the busiest wizard in the world, I decided to wait until he called upon me, which I expect will be happening soon enough. Halloween is next weekend, and he’s finally agreed to let us have a Halloween dance. It took a lot of convincing though. After having the Yule Ball, a lot of the students at the school are trying to convince the staff that we should have dances every year. It’s fun and refreshing. I’ve been proposing the idea for the past 6 months to him through consistent letters, and visits when I’m actually at the school. My persistence paid off.

Harry and I are going together, of course, and he’s talking about going as “Prince Charming” and “Cinderella”. Who the hell is Cinderella? Harry says they’re two people who are destined to be together, and no matter who or what got in the way, they still find their way back to one another. Harry likes to think we have that, but we don’t. I just wish I could tell him..

When did this all become a game to me? You’re not supposed to do this to people you care about, and I do care about Harry, but every time I kiss him now I feel like I’m kissing my own brother. It takes all my willpower to not make a disgusted face every time our lips touch now.

“Peverell! Hey, slow down, wait up!”

I almost froze in my tracks. I would know that voice anywhere. I quickened my pace, but I knew he would catch me. It was only a matter of time. I started to ascend the staircases, hoping one I was on would shift away from one he occupied.

“You can’t run from me forever, Charlie! I know that’s what you’ve been trying to do!”

I cringed. I really didn’t want to be avoiding Draco. I wanted to be as close to him as physically possible. Close enough to feel his breath on my neck and his warmth radiating off his body to mine, but I continued moving away from him. I clutched the banister as the staircase I was on swung violently to the left. Was I really lucky enough for it to change so he couldn’t follow me?

I let out the breath I wasn’t even aware that I was holding.

“Thought you lost me, did you?” he whispered in my ear. I jumped, nearly falling over the edge of the stairs. Draco wrapped his arm around me and pulled me back, against his chest.

“I don’t understand you. As we were kissing I felt a connection between us and I know you did too, but after it happens, you tell me it’s a mistake and you run away. Now you’ve been avoiding me ever since. You kissed me back, Charlie. You have feelings for me you don’t want to confront, but you can’t stay hidden from me forever. And that little stunt you pulled back at the Great Hall just now? Not very nice if you ask me. You should never tease someone if you don’t plan on following through later.”

He spun me around, making me look into his lust filled eyes, pulling me even closer against him, something I didn’t believe was possible.

“And since you had no intention of following through on your own, I decided to help you.”

He lifted me with ease off the ground, cradling me in his arms, making a mad dash for a nearby broom cupboard. Locking the door behind us, he murmured the words to a silencing charm. I couldn’t hold back any longer, and as he turned back to me, I threw myself at him, thrusting my tongue into his mouth in a fiery, passionate kiss.

He groaned, wrapping his arms around my waist and pushing me backwards into the opposite wall, grinding his body against mine.

“Fuck Peverell, what has gotten into you?”

“You.” I replied, my voice dripping with desire.

Our lips met again as I ran my fingers through his hair, pressing my body up against his.

“Oh, Draco..” I moaned, once he started working on my neck.

“I want you so badly right now, Peverell, you have no idea.”

“Oh, I think I do.”

He pulled away from me suddenly, retreating to the other side of the cupboard. I did my best to mask my disappointment, smoothing out my robes.

“Then why have you been avoiding me? Why did you say our kiss was a mistake?”

My smirk faltered. This was really bothering him, wasn’t it? I walked towards him, taking his hand in mine and placing it to my lips.

“I want to be with you, Draco.. I just don’t want to hurt Harry. I do care about him.”

He rolled his eyes. “Just tell him to piss off, you’ve found someone better.”

It was my turn to roll my eyes. “I’m not that cruel.”

“Oh really? Then why are you in here with me and not him?”

I stepped away from him, releasing his hand as his words washed over me. He’s right. I’m such a little slut.

“Charlie…” He grabbed my face, turning it pack to his, placing a soft, gentle kiss on my lips that I couldn’t help but return. He had never kissed me so genuinely before. It made me want to swoon. “I want to be with you too.”

I sighed. My life was fine until Draco came along. Now all he’s done is complicate things. If my parents were to ever find out how unladylike I’ve been acting, they would kill me, then bring me back to clean up the mess..

That’s when it hit me. I knew what I could do that wouldn’t hurt Harry and would still give me Draco.

I smiled up at him, kissing him one more time.

“You will be mine, Draco. I know what I have to do.”