Arrangements

Things didn't exactly turn out the way I've always wanted them. I mean, you want one thing and you get another. Or, you want two things and fate settles you with one, making the other, almost impossible to have. So, you have to live with that one, and spend the rest of your life correcting the other...or forgetting it. Whatever happens, as my father would say, you gotta roll with the punches.

I can't say I ever wished for my life to be as great as it is with Gerard. I only wished that we would be happy, just happy. I wanted my family here, and happy, too, but I only got the latter. I am not saying that I regret such a happy life with him, only that it's weird that we're happy. All the things we've been through, I'm surprised we made it at all.

With a child, nonetheless!

Hazel has been the brightest star in my entire darkness. She has been the strength and the straight jacket to keep me from ripping out my hair. She's the only thing that I will never regret in my life.

As she got older, it amazed me how much I could love her as much as I do. It hurts how much I care and love this little girl. Everyday, she does something knew that makes me happy I have her in my life, the real good, and root, of my entire life.

When I go on trips, shows and events, I bring her along. I make sure she sees what Gerard and I do for a living. Her response is always the same; "Wow, mommy, wow." When I hear those three little words, in her teeny voice, it makes me feel like the trouble I went through to get to her was worth it.

Gerard loves to see her at shows, with those big headphones on, and it makes him smile. She and Danny watch, always from the balcony, as their daddies play on stage; Allie and I are always there cheering them on, too. Even when Gerard goes overseas, he always manages to call Hazel and tell her how the show went; Hazel in return tells him what he should do for the show next. It's amazing seeing them interact, they both have the greatest imaginations. They are both the greatest things in my life.

I turned 30 when they released Danger Days, and Gerard went through that weird phase of dying his hair. There was blonde, then orange, and eventually, thanks to Hazel, was bright red. Hazel thought it was beautiful, her words, and it made her smile.

"Wow, daddy, wow." Were her words.

I didn't hate it, and I didn't love it. It was Gerard, and I love Gerard, so I could deal. It never turned me off, I didn't care what he did with his hair, as long as he kept it long, so I could pull it.

Anyway, when that album was released, that November, I found out I was pregnant. Yes, baby número dos, and I was more than excited to tell Gerard. He and I had been talking about another baby, but since our schedules were heavy, and Hazel needed our undivided attention, we held it off; we even postponed our vow renewal. While that it was happening, I often wondered if we were ready. The only person I told was Hazel, and she had shaken her head and smiled.

"Are we ready for a baby, Haze?"

She had jumped up and down, "Yes! Yes we are!"

Telling Gerard was only half the battle. I was so nervous, I let Hazel tell him. You should've seen the look on his face.

"Are you for real?" He asked with a small smile.

"Yes!" Hazel jumped up and down again, "Mommy is having a baby!"

Gerard pulled me onto his lap, in a tight hug, and it made all my worry and doubt fade. It went better than I anticipated, really.

For 7 months, everything went smoothly. I had our son, Draven Arthur, on June 30th, right after my 31st birthday. It was a smooth birth, to be honest, and Gerard was right there the entire time. We didn't really figure out what to name our baby until the last week of my pregnancy; thanks to the movie, the Crow, it was pretty easy.

"I want our son to be as bad ass as Eric Draven." Gerard had said.

"What if it's another girl?"

"Well, then we'll call her Erica."

Immediately, when our son was born, Gerard and I both said Draven. But, we don't even call our son by his name, because Gerard calls him Dracula. Yes, that name still lives and thrives in Gerard's brain, even Hazel calls him that...and I'll admit, I call him Drac on occasion. You'd think Gerard would give his kids positive names, but he likes to name his kids after the bad guys in his life. They both seem to like it.

Now, another year has past, and things seem to slow down again. Hazel will be starting kindergarten and Drac (told you) is starting to stand on his own; Hazel looks way too much like Gerard, it's almost scary, and Drac looks more like Mikey than anything. He has a mess of dark hair, that shy smile like Mikey's and his eyes are a light brown color. Both of my kids are the cutest thing; I could stare at them all day. Allie gets all gushy when she sees Drac, because of the eerie resemblance, and Mikey blushes, it's kinda funny.

"Look at your future, Dracula!" Gerard joked; he shoved Drac's chubby face into Mikey's, "You're gonna look like that."

Mikey rolled his eyes and held Drac, "He's gonna be good looking." Mikey joked back, "Must be a relief, huh, Stormy?"

I had laughed, "Oh, stop it, my son would be handsome either way."

My son, along with looking like Mikey, looked a bit like Danny when he was a baby. It made me sad at times, y'know, when I noticed it, and it only made my love for the little ones even deeper. Danny had become like my son, after Astrid left, and I love him just as much as I love Hazel and Draven.

Speaking of Astrid...I hadn't seen her since the last time we talked. No one has, and Frank, he's moved on. He's dating, and he's happy, which in return, makes all of us happy. He's a great dad, and I couldn't have asked for a better person to take care of my nephew. I don't have anything to say against or for Astrid; I'm ashamed that she hasn't been in her son's life, but what am I to do? It's her life. Her choices, she made the wrong ones, and I'm sure she knows that.

Believe me, I don't hate her, I don't hate anyone. I try to be more positive in my life, for my kids, my art and my husband. In the beginning, I never was positive, I never thought I'd fall as hard as I did for Gerard. I'm happy that it turned out the way it did. I don't believe I would change a thing.

"Hey beautiful." Gerard smiled at me from the door way of my studio; his hair was back to black, messy, as if he just rolled out of bed.

"Hey," I smiled back, placing my paint brush down, "Where's Dracula?"

He snickered, "Frank took him off our hands for a while, he's gonna pick Hazel and Danny up from school, too." 

"So, what are we suppose to do?"

He raised his brow, "Do you really have to ask?"

I shook my head, giggling as Gerard walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me. I wrapped mine around his neck, breathing his scent in as I buried my face into his neck. 

"I'm in love with you, Stormy." He said softly. 

I pulled away and cupped his jaw, "Don't worry, I'm in love with you, too, Gee."