Untangle Me

Auden sighed sadly. She had made the mistake of telling her mother all about her day at the studio. Her mother wasn’t pleased to hear that her director had “set her up with a boy” and she even dared to question whether it really was the doings of her director, or if it was Auden making up stories so she would be able to go out with him. After two hours of being yelled at, Auden had given up on trying to convince her mother otherwise.

She sat at the kitchen table, her legs tucked neatly underneath her as she stirred a batter of cookie dough. John had promised he’d show up at 7, and he was now half an hour late. Maybe he had forgotten – or just blown her off altogether. Either way, it was only reaffirming why she steered clear of personal interaction.

“I mean, really, Auden,” her mother started again as she walked into the dining room. Auden looked up from the glass bowl, eyes tired and mouth pulled down into a frown. “I can’t believe you got your hopes up like this. I always told you not to trust others, that you need to look out for yourself and only yourself.”

Auden nodded in response. She wasn’t sure why she had thought John would be different. After all, he hadn’t done anything to prove that he was different. In fact, he did everything her mother warned her about. There was no reason to trust him, so there was no reason to be this disappointed.

“I get it, mom,” she muttered, getting to her feet. She avoided eye contact with her mother as she made her way into the kitchen. She dropped spoonfuls of cookie batter onto the baker’s sheet she had set out earlier, then slid them into the preheated oven and sighed again, setting the timer.

“Why don’t you go get changed and start one of your books,” she suggested lightly, patting her daughter’s head. “I’m going to the store. While I think it’s great that you bake your sorrows away, cookies are not dinner.”

Auden licked her lips and pushed herself away from the counter. She felt ridiculous as she padded across the wood floors of the apartment. She sat on her bed for a while, long after her mother had left, focused on her breathing. She looked at the pile of library books on her nightstand, then at her leotard draped over the back of the chair at her desk. Just as she was about to contemplate why she allowed for this night to happen, she heard a knock at the door.

She tried to keep her composure but she ended up rushing to the door.

“Sorry I’m late,” John said as she opened the door. She eyed him sternly, quietly. He scratched the back of his neck. “I could stand here and apologize all night, but uh, I’m here now and we’re already late as it is..”

Auden pursed her lips and reached for her jacket. John helped her into it and then draped an arm around her shoulders, leading her toward the elevator. He stayed quiet on the way to his truck, and even when Auden dared to ask where he was taking her – he had no reply.

“I think you at least owe me an explanation as to why you were late, then, since you won’t tell me where we’re going,” she tried.

He just glanced at her. And as soon as the flickering streetlight had removed its illumination from his face, he turned away again. She didn’t understand him very well; what was the point in keeping their destination – or why he was late – a secret? Accepting that she wouldn’t be receiving an answer, she watched the scenery flying by her window.

They had been driving for twenty minutes before he suddenly spoke. “You look great, by the way.”

She drew her eyes away from the window as he slowed down, turning into a parking lot filled with cars. There were so many people milling around outside this particular building and she couldn’t understand why. She sat, dumbfounded, until John made his way around the truck and opened the door for her.

“We’re just a little late,” he explained to her, taking her hand and helping her out of the seat. “But it’ll be alright. No one really notices when you’re late here.”

Confused, Auden had no other choice but to follow him inside the warm building. She noticed that being with John had allowed her access without question, while the line at the door had to wait and be checked off a list. She desperately wanted to question him now but she didn’t get the chance. As they walked into the main part of the building, John’s name was called from a few different directions. She expected him to stop and answer, but instead he pulled her a little closer and they kept walking toward their destination.

“Okay,” he said, finally.

Auden looked up at him. “You’re going to tell me what’s going on?”

John smiled. “I’ll tell you part one.”

Auden raised an eyebrow. “There’s more than one part to tonight?”

John chuckled, pushed a door open, and guided her inside. She looked around the room; there were boys sitting around, instruments in their hands, waiting for something to happen. “I’m in a band,” John explained quietly to her. “I sing. These are my band mates and best friends. Part one is just the show. Part two, however, is going to be the real fun.”

Auden didn’t like the sound of part two, but she had no choice – on any level. She wanted to “loosen up” and she wanted the lead role in the ballet. And, of course, she had no way of getting home because John had driven her.

**
“How’d you like it?” John asked after the show. He handed her a cup, of which she was sure contained alcohol. She awkwardly held it, wondering if she should let him know that she didn’t drink.

“It was better than I thought it would be,” she admitted shyly, inwardly hating that he had known she enjoyed it – presuming with his question that she already liked it, he just hadn’t known to the exact extent. John moved closer to hear her over the house music, “Your sound is kind of expected for your appearance, though.”

He chuckled warmly. “Yeah?”

Her cheeks burned bright red. “I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. Just that it’s expected.”

He smiled again and brought the beer bottle to his lips. “Just wait until the next part.”

Auden felt her stomach flip. She really didn’t like the sound of this, and her worry grew even more as they walked out to the parking lot and he kept sipping at his beer. The first part was enough to loosen her up; she had seen the way the kids in the crowd jumped around and how they reacted to the music. She could take that and apply it to her dance; she didn’t need anything else to help her.

Part two was a house party: her worst nightmare. She felt extremely out of place as John freely talked to everyone he passed by, giving loose hellos whenever he made eye contact.

John turned around quickly, now looking down at her. He was grinning as he said, “Let’s dance.”

Before she could protest, he snatched her by the wrist and dragged her into the pulsing group of other young people. She had no idea what the song playing was, or how the words went, but she felt the beat and the rhythm. She stood still, however, too embarrassed to actually move.

“Come on,” John said in her ear as he slowly moved against her body. Her face flushed a deeper shade of red than ever before. “You’re a ballerina. You have more moves than everyone in here combined. And trust me when I say that; my friend Halvo is here and he can definitely cut the rug.”

She looked into his eyes and saw nothing but sincerity as he smiled at her again. She bit her lip anxiously, glancing around them. No one noticed her or even gave her a second glance. She sighed inwardly, reserved with the fact that John would only keep hounding her if she didn’t comply.

And as soon as she started moving in time with the music, she realized just how much fun it was to let go of her formal training. It felt nice to relax and laugh at the corny jokes he was saying in her ears.

“You want a drink?” he asked some time later. She nodded, even though she knew he would give her alcohol again. He took her hand, fingers mingled with hers, and led her to the kitchen.

He made her drink first and as she sipped it, she leaned against the counter, watching as he whipped up his own. “So, why are you really volunteering at the Academy?”

He glanced up at her quickly. His eyes were curious and hesitant. “Promise you won’t hate me?”

For the first time since meeting him, Auden’s stomach twisted and she thought maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t as great as she thought he was. “What, was it something bad?”

He chuckled, gave his cup a little shake to stir it, and motioned for her to follow him outside. He opened the door and stepped outside, holding it open for her. She stepped off the patio, into the grass, and looked up at him. When he closed the door, the silent night overtook them.

“Your director has a daughter, right?” he started, running a hand through his hair as he stepped down beside her. He sat on the edge of the wooden patio, digging in his jacket pocket. He pulled out his phone and a pack of cigarettes. Auden sat beside him, and while she waited for him to continue, she too took her phone out. She had fourteen missed calls from her mother.

“Did you hit on her?” Auden asked, holding back a laugh.

He turned his eyes on her. “I thought she was out of high school, okay?”

She smiled as he lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply. He exhaled toward the sky and hummed. She kept her eyes on him, studying the way he moved.

He had an aura about him that created ease. She felt okay when she sat beside him. She wasn’t nervous about her audition or upset about her mother’s harsh words. She felt free – liberated.

“So, I’m sorry if this is forward or anything, but how does your boyfriend feel about you being out so late with someone you just met?” he questioned.

“Boyfriend?” she asked in return. “Who said that I have one?”

His eyebrows rose curiously. “Are you saying that you don’t?”

She shook her head slowly. “I- I don’t do this. Any of this. I don’t have any friends and I never go out. I never make friends in order to go out. I’m alone all the time, except when my mother is around. She doesn’t like me breaking focus on dance.”

He nodded, taking another drag of his cigarette. “So that’s what you meant when you said she wouldn’t be too happy about this assignment,” he clued in, breathing out the smoke as he spoke. She nodded in response, looking down at her vibrating phone. His eyes followed hers. “How many times has she called?”

“That makes fifteen.”

He whistled in amazement. “And you’re how old?”

She looked at him, wondering for a moment if her answer would somehow change the night. It wasn’t as though she were underage to the extent that it would be inappropriate for him to flirt with her. But if she had happened to be, would he suddenly find her like the plague?

“I’ll be 21 in a few weeks,” she finally responded.

He remained rather indifferent to her answer. “How long have you been at the Academy?”

She didn’t need to calculate. “It was 19 years last month.”

His eyes widened. “Jesus. And you haven’t made any friends in those 19 years?”

She shrugged. “It’s hard to make friends when your mother pushes you to get every lead. She’s kept me so tightly wound around her finger that I barely have room to bake. I love to bake. I’d almost rather bake than dance.”

He shook his head fervently. “Don’t ever stop dancing. God, you’re, like, the best I’ve seen.”

She chuckled softly. “Come on, be honest. It’s not like you’ve studied ballet before. I’m sure you’d say that to any ballerina you got a chance to talk to.”

“Don’t be modest,” he scolded, again exhaling smoke as the words fell from his lips. “You’re amazing. And I’m sure you’ll get this lead too, even now that you’ve got a friend to call your own.”

Auden smiled as yet another blush rose on her cheeks. She looked down at her lap, wringing her hands together over her vibrating phone. He looked at her phone and upon realizing her mother was calling for the sixteenth time now, he snubbed his cigarette out and stood.

“I better get you home,” he said, holding his hand out to her. She gripped it tightly and pulled herself up. “You find out tomorrow who got the part, right? You need to be well rested for your big day.”

She shook her head at him as they walked out to his truck. “We’ll find out tomorrow.”

The ride back to her apartment was quiet and she intended to keep it as such so he could focus on the road. She couldn’t explain the feeling she got when she noticed that he remembered how to get to her building. He idled in front of the building.

“Even if you don’t get the lead – which I’m positive you will – how about I take you to dinner to celebrate your hard work?” he asked, looking over at her.

“How about if and only if I get the lead, you can,” she corrected.

He laughed. “Fine. But you and I both know you’ll get it.”

She smiled, pushed the door open and looked in at him. “Goodnight, John. Thank you.”

**
Auden stood outside, impatiently looking around for any sign of John. The listing would be posted in less than twenty minutes and he had text messaged her that morning saying he would be there at her side when she found out. And yet, he was nowhere to be found. She pulled her jacket closer to her out of nervous habit and checked her phone.

His white pickup rolled around the corner minutes later and he waved to her out of his open window as he pulled into the parking lot. She shifted her weight anxiously as he waited to cross the street.

“Sorry I’m late,” he apologized, instantly draping an arm around her shoulders. “Band practice went a little later than expected.”

She nodded in understanding as they went inside. They traveled down the hallways and after numerous twists and turns, they saw the group of girls huddled around the director’s door.

“Go on,” he urged. “I’ll be right here.”

She looked up at him and nodded, then hesitantly making her way forward. She slowly pushed her way through the girls, vision blurring as she got closer to the list. She scanned it from the bottom up, reading name after name until she finally reached hers: at the very top.

She faintly heard girls congratulating her as she turned to look at John, who was standing exactly where she had left him, a grin on his face.

“Dinner at 8?” he called over the girls, smirking now. Auden could only nod, a small smile forming at the corner of her lips.