Punching in a Dream

The walls were a piercing white, it made me drowzy. I have been enrolled here for 4 months & 2 days. It isn't so bad. In fact, I am going through treatement, I take medication, I get visitors & gifts, etc. Grayson vists every weekend, including Friday's; Gabe & Holly visit every few weeks, Daddy visits once a month, & Pieper's first visit is today. Today is Saturday, tomorrow is my first ultrasound to see the baby, Grayson, Daddy, & Pieper will be attending with me. Since I have been here, I have learned quite a bit. I've learned that every time I had sex other then the times I did with Grayson, She was in control of me, I learned that the year mummy died, that whole year She was in control of me. All my rebelions were committed under Her control. When I left, it was both of us.

"Juniper, it's time to get up. Grayson is in the visiting room." Ms. Cindy said. Ms. Cindy is my nurse, along with many other patients here, but she seems to favor me. I sat up quickly, looking over her features just like I do every time she comes in. Her pale white complection glimmered in the sunlight, her eyes are black, making her look exotic. Her long black hair was tied neatly & tightly into a braided bun, she was quite beautiful, & young.

"I'm awake, Ms. Cindy." I said gently. When she looked at me, she smiled. I couldn't help but to smile back. She handed me two pink little pills. I took them, no questions asked. "Now, let's get you to Grayson." She smiled & took my hand, leading me down a long hallway & short staircase. In a matter of a few minutes, I collapsed into Grayson's arms. His strong embrace overwhelmed me, though I see him every weekend, it always seemed like a lifetime. His hands stroked my hair & spine, everything felt warm. When we pulled away, he pecked my lips lightly. Automatically he led us to our room, Ms. Cindy stands outside, there are cameras, so there isn't much privacy. "So, how did you do this week?" He asked. His eyes focused on mine, there was enthusiasm in his voice. I smiled a little. "Good, just as every other week, & just like I told you yesterday."

"Have you made any friends?"

A pinch of anger hinted in me. "Matter of fact, I have. Her name is Selene Cornwell. She sufferes far worse then I do when it comes to mental disability."

Grayson seemed stunned. "What kind?"

"Schizophrenia paranoya, & she has voices inside her head." I said simply. Grayson cocked his head, trying to understand. "They tell her to do things." I added.

"What kind of things?"

"I promised her I wouldn't tell anyone."

"I see." He smiled & squeezed my hand tighter. "Do you talk to her daily?"

"We sit together at lunch now. We tell each other our lives, you should meet her." I said. Grayson's eyes perked up; they sparkled in delight. "I would love to meet her, Juniper." He said lovingly. I smiled brightly at him, trying to find the right emotion that was consuming me.

"So, are you ready to be a Daddy?"

His cheecks flushed. "I honestly can't say, but all I know is that I want to try to be one, with you. I'm really nervous." He admitted. "That's okay, I'm sure you will be a great one." I added. He leaned into me then, letting his lips touch mine. It was a short, passionate kiss, the ones that I fantasize about when I lay alone in my cell.

"Have you come up with any names yet?" He asked.

"I've been playing around with Simone for a girl, or Simon for a boy. I have a list."

"Where is it? Can I see it?"

"In my head." I finished with a sheepish smile. "I like the name Effy, for a girl, too."

"I like Jude for a boy."

"Have we come to an agreement?" I giggled.

"I think we have." He smiled once more before picking me up & setting me on his lap. He hid his face in the arche of my neck & tangled himself in my hair. I sat there, contempt in the moment. "It's been hell without you," he whispered. Goose bumps rose on my skin. "I miss sleeping side by side with you, I miss waking up to your voice, I miss everything." He added. I sighed, agreeing with him. He looked up at me with his big blue eyes, he was quite beautiful.

"You're beautiful." I said quietly. He chuckled & cocked an eyebrow. He leaned up & kissed me gently. Just then, Ms. Cindy came in, letting us kow that our hour was up. Grayson lifted me up & sat me down on my feet. Ms. Cindy led us through another hallway, I went as far as I could go to the front security gates. Grayson hugged me tightly & kissed me for a moment. Then he was gone.

Ms. Cindy walked be back to my room, I took my medication, I sat in silence, & then it was time for group therapy. Ms. Cindy talked about how well my progress has been, & that I would be able to get out a month earlier when the baby is born. The group sat silently waiting for others to arrive, then there was Mr.Theodore, the therapist, who was smiling as I took my seat. Mr. Theodore is an expert in phsycology, though he comes off as harsh, his methods have seriously helped me. The session started out slow, just like the usual, then came to my turn. He asked me how I felt about my ultrasound & how Grayson feels about all of it. I told him things are great, he is excited to be a daddy, & then he cut me off & ranted about how I used the word 'daddy' towards Grayson. At that point I felt angered & felt my self going under. At that point I was escorted back to my cell by Ms. Cindy & security gaurds.

I laid in my room, starring at nonexistent patterns of crack on the walls until I went asleep.

The sun was bright & burned my pupils, Ms. Cindy pulled me up at out of bed & gave my medication. "Are you excited to see Pieper for the first time in 6 months?" She asked. "I am more excited to see Grayson." I said indifferently. Ms. Cindy looked disappointed. "You have to understand that she knew about your disorder before you did, she played along to keep you safe. Her method didn't really help, but she did try. She is your bestfriend, Grayson is your boyfriend. She has known longer & knows how to handle you, Grayson is still learning."

She had a good point. I was being selfish. It wasn't that I wasn't excited to see her, I was just more excited to see Grayson. She led me down a series of long hallways, short sharp turns around corners, & then I spotted Pieper's blue & purple hair. Grayson looked up from the tiles & ran up to me, picking me up off my feet. I could hear Ms. Cindy greeting Daddy & Pieper. Pieper's voice was strained, annoyed even. When I let go of Grayson, I collapsed into Pieper. Tears burst through me, I couldn't keep from sobbing. Daddy talked with Grayson & Ms. Cindy. Things seemed okay. Pieper pulled away, her face was flushed with anger & tears. "How could you do this to yourself?" She croaked. "Huh?" Before I could say anything, her hand slid across my cheek, I was taken aback,Grayson caught me. I looked up at Pieper, her face was crushed. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

Grayson scoweled & wrapped his arms around me as we walked to the check up room. Daddy talked to Pieper, trying to appease her. Ms. Cindy kept talking to Pieper as well, telling her my progress, that Grayson was infact the father of my baby, that when I left Detroit, I was at that point going through progression. She perked up a little at the sound of progress. Grayson kept me away from her, guiding me only closer to him. In no time, I was on the hospital bed, my dress was up & the lubricant was over my stomach. Every one sat in silence until the black & white image of my baby came up; gasps filled the air.

"She seems very healthy, her heart beat is strong. She is doing well."

"She." I whispered to myself. It's a girl. Grayson squeezed my hand & shoulder, Effy will be born in a matter of 5 months. I couldn't wait.

"Now, you will be coming back here twice a week for check ups, your medication could prolong your pregnancy, but will not harm the baby." She said lovingly. Everyone sighed in relief. Things were starting to go back to normal.