Broken Bones and Shattered Hearts

Chapter Twelve.

All was well. Or at least Lexi presumed it was as she not heard from April or Bam for a week. She had started her new job at the local school and everything seemed to be falling into place. They had found a preschool to enrol Caleb in and Tom’s job was really taking off. Tom was still adamant that she should tell Bam the truth, but Lexi argued that Tom did know Bam like she did and that it was not a good idea.

Tom had to go away on business for the week. For his sake, Lexi pretended she would be fine but truthfully she felt scared of being along with Caleb in such a big house. He suggested she should stay with Vivian while he was away but Lexi didn’t think she could put up with her mother’s accusing stares for that long.

“I’ll be fine.” She smiled as convincingly as she could as Tom waved goodbye. Ryan had agreed to pop round in the evenings to keep Lexi company, which put her at ease a little.
It was the first night without Tom and after putting Caleb to bed, Lexi snuggled up on the sofa with a glass of wine and a DVD. Ryan had been round earlier and had taken Caleb to the park. He was enjoying bonding with his little cousin. Lexi knew that deep down, just like her mother, he was wondering when she was going to tell Bam.

As the film started to play, Lexi cleared her mind and tried to relax. The last week had been fine who was to say this one would be any different. Bam had probably forgotten she was back. Maybe April had convinced herself she had been mistaken.

All of a sudden, Lexi heard a loud thump from upstairs. She sat very still, trying not to make a sound when her thoughts went straight to her son. Caleb was fast asleep upstairs. Lexi jumped off the sofa and headed upstairs on tiptoe, trying not to disturb whatever or whoever was there.

She made her way to the top of the stairs cautiously. Her heart was thumping in her chest and her mouth was dry with fear. To her horror, at the end of the landing, just outside Caleb’s room was a shadowy figure. Lexi gasped and switched on the light. She was met with a familiar set of eyes.

“Bam, what the fuck are you doing here?” she demanded, staring in shock at the intruder.

“I don’t really know.” He shrugged sheepishly.

“You broke into my house!” she exclaimed, her legs trembling a little from the fright. She never imagined she would ever be so relieved to see Bam’s face again. “You scared the crap out of me!” she continued, starting to laugh a little and forgetting how annoyed she was with him.

“Sorry about that. I didn’t think you’d let me in if I used the front door.”

Lexi shrugged. He was right. “But what do you want that is so important you have to break into my house in the middle of the night?”

Bam looked at her as if he was debating how to begin his story. He brushed some leaves out of his tangled mess of hair and wiped the dirt off his jeans. “I wanted to see the kid.” Bam sighed.

Lexi’s eyes widened and she felt her throat tighten. “Why?” Had April said something or had Bam worked out the dates himself?

“To see if what Ape said was true.” Bam replied, as if Lexi should know what April had said.

Lexi raised her eyebrow pressing for Bam to continue. She had a funny feeling she knew what was coming.

“Ape reckons...” Bam began, looking a little worried. “She reckons that your kid...”

“Caleb.” Lexi corrected him and folded her arms across her chest.

“Caleb...” Bam repeated. “She says he looks like me.”

Lexi felt the blood rush back to her head and her legs felt like jelly. It was now or ever, she thought. It was the perfect opportunity. She had the upper hand. Surely it was best to get everything out in the open, like Tom said, so that they could get on with the rest of their lives.

“Alex?” Bam was staring at her oddly, as if she had something on her face. Her terror must have shown.

“Don’t forget I’m mad at you.” Lexi glared at him. “But you better come downstairs.”

Bam accepted the impromptu invitation and followed Lexi back down the stairs and into the living room. They sat awkwardly at either ends of the sofa and Lexi brushed her hands through her hair in exasperation.

“Would you like some wine?” she offered, glancing at the bottle on the table.

“Will it help digest this conversation?” Bam joked. Lexi nodded.

She hurried into the kitchen to retrieve another glass, giving herself time to rehearse what to say. No matter how she put it, the truth was going to be hard to swallow. In the end she returned to the living room handing Bam the wine and she took a deep breath.

“There’s no easy way to say this so please don’t interrupt. You’re not going to like what you hear but if you listen to me I will try to explain why it’s taken this long for me to tell you. Caleb is you son. The night before I left for Cali and we slept together...that’s when it happened. I didn’t find out for weeks, and when I did I panicked. I hated you so much and I was so bitter that I didn’t want to tell you. It took me months to even tell my mom. I knew there was no way I could have a termination.”

Lexi paused to look at Bam’s expression. It was blank so she continued.

“After Caleb was born my mom came over to see us. I made her swear not to tell you. I thought it was for the best. It had been nearly a year since we’d seen each other and we had no contact. There was no way anything would work out between us. I was living at the other side of the country and you were touring. I really thought it was for the best. And after a year or two it was too complicated to say anything. I didn’t think you’d understand why I’d kept it from you.”

Bam opened his mouth. “I can’t believe this.” He said throwing his head into his hands.

“I know it doesn’t change anything, but I am sorry.” Lexi sighed.

“So what you’re saying is, I have a three year old kid I’ve never even seen?” Bam looked up at her.

Lexi nodded quietly, surprised at how calmly Bam seemed to be taking the news.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I could have done something, I could have helped.”

“No you couldn’t Bam, it was an impossible situation. We were still just kids ourselves. Your life would have turned out completely different if you’d known about him.”

“So what were you going to do when he grows up and wants to know who his dad is?” Bam asked, looking thoroughly distressed.

Lexi shrugged. “I admit it was not the best of plans and I hadn’t thought it through that well.”

“Were you planning on telling me when you came back to West Chester?” he raised his eyebrow.

“Yes. I just didn’t know how to.”

Bam stood up. It had been the calm before the storm. Of course he was going to kick off. He was furious with her for keeping this secret. He tugged at his hair in frustration and seemed to look around the room as if he was in search of something to kick or smash. Lexi held her breath and waited but the anger never came. Instead, Bam collapsed back on the sofa and started to cry.

Lexi widened her eyes. She would have preferred it if he had trashed the house. She didn’t know how to deal with tears. As much as she hated him, she knew she was in the wrong this time and had really hurt him by keeping Caleb’s existence from him.

“Bam...” she murmured, moving closer to him. His head was in his hands but she could hear him sobbing quietly. Instinctively her hand moved to his hair and she began to stroke it.
“Bam...” She didn’t know what to say. There were no words in the world that could make this any better. She decided to keep her mouth shut.

“I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to think or feel or do...” Bam exclaimed, lifting his head a little. “I can’t deal with this.”

Lexi removed her hand and nodded. She hadn’t expected the guilt to feel this bad and she didn’t know what to do either.

“Do you want to see him?” Lexi asked tentatively, unsure of whether or not this was a good idea.

Bam looked up and met her eyes. “Really?” he asked.

“Yes.” She smiled and took his hand.

They went back upstairs and Lexi opened the door of Caleb’s room gesturing for Bam to go ahead. He looked back at her a little nervously but she smiled reassuringly. He walked slowly towards the bed and stopped in his tracks once he caught sight of the little boy. Lexi could tell he was stunned. She hesitated for a second before making her way back downstairs so that Bam could have a little space to come to terms with this bombshell.

“He looks like me.” Bam said a little shell shocked, after returning downstairs.

Lexi nodded and motioned for him to join her on the sofa. “So April was right.”

“Looks like it.” Bam laughed a little and rubbed at his eyes. “Man this is...”

“Fucked up.” Lexi finished his sentence for him, grinning a little.

Bam smiled and finished his glass of wine.

They talked for the next few hours about what they had been up to for the past four years and Bam asked millions of questions about Caleb. Lexi was surprised by how well they were getting on despite the shock for Bam of learning he was a father. Before they knew it, they had gotten through two bottles of wine.

When they could barely keep their eyes open, Lexi offered a very grateful Bam the sofa as she didn’t want him drinking and driving.