Lost It All

"Fucking fuck fuck!" I yelled into my apartment, yanking on my hair hard as I paced the living room. I couldn't believe how much I had hurt Nadia. I was a fucking asshole, I realize that now.

I had to do something but what could I do? Nadia hated me. Hell from the way she put it, all my friends hated me. I couldn't thinking of anything else but to apologize. But would she listen? I wasn't sure. I wanted to find out though and I'd do that as soon as I could think of how to do it.

I looked at the time, seeing as it was nearing 11 am. I left the house just about an hour ago and our friends were probably there talking about how much of a fucking dick I was. I didn't blame them though. I kinda- no, I fucking loathed myself right now. I deserved every bit of ridicule and hate they threw at me, but it was going to change. I wasn't sure how, but it was.

I was going to give Nadia today and talk to her tomorrow when I hoped she would be alone. Today I was going to think about what I wanted to say to her and I only hoped she would listen.

~_~_~_~_~

The next day I woke up incredibly anxious. I showered and got myself ready to go see Nadia. I knew exactly what I was going to tell her and that was that I wanted to work things out with her. She may not believe it but I would make sure she did. I was complete dick but that would change. Nadia is truly my heart and soul and instead of running out on her after what happened, I should have helped her like I knew she would have helped me cope with the loss of our baby.

Before I left though, I had to call the house to make sure she was even there. I pulled out my cellphone and dialed the house, quickly pulling it up to my ear as I heard it start ringing. It rang a few times before I got the voicemail and I cursed. I glanced at the clock seeing it was nearing about 10 o'clock. She was probably out somewhere with Sami or Candi or something. But I was going to go over there anyway and wait for her. I'd wait all fucking day if I had to. I was gonna talk to her no matter what.

I grabbed my car keys and paced out of the apartment and to the car. I peeled out of the driveway as soon as I started the car and drove down the familiar road to the house. My palms got sweaty when I made that turn down the street and my heart was pounding inside my chest. I wasn't surprised when I didn't see Nadia's car in the driveway. She was still out but like I said, I would wait for her all day if I had to.

I parked by the curb in front of the house and killed the engine. For a moment I just sat in the car looking at the house with so much regret. I thought about the good times Nadia and I had. We did so much together. She was the only woman I had ever seen myself marrying and when I had asked her to be my wife and she said yes, I felt like one of luckiest guys ever. I always felt the familiar butterflies in my stomach, and I don't care how cliché or corny it sounds. It was the truth and even after all we've been through, I still felt that way with her.

I checked the time on my phone and saw it was almost 10:15. I really hoped she would be home soon. Slipping out of the car, I walked up the lawn and to the porch. From a short distance I noticed a small dent in the front door and I winced, knowing that was from me the other night.

I sat on the porch and waited. I thought about having a smoke but I wasn't sure if Nadia would be okay with me smoking here. She didn't really like it when I had done it before either, so I thought against it.

With a sigh I brought my gaze back up to the street just as I saw Nadia's car pull into the driveway. I quickly stood from my spot and brushed myself off of any dirty that stuck to my jeans as Nadia was getting out of the car. She looked tired and strained. Her brown eyes looked up at me as she walked toward me and she looked confused.

"What do you want Brian," She muttered, walking past me as she took out a house key.

"To talk." I replied, watching as she unlocked the door and turned around to face me as she sighed.

"I don't want to talk to you right now, go home," She said to me tiredly, going to shut the door but I stopped it.

"Then you can just listen to me," I said with pleading eyes pushing the door open with my hand, "Please..."

"Why should I? Why should I listen to anything you have to say to me?" she looked like she was going to cry again and I stepped inside. She didn't stop me.

"Because I lost my baby too and I was a fucking dick for leaving you to deal with the miscarriage by yourself," I said honestly, feeling the tears now pricking my eyes as I continued to speak. She continued to listen, "I-I wanna work things out with you so we can be happy again and... I know you may not believe me, but I love you with everything in me and I don't wanna lose having you in my life,"

Her glossy eyes closed once I was finished and she took a deep breath before opening them again and looking back at me. She nods as she replies, "Okay," she wipes her eyes with her hands, "I wanna work things out too,"

I smiled a little at that, feeling the urge to run up and hug her but she wasn't done, "But, it's going to take some time for me to trust you again... and-" she paused, "It would probably be best if you stayed at your place,"

I nodded my head in understanding, accepting the fact that she needed a little space and all I wanted was for her to feel comfortable, "Alright, no problem,"

She smiled a little and after a slight awkward silence, she offered me a drink and I gladly accepted, finally feeling relieved that she was giving me a second chance and she was going to let me make things right.