WTF

Well…
We don’t need diapers anymore, except for Thom. He stopped crying a while ago, at least. It’s very boring here, without actual people to talk to. I don’t consider my group humans. I would call them cute little worms- like creatures that are useless. It does not matter anymore. The group I mean.

There is no point in staying here anymore. We have all the items we need; especially now because we don’t need to get more supplies. At night the zombies arrive and I have to keep watch for any intruders. For the rest of the night I would hear scratching and moans from outside. It would drive a normal person completely insane. Luckily I’m not normal.

Before the sun would rise I lit a scented candle. The small security room was illuminated and now smelled wonderful. When would I get another chance to search for an infected? What do they actually taste like? Not like frozen pizzas I hope. I know the humans are sickened by my behavior. They don’t get used to it if I eat a zombie once. I will have to get it into their heads. Not a very enjoying thing to do. The zombies’ fat is more difficult to chew. The reason: the flesh start turning a little stiff.

I can tell the humans are awake. They can’t sleep with the noise from outside. Though, the Beast is heavily asleep. Out of the corner of my eye I see a shadow that I did not see the last time. From the shadow a muffled noise comes out of its mouth. I don’t warn the humans. The shadow is probably a harmless zombie. So I was a bit surprised when I find Untoten dragging himself. The humans were more surprised when I called to them. Untoten had no bite marks, it seems they disappeared. Thom called it a miracle. I called it a normal thing for an immortal.

We were around Untoten waiting for his story. He said, “I have a headache. I’ll do it tomorrow."

I convinced him with a few anti-pain pills. Untoten smiled as if he was in a better place. He laughed and then began the story. “I woke up alone. What was I supposed to do? So I drank all the beer. Uh, and then I pretended to be a zombie to get out. I kept saying ‘Brains’. They thought I was one of them. And I followed the gasoline trail you left behind, I think.”

Amazing, I didn’t know which was more surprising: That Untoten was dumb enough to pretend on being a zombie or that zombies were stupid enough for a cheap trick like that. Sean started laughing, maybe because how unbelievable the story sounded. Untoten asked about the pills. I handed him the bottle. The pills are very strong. Hopefully Untoten only uses two.

The sun rose, and it was beautiful. I only have a small time to stare at the big, glowing ball before my eyes began to burn. The sun, the savior of this planet, looks so mighty. If only the sun took pity on us and burned the small mud ball of a planet until I kill the leaders.

The humans woke up realizing it is after noon, they wasted 3 hours of packing. Me? I was hauling boxes to the bus. My boxes, I mean. The humans were forced by me to quickly get ready. Untoten was still lying down after I kicked him. He used the whole bottle of pills. He overdosed; I think that is what humans call it. The bottle had nothing inside of it when I shook it. The humans took notice of the empty bottle. They looked furious, angry because that was the last bottle of pain killers in the mall. To not let the humans hit Untoten, I whispered in his ear, “Porn magazines.”

He shot up and said, “Where?!”

He then turned his head many times as if he was shaking his head at something. It was a nice thing to look at. Untoten looked like a lost puppy. I soon lost interest, I told him there weren’t any. He was disappointed. Not at me, but at the knowledge of knowing there weren’t any porn magazines.

The humans too were a little bored. So what can we do in a mall and enjoy ourselves? Wait. That is a stupid question. The mall had TVs, DVDs, and movies for Brad, Thom and me. There is booze and cigarettes for Sean and Untoten. There are clothes for Martha to try out, even dog treats for the Beast. It seemed like heaven in the middle of Hell for a while. Everyone knows the truth, though. We can’t stay here forever. A huge herd of zombies and infected ones are going to find us. We can’t hide here forever. Rule #1: Don’t stay at a place for too long. I learned that lesson at the first drug store I arrived to. I’m not going to make the same mistake I did the last time.

I warned the humans to not stay here. There was a big argument at first. Sean said it was safe to stay here until the military comes to save us. It wasn’t smart: the military could have saved us a long time ago. Brad said we should leave tomorrow to make sure some zombies would leave. The plan is smarter than Sean’s: his plan will surely kill us. We planned to leave the nest day. No more movies for me again.

The next day was better. I ‘borrowed’ a camera, a potable Nintendo, and a full box of CDs. I am called a monster; being called a thief won’t matter. It suited the humans too. They brought items to their likings. The Beast brought a bag filled with cans of dog food. I can smell it five feet away. Sean and Brad climbed into the bus, along with the Beast. Untoten is still trying to carry all the cigarettes and beer he can hold. Martha said, “Let’s go clean you up first. No young lady can walk around dirty like that.”

So she pulled my arm and we entered the mall for the last time. I didn’t enjoy searching for useless items. Martha finally decided what to do me after half an hour. She dressed me up as an extreme Barbie doll. She made me look at myself in a mirror. I will not describe how I looked like right now. The get up clothes I was wearing disgusted me. I directly told her what my opinion was. She picked a less menacing outfit next.

It was strange how the humans were facing. They were a little more polite to me. It seemed like I almost blended in with the others. Martha only winked at me. I told them I’ll be on top of the bus. The humans told me I shouldn’t, since I can hurt myself. I said "okay, okay", slowly. Humans are weird.

We only had a few seconds to realize there were vehicles blocking the road. We had to take the road that enters the small town to leave. Sean made a U-turn, going back to town. And what do we find? Two male humans following us in a car. We shouldn’t have let the zombies destroy the bus mirrors. We only noticed it because the people at the car were terrible at being sneaky.

I want to know why the car is taking up the whole road. The bus stopped, we had to. I exited the bus and pointed to the car. I’ve only seen cars like those in movies. The tires are bigger than the bus, I think. The name for them in movies is ‘monster truck’. I was in awe. To be given a nickname as this truck made me proud.

My mouth was wide open when the two humans climbed off the truck with AKs in their hands. My weapons are in the bus. All I could do was lift my hands up to my head in surrender. One human stayed with me while the other climbed to the back of the truck. Human #2 brought a girl back. Human #1 pointed a gun at my head. He said, “Are there more in the bus? Nod or shake.”

I nodded. He commanded me to call them outside. I did what he told me to do. The humans came out. What else could they do? They didn’t have a choice. Human #1 stayed in the bus with us. Human #2 followed us in the monster truck with the girl.