It Should've Been Me Instead Of Him

Julie.

“You okay?” Luna asked as we walked away from the boys.

“Just look at me and you’ll find out if I’m okay.” I said, laughing bitterly.

“What’s actually the matter?” she asked again once we got seats. I didn’t reply. I felt sick inside to think about it. I saw John came over after Cam and I looked away. I didn’t want to look at his gorgeous face or talk to him either. I just wanted to be far away from him by now. I wasn’t mad at him because he yelled at me. I was just.. I didn’t know what feeling was that but it felt like fear, afraid of being far away from him forever. “You’re not in a fight with him, are you?” she asked quietly and glanced at John’s directions afterward.

“I’m not sure what happened.”

“You don’t look like a happy girl when it’s obvious that your boy will come back to you today. You should show him a smile when you welcome him instead of your sad face. You know, he mustn’t want to see a terrible look on your face.”

Her words were obviously right. I didn’t want to show a sad look on my face either. Zack’s coming was all I had waited for in a week and now I should be happy but his arrival also meant something terrible for me. I couldn’t even be with John as close as it was without Zack around.

“It’s Zack!” John’s voice blurred my thoughts. It didn’t sound like he was happy, just as so did I. I looked at him, he was pointing to where I saw Zack walk over towards us. I got up with Luna’s help and tried my best to form a smile on my lips. “Hey dude! How are you doing?”

“Very well.” Zack replied and gave John a friendly hug before he turned at me, smiling. “You took care of her, didn’t you John?” he turned to face John again.

“Uh not really.” John scratched the back of his neck and I thought he was faking a smirk. I didn’t really know but his eyes didn’t seem as happy as his lips formed like. “She can’t walk properly because of falling to the bathroom floor this morning.”

A smile on Zack’s lips faded and changed into a pout. He turned at me before throwing his arm on my shoulders, giving a peck on my forehead. “But you’re okay now, aren’t you? You must be more careful next time.” I just nodded in response, smiling. I loved the way he cared about me. It was the only reason why I kept the relationship with him. “You have to know, I really miss you dearest.”

“I miss you too.” I simply replied before giving a quick peck on his lips. “Happy anniversary, Zack.” He smiled afterward and I turned at Cam and Luna. I glanced at John but it seemed like it wasn’t a good idea. He was looking away from me. I tried to ignore it with introducing my boyfriend to my best friends. “Guys, this is my Zack.” I said, smiling. There I saw John was looking at me. He seemed kinda shock when I emphasized the ‘my’. I immediately looked away from him to look at Zack. “And well, they are the best couple, Cam and Luna. My very best friends.”

“Hey Zack, it’s nice to meet you.” Cam smiled as they shook hand. “Finally we can meet up with our best friend’s lovely boy.” I just shook my head but smiled shyly. Now Cam was like Luna, loved teasing me. “And she’s the one who really can’t wait for your arrival.” Cam rolled her eyes at Luna.

Luna just chuckled sheepishly. “Hey, it’s just like 'I really can’t wait to see my girl’s boy'.” She quoted.

We all laughed at Luna. Her eyes focused at me afterward, bringing my eyes to look at John. He was sitting alone on a bench, silently while the rest of us stood up talking and laughing. I looked back at Luna and mouthed ‘I don’t know’ before Zack caught me. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” I faked a smile, thinking of something before turning back at John. “It looks like John’s hungry because there’s nothing come out of his mouth.”

John got up and looked at me, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah, pretty hungry.” He said sarcastically.

Zack’s hand had never let go off of mine, as did his arm never let go off my shoulders. Steady helping me walk beside him after we all decided to have our lunch first before going home. Meanwhile John was with Cam and Luna, they led the walk to McDonalds with talking about something I couldn’t hear but I could tell Luna and Cam were supporting John about something.



“So, we’re going to watch movies in my house. Are you guys going?” Cam said as he got up from his seat once we were done. His arm never let go off of Luna as did Zack to me.

“Uh I don’t know, it’s up to him.” I said, pointing my thumb to Zack. “If he’s going then me too.”

Zack just chuckled at my statement before Luna rolled her eyes. “I’m sure they aren’t, Cam. Just look it’s their anniversary and it seems like they still miss each other.”

“You read us too well.” Zack replied before planting a kiss on my cheek. He was sweet. I shook my head but chuckled. I thought so, Luna was right. I still missed Zack and we needed time to be alone on our day even though I wanted John around.

“It’s cheesy sometimes, but we do too.” Luna laughed before turning at John. “So John, you’re with us or with them?”

John got up from his seat before scratching the back of his neck, one of his bad habits that showed if he was awkward. He looked at me but looked away briefly afterward. “Of course I’m with you. Let’s just leave this happy couple all alone. It’s their anniversary.” He said, smiling even chuckling. But it was fake, I could tell by looking at his eyes. and I thought he was sarcastic when he said those sentences. By that, they left.

I didn’t know why but it seemed like John was being different whenever Zack was with me, being more sensitive and quiet. As always. But now he was kinda sarcastic. Was he jealous or somewhat like that? Or it was just about my feeling? Once again, I didn’t really know but noticed.

By Zack’s hand squeezed mine, my thoughts were snapped out. I turned at him and saw him smiling widely at me as he got up from his seat. “So what are we gonna do today to celebrate our anniversary?”

“You rule, my prince.” I said, smiling a little cheesy before following him walk towards the parking lots.