Heart Vacancy

His fingertips tracing my skin. His lips on mine. This fresh memory replayed in my head as I dipped my silver spoon into a bowl with milk and cereal. Captain Crunch; Kennedy's favorite. I couldn't fix my mind on anything but the night a week ago. This wasn't the first time Garrett had kissed me. Whenever we were sad, it seemed to be a good comfort, but no one knew of those kisses, just Garrett and I. I liked the sound of that. Garrett and I.

This time, the kiss was different. It had this desire and intensity. I felt closer to him. It was as if he actually wanted me. My mind was in a daze as he bit my lower lip playfully and goose bumps covered every inch of my skin. I yearned for him. For him to be with me. For him to love me. For me to be his.
His hand slipped under my shirt as his fingertips slowly stoke my skin in circle motions. He reached the strap of my bra and I broke our kiss. I regretted ending the perfect moment. I couldn't allow things to go any further, though. I couldn't afford to lose him as my best friend. Things would have changed between us. And I wasn't going to lose my best friend. Yes, even if it meant not having him for myself.

I had to rid myself of the love I had for Garrett Nickelsen.

I grabbed my iPhone from the dining room table breakfast when it beeped with a new message. I stared at the contact name for quite a while. Would this be a sign? A way for me to eliminate my love for my best friend? Maybe it wasn't a sign, but it was an option. I opened the message and read,

Good morning, pretty lady.
Want to have dinner tonight?

I smiled and clicked the reply button.

Is this you trying to make a move for a date?

My phone vibrated with a new message a few minutes later.

You caught me. ;)
But it doesn't have to be a date. We can just go as friends.

I grinned and typed.

I would love to go on a 'date' with you, Jaime.
Pick me up at eight?

Jaime Preciado. Garrett Nickelsen. You could call them rivals. I had never heard of this Jaime boy until yesterday. Garrett had made sure of it. He said it was out of protection so Jaime wouldn't hurt me. He proceeded to calm me beautiful, which lead to our kiss. Garrett Nickelsen, my best friend and the boy who I was madly in love with, thought I was beautiful.

I smiled, blushing, as I mixed the cereal and milk on my bowl. How was it so easy for him to make me feel so happy and special, yet so sad ad unwanted? He knew every single thing about me and his friendship filled my whole life. But it also made me feel as if I wasn't good enough for him.

I had fallen for the sweet, awkward, funny, shy, zombie loving, smart, talented, Garrett Nickelsen. What would I have done if those boys wouldn't have been teasing him at the park? If I wasn't at the park that morning? What if I hadn't met Garrett Nickelsen? I shuddered at the thought.

This seemed to be option A of ridding myself of these feelings. Falling for Jaime Preciado.

"Are you just going to keep staring at your breakfast or actually eat?" Kennedy's voice snapped me back into reality. I glanced up at him, blushing. His hair was a mess and he rubbed his sleepy eyes. He only wore baseball shorts and socks, making me gaze at his shirtless body.

"I-uh- was deep in thought." I told him, shoving another spoonful of cereal and milk into my mouth. He shook his head with a chuckle before pouring milk into another a bowl, grabbing a spoon, and joining me.

"So now you know about Jaime. I kind of feel dirty about keeping things from you." he said, slipping a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

"Yeah, I don't know how you guys did it, but I guess it had to happen sooner or later." I spun my cereal with the milk.

"Do you like him?" He asked, eyeing me.

"Of course not. I just met the guy," I answered before mumbling, "Though he's taking me out tonight."

"What?" his eyes widened.

"I'm going on a date with Jaime tonight."

"Garrett's not going to be happy." Kennedy shook his head.

"So what? He doesn't control my life. I can date whoever I want." I defended.

"You're right. I'm sorry. We're just looking out for you, Lo."

"I know, and I thank you for that." I gave him a warm smile before finishing my breakfast and washing my dirty dishes.

Recording was boring. I sat on the couch following the same routine. Computer, iPod, chat with the guys, listen to a demo, hear the guys bicker. I sighed and received a new message. I opened it and smiled.

Jaime:
I'm excited for our date tonight.

"Why so smiley, Lo?" Garrett asked, making me jump. Why couldn't it have been Pat or any of the other guys to notice. Why Garrett? I still wasn't ready to tell him, and my date was in three hours.

"N-no reason."

"Don't give me that crap, Logan. I know you too well," He rolled his eyes, climbing over me to take my phone, but I tried my best to shove him away with my foot. "Those are my ribs!" He protested, still trying to reach my extended hand.

"Then get off, you goof." I said. He managed to flip me over. I was now lying on my back in the couch and he was strangling my waist with my phone in his hands. He had a successful grin marked on his face as he looked through my phone. I gazed up at him, mentally preparing myself. I watched as the grin disappeared from his face, and his lips pressed into a hard line.

"You're going out with Jaime tonight?" He asked, staring down at me now. His eyes were filled with anger, yet hurt. I looked away, not being able to stare into his pained blue orbs.

"Yes..." I whispered.

"Why?"

"Because I'm a fucking woman, I'm single, and have rights. I can date whoever the fuck I want." I yelled, struggling to get him off of me. It only caused me to fall onto the cold tile floor.

"Why HIM?" He asked as I stood.

"Because he's sweet. He's the only one boy I've met that is actually interested in me. Be happy for me for once." I rolled my eyes.

"No need to fight, guys." Pat waved.

"She's right, Garrett." John nodded.

"She can be with anyone she wants, even if we can't stand him." Jared added. I gave him a warm smile.

"I thank you guys for caring, but I need to make my own decisions and learn from my mistakes." I said, looking at my friends, except for Garrett.

"Fine, but when he hurts you, don't come crying to me." Garrett huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I wasn't planning on, but it's nice to know that I can count on my so called "best friend"."

That hit the spot. His face fell along with his shoulders. His eyes gazed into mine, filled with even more hurt.

"Lo, I-"

"Forget it," I interrupted him. "You've said enough. I'll see you guys later."

I grabbed my stuff and left. Once outside, I ran. Tears poured down my face as I called for a cab. I thought he was my best friend. I thought I could count on him for everything. He was never supposed to make me cry. He was supposed to hold me and tell me everything would be okay, like the old times. But he was never supposed to be the cause of my tears. Why was this happening? Did that kiss mean nothing to him? But was I actually hoping for things to change? Did I actually hope for him to love me? I would never be good enough for Garrett Daniel Nickelsen.

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"I think I'm taking the most beautiful girl from Arizona out on a date." Jaime smiled when I opened the door of the apartment. I blushed and heard someone groan from the living room.

"You look handsome." I smiled, and stepped aside so he could come inside. I closed the door as he joined the guys in the living room. I joined them and I could feel the awkwardness in the room. I caught sight of Garrett from the corner of my eye. He sat in the far end of the couch with his knees against his chest as he glared at Jaime. If looks could kill, we would be at Jaime's funeral by now.

"Hey, Jaime." John waved.

"Sup, guys?" Jaime asked.

"About to pop in some video games." Kennedy answered.

"Without me?" I pouted.

"You don't have to go." Garrett shrugged, finally speaking. I hadn't talked to him since our argument in the studio. I rolled my eyes, grabbed Jaime's hand, and dragged him out of the apartment.

"I'm sorry about Garrett," I sighed as Jaime drove down the streets of California. "We haven't been able to get him up to date with his rabies shots."

"It's fine," He laughed. "I would feel the same way."

I didn't say anything -- just blushed and stared out the window. I didn't want to talk about Garrett.

"So where are we going?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Ice skating." He grinned.

"Seriously?" I asked brightly. "That sounds amazing."
He smiled proudly, "You're not like any other girl I've taken out on a date before.”

“So you’re saying you’ve dated many girls before?” I raised an eyebrow and he laughed.

“I have, but I swear that I’m not a player.”

I stayed quiet, not knowing what to say.

Our date was fun. We both fell a few times as we tried to skate and when we got the hang of it, we tried a few tricks. Jaime tried to skate backwards, but ended up slamming into the wall surrounding the ice. I laughed and went over to help him up. After many other falls from both of us, we left the rink to get some hot chocolate. Is it tacky that we ended up in a Starbucks? I didn’t mind. I loved their coffee. He paid after I tried to hand the cashier my card and we sat with our coffees in a table at the far end of the shop.

“Do you go to school?” Jaime asked as he bit a piece of the chocolate chip cookie we were sharing.

“I just graduated from high school and I’m deciding whether or not I’m going to Stanford.”

“Stanford?” His eyes widened and I nod. “Why would you even have to think about it?”

“Because I enjoy touring with the guys.” I shrugged.

“Do your parents approve?”

It was too early to even think about opening up to Jaime about my parents. Garrett was the one who mostly knew what went around my house, and I kept a lot of things from him because I knew it pained him.

I shook my head, “They don’t.”

“Let’s not talk about school then,” He said, knowing it was a stressful topic. “Ready to go?”

I followed him out into the van and we climbed in with a bit of our drinks left. The ride was silent, apart for some music quietly playing in the background.”

“You need to meet the rest of my band.” He said, breaking the silence.

“I seriously do.” I nod.

“I almost forgot,” He stuffed his hand into the glove compartment, searching for something. He pulled out a cd case and gave it to me. “So you can finally listen to us.”

“Won’t my ears melt?” I asked, trying to sound serious.

“We’re not that bad.” He pout.

“So you’re admitting you’re somewhat bad.” I raised an eyebrow.

“You be the judge of that.” He laughed. He parked the van outside of the apartment, and I sighed.

“Thank you again for tonight,” I smiled. “I had fun.”

“I hope there can be a second date.” He hoped and I nod. I really would love to go on another date. I nod, thanking him again, before I jumped out of the van. I skipped into the apartments with a huge smile on my face. I hummed a song, opening the door to our summer home, and hopped inside.

“Someone’s jolly.” Pat noted, a bowl of oatmeal in his hands.

“Something tells me that the date went well.” Kennedy added.

“Maybe,” I shrugged, heading to the room I shared with Garrett. He was lying on his bed, watching tv. He didn’t look my way, and I rolled my eyes. I grabbed my pajamas and head into the bathroom. I took another shower before changing into my pjs. When I stepped out to the room again, Garrett was sitting now with his head in his hands. I sighed, “What’s wrong with you?”

“I’ve been worried sick about you.” He answered, running a hand through his hair.

“I was fine, Gare.” I chuckled, letting my body fall on my bed. He sighed before climbing into my bed and wrapping his arms around me.

“I’m sorry about the way I acted,” He sighed. “I’m just looking out for you, best friend.”

“I know. I’m used to your over protectiveness by now.”

He smiled and kissed my forehead.

He didn’t ask about my date, and I knew he didn’t want to know about it. I didn’t mind not telling him. So far, my solution was working. I liked Jaime. He was sweet, funny, and my escape from the feelings I held for Garrett.

Garrett and I lay in silence and his fingertips stroke my arm up and down. I was dozing off into sleep. His hands stopped on my wrist, and he stroke the still sensitive spot. He flicked on the light on the night stand and inspected my wrist.

“Logan,” There was an alarmed tone in his voice. “What are these?”

I stayed quiet, and looked away from his eyes. A tear slid down my cheek and he whipped it off.

“You promised you wouldn’t hurt yourself. You’re supposed to come talk to me when you feel down.” His voice was soft, as if he was about to cry.

“I couldn’t go to you,” I whispered. “You were out with the guys. I can’t always run to you when I feel worthless and I can’t make you stay with me every minute of the day.”

He lifted my chin and looked into my eyes, “I won’t leave you anymore.”

I wrapped my arms around him and sobbed. His hands stroke my hair and he whispered into my ear trying to calm me down. I fell asleep like that. Crying drained me and I fell asleep in my best friend’s arms.