To Be Happy Now

Alaska Sumner never usually cried. She was raised by Ricky to be a tough girl and 'take it like a man'. She also just hated when people saw her cry. It showed weakness and vulnerability. For the first time in her life, Alaska cried for two days straight.

She was weak and she was vulnerable. She had cancer and it was pretty obvious at that point. Her head had bald patches all over it, her eyes were sunken, her skin was sickly color–she looked like a true cancer patient.

On top of that, Austin was nowhere to be found. He took it the way that she didn't expect at all. She hoped he would be understanding and that he would be upset, but at least he would stay with her the entire night and just ask her questions. For two days straight, nobody even heard or seen him.

Alaska tried to look for him, but the thing was was that she didn't know him well enough to know all the places he would go. She had to enlist in Ricky's help to find him, and even then, they couldn't do it.

Alaska fairly assumed that he didn't want to see her again. That normally wouldn't have mattered to her because before a month ago, Alaska didn't want to be with Austin for the sole reason of her cancer. Now, she was falling for him every second and she didn't want to lose him anymore. She wanted him to be by her side and be the man that would cheer her up through anything.

"Have you heard from him?" Hayley had asked that question every day for those two days. And every time, Alaska just shook her head.

"He'll come around. John says so and he knows Austin better than anyone," Hayley hugged her once class ended. "And plus, you dropped practically dropped an atomic bomb on him. Let him recuperate and he'll be back in no time."

The way she said it still sounded skeptical. Nobody knew anything about it anymore. Austin took it worse than anyone she had ever met. Including her father.

On Wednesday, three days after Alaska told Austin the truth, Hayley came into their physics class with a sad look on her face. Alaska knew it was about Austin already and even though her heart begged not to listen to her, her brain asked what it was.

"Austin's going to Texas."

"What?" Alaska asked.

"John said he doesn't know when he's coming back, but all Austin said was that he was going to Texas. He packed up his things and everything. God, I'm so sorry, Alaska." Hayley pulled her into a hug.

Alaska seemed to be getting a lot of those.

Why did he have to leave the state? Was it because of her? Was it something else?

Alaska tried to sit through econ on Thursday and focus, but her mind kept wandering back. Her father and Austin–the two other men in her life and they couldn't seem to handle it. Why was that?

The bell rang Alaska dashed out of there, trying to avoid Hayley who was going to start comforting her again and all she wanted to do was be left alone. She wanted to go home, do her homework, and then go to sleep.

She got to her car, only to stop in her tracks.

"Austin?"

He was leaning against her car and Ray-Bans on his blank face. She couldn't see the expression on his face at all but she went up to him, trying to see if he was real or not (because the amount of time she thought about him in the past week was enough to make her possibly hallucinate things, too).

"Hey," he said, curtly.

"I–I thought you were in Texas," Alaska said, shocked.

"I was," Austin nodded. "Listen, we need to talk." He jerked his head towards Alaska's car. She nodded her head and climbed into the driver's seat while Austin took the passenger.

She started driving and it was awkwardly silent. Clearly, there was tension and you could practically touch it. Austin was mad and Alaska was sad. She couldn't even turn the radio on just to fill the silence because of how nervous she was. She didn't know what she would say to him.

Alaska drove until Austin said, "Pull over here," beside an empty park. Alaska obeyed and pulled over, almost getting out but Austin wasn't moving at all. He turned to look at her and asked,

"What kind of cancer do you have?"

Alaska, for some reason, was caught off-guard by the question. It took her a moment to realize but she answered, quietly, "Ovarian."

"How long ago did you find out?"

Alaska sighed. "Three months."

"So, you found out when I came back," Austin stated rather than questioned. He scoffed and leaned back against the seat.

"I'm so sorry," whispered Alaska.

"We started dating a month ago, Alaska!" Austin yelled. "When the hell were you going to tell me?!"

"I was going to tell you!" Alaska exclaimed. Then, she added to his disbelieving look, "I was! I was going to tell you after your show that you invited me to."

"Why didn't you?"

Alaska sighed. "I saw you at the cemetery that day–at Kat's grave. We were just beginning to reconcile, I–I didn't want to mess that up."

"Okay, then what about when we started dating? A month, Alaska. A fucking month and you didn't tell me..." Austin said, angrily.

"I know! I kept it a secret because I was afraid of what you would do!" she exclaimed, practically shrieking. "I could die, Austin. That's another one of your girlfriends dead. Why do you think it took me so long so finally go out with you?!"

Austin was silent.

"Austin, you don't know how hard this has been for me," Alaska said, feeling the tears spill over. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner but I really was going to, I just could never find the right moment to do so. And," she added. "I'm an idiot and I told myself that I wouldn't fall for you...but I did."

Alaska was crying at this point. She never cried in front of people but there she was, crying in front of Austin Gibbs.

She felt Austin reach out and pull her into his chest; she cried into his shirt. Finally, the entire truth was out.

Alaska pulled away from him and she sniffled. "Do you still hate me?"

"I don't hate you," Austin shook his head. "I just don't know what to fucking do right now. I went to Texas yesterday because my sister just opened up her photography studio but she convinced me to come back and settle things with you because at this point, I might not have a chance later..I'm falling in love with you, Alaska, I can never hate you."

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Ovarian cancer..." he repeated.

Alaska nodded.

"Is there anything else you wanna know?" she asked.

Austin shook his head. "No, this is too much." He took Alaska's hand and gave it a squeeze. She offered him the smallest of smiles and she started the ignition.

"Should I drop you off at your place?" Alaska asked.

"Where are you going?"

"Home."

"I'll just go with you," Austin said, leaning back. Alaska nodded and started driving.

Throughout the entire drive, Austin kept shooting her looks. He was finally seeing what was wrong with Alaska–she definitely looked sick. It took him too long to even realize it, and Alaska could figure out that he was still not used to it.

They arrived at Alaska's and Ricky's place and she led him inside, where Ricky was in the kitchen. He came out and stopped when he saw Austin.

"I wouldn't have taken him back if I were you," Ricky said to Alaska.

Austin sighed. "Ricky–"

"Have you finally got balls, Austin?" Ricky asked, crossing his arms. "I shouldn't even let you two in the same room together, but unfortunately, Alaska is nineteen and not an age where I can tell her what to do."

"Ricky," Alaska rolled her eyes.

"You're a dick," he said to Austin. "You know she was crying for two days straight over you?"

"Ricky!" Alaska exclaimed, feeling her cheeks turn red. Austin glanced at her, he sighed and nodded his head. "I know it was a dick move. I'm sorry," he turned to Alaska. "I didn't apologize for that and I'm so sorry."

Ricky was unamused.

"I swear," Austin took her hands. "It'll take awhile for me to fully accept everything, but I'm here for you."

"Ew, stop," Ricky grimaced. Alaska couldn't help but giggle at Ricky's response and she playfully shoved her brother and went into the kitchen. Austin followed suit and he said,

"I'm serious, Alaska. One thing my sister said was that I needed to think about you, not me," he took her face in his hands and kissed her.

"We'll get through this."