Status: far from over
Where Is Your Boy Tonight?
Chapter 2
Chapter 2
XO
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I comb the crowd and pick you out
My mouth moves too fast for you to figure it out
It starts eyes closed to fingers crossed
"To I swear, I say"
"To I swear, I say"
To hands between legs, to "whatever it takes"
To drinks at the club to the bar
To the keys to your car
To hotel stairs to the emergency exit door
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"What the fuck are you doing Andy?" He cried while pushing him backwards.
"Pete, he's a fucking Faggot! A queer! Can you believe that?" Andy said laughing.
'Pete?' I thought, 'that's so….perfect.'
"Andy, you fucker! Have you not be paying any attention to me at ALL? IM GAY! How can you be so mean to some one who's exactly like your best friend?" Pete said super pissed off now.
"W-what?" Andy said, shocked.
"Andy! Just Leave. NOW!" Pete yelled and pointed in some direction.
Andy just nodded and left in that direction, not caring where he was going as his friends followed.
As I watched Andy and his minions leave, Pete got down on one knee and looked at me with concern in his eyes.
"Are you alright?" He asked me, his hand extended to help me up.
I grabbed his hand and stood up. I sighed, " I'm fine…what about you?"
Pete smiled at me, "Oh, I'm fine, but I'm more concerned about you. Are you sure your alright?"
I nodded, "Yeah. It's just hard…ya know?"
Pete smiled again, "Yeah….By the way, I'm Pete."
"I'm Patrick."
"Patrick? Oh yeah, Joe said he asked you to come try out for our band." Said Pete.
"You're in the band? Whoa that's awesome!" I smiled at him.
Pete smiled back, "Yep, I play the bass guitar. You're trying out for the drums right?"
"Yeah, but the truth is I'm not really good at it. I can't keep a beat to save my life."
Pete put his arm around me, "I'm sure you'll make the band. If not the drums….well…"
I laughed and looked at my watch and saw that it was 5:13.
"Oh shit! I'm late! My mom's gunna kill me!" I said freaking out.
Pete looked at me, "Your late? What did you miss the bus?"
"Yeah, I did so I decided to watch the game…" I said to him.
"Hmm…well…..do you want a lift home? I could drive you…if you want." Pete said.
"Oh I don't know.."
"Are you sure? Because I don't want to wake up tomorrow and on the news there you are, dead on the ground because some random psycho decided to chop your face off." Pete said to me.
I laughed. "You really want to give me a ride?"
Pete smiled, "I just down want to see you hurt more then you already are."
" then its settled! I would love a ride." I said and I picked my back pack up.
"Alright then! My car is over there….some where…." Pete said looking for his car.
"What kind of car do you have?" I asked.
Pete ran a hand threw his hair. "Its a truck….and its kinda rusty…and its OVER THERE!" Pete said as he ran to it.
I stood there and blinked. "Pete! WAIT FOR ME! My chub can't handle the endurance!"
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To the love, I left my conscience pressed
Between the pages of the Bible in the drawer
"What did it ever do for me" I say (I say, I say, I say)
It never calls me when I'm down
Love never wanted me
But I took it anyway
Put your ear to the speaker
And choose love or sympathy
But never both
Love never wanted me
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Soon we were driving along Perry Avenue while listening to Panic at the disco.
"I love PATD!" I cried when Pete put their first CD in. This is a fever you'll never sweat out.
"Their one of the best!" said Pete as he turned the CD to track 10.
Oh, well imagine, as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor,
and I can't help but to hear, no I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words:
"What a beautiful wedding! What a beautiful wedding!" says a bridesmaid to a waiter.
"And yes, but what a shame, what a shame, the poor groom's bride is a whore." I sang along quietly, I didn't want Pete to hear me sing because that would be embarrassing!
Pete side glanced at me once he stopped at a light.
"I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality." I sang still quiet. I didn't think Pete could hear me with how loud the song was being played.
I'd chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of...
"Well in fact, well I'll look at it this way, I mean technically our marriage is saved. Well this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne" I whispered when I turned and locked eyes with Pete. 'oh shit. Busted.'
Oh! Well in fact, well I'll look at it this way, I mean technically our marriage is saved
Well this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne, pour the champagne
" You have a great voice, you should sing more often and," He cracked a smile, "a lot louder."
I blushed. Maroon 5's got nothing on me!
"U-umm, Thanks?" I said and I turned to face the road.
Pete just kept on smiling. He started to hum the rest of the song and nodded his head to the beat.
I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
"So where do you live anyway?" He asked after what felt like hours. But really it was only 7 seconds.
"Oh, I live on Hawthorne Heights…." I mumbled my street name out. Nobody ever believes I life on Hawthorne Heights because it's a famous band name! Well, tough shit man. I like my street name….
"Re-really?" Pete choked out. I nodded and started to sing to the song again, only louder then my quiet murmur.
"But you really need to listen to me, Because I'm telling you the truth, I mean this, I'm okay! Trust me."
We turned on to my street and I told Pete my address. We were almost to my house when I started to sing again. "I'd chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?" No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality."
Pete stopped at my house and turned to me to watch me sing. I blushed and stopped, turning away to face my window, but a hand on my shoulder made me turn back.
"Pete?" I asked.
Pete didn't answer me. Instead he pressed his lips to mine.
My eyes widened.
The only thing I could think was, 'Oh, my god!' and try not to faint right then and there.
Pete brushed his tongue on my bottom lip to gain access, which I granted.
'So much better then my dream' I thought.
I was starting to get in to it. By which I mean I trust my hand through Pete's hair while Pete memorized my mouth with his tongue….hehe…
Suddenly, I heard a knock on my window.
"Patrick, what do you think your doing?"
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"I hoped you choked
And crashed your car"
Hey "tear catcher", that's all that you are
And ever were
From the start
I swear, I say
I swear, I say
To hands between legs, to "whatever it takes"
To drinks at the club to the bar
To the keys to your car
To hotel stairs to the emergency exit door
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
My world was crashing.
We broke apart and looked at each other in silent shock. I then decided that I should just get this over with and try not to die.
I turned around to face the person who decided to ruin the best thing that's happened to me since sliced bread, when I saw him.
Frank.
I gulped and rolled down the window. "H-hi Frank. Welcome to McDonalds, How may I help you?" I said trying to make Frank crack a smile. But, that wasn't happening.
"Patrick, I need you inside. Now." His tone sending shivers down my spine.
I nodded and turned to Pete. "I gotta go. Sorry."
Pete smiled sadly and nodded. "I'll see ya 'round Mm'kay?"
I smiled back. "Okay," and got out of the truck.
Frank walked behind me as I made my way to the house while Pete drove away.
'Pete why did you have to leave me to face Satan's wrath!'
"Patrick, tell me. What was that all about?" Frank's voice still threatening to katana my Brain. Brain Ninja me will you? Well, not if I win this by pivoting my leg and making weird hand gestures around my face!
Ah, Dane Cook, I love you.
"What was what?" I asked.
"Don't play dumb!" Frank pounded his hands agents the wall around me. I was trapped.
"Frank, why are you acting like this?" I asked in a whisper. I was so scared that I didn't even trust my voice.
Frank smiled. "Why am I acting like this, you ask? Well, BECAUSE YOU KISSED A GUY! A male! A not-so-woman! Patrick, what is wrong with you?" He didn't end there. Oh no. Frank started throwing things and fucking up the living room.
"Frank, please! Its not that bad! It was just one kiss!" I cried. 'God this is really like im the girl in this non-extant relationship!' I thought.
"Not that bad? NOT THAT BAD? Patrick, that one kiss could lead to one thing and another and then Boom! You fucked him! I will not have a queer living in my house!"
I stood there in disbelief. "Your house? What the fuck are you talking about? Your just some guy my mom is dating! I don't know who you think you are but you don't own this house and you most certainly are not my father. You can't tell me who and who not to date!"
Frank stopped his rampage and smirked. "Oh, really Patrick? Well, as of yesterday I am your mother's fiancee." He held up his left hand and oh, lookie! An engagement ring. " So, as you put it, I AM your father." He walked up to me and patted my shoulder. "And there is not one thing you can do about it Patty."
That was all I could take before I bolted. I ran up the stairs to my room with tears running down my cheeks.
"Nothing you can do Patrick! Remember that!" Frank yelled to me.
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To the love, I left my conscience pressed
Between the pages of the Bible in the drawer
"What did it ever do for me" I say
It never calls me when I'm down
Love never wanted me
But I took it anyway
Put your ear to the speaker
And choose love or sympathy
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I could do it you know.
Tell my mom that is. To think she wants to marry that guy.
God, did this ever happen to Pete?
"Oh my god, Pete!" I cried. What will he think of me now?
I sigh and fell on my bed face first into my pillow. Life sucks. Frank sucks. Andy sucks. Everything fucking sucks!
Turning my head I stare at my alarm clock. 6:34. Mom would be home soon.
Fuck.
"I have to tell her….I cant let her marry him. He's my father, bleh! He's a bloody wanker, that's what he is." I glanced at the clock again.
Still 6:34
I sigh again. "I cant- Wait. 'bloody wanker' ? I thought I established that I wasn't British! What the fuck!" I flopped back on my bed. I glanced at the clock again.
Oh Its still 6:34
"This is bullshit. How could he be like that? I wont stand for this. I'm Patrick Stump Damn it! Not Patrick Halter! That's a shirt! Who wants to be named after a shirt?"
Apparently Frank dose.
Glancing at the clock…. OMIGAWD! 6:35!
Never saw that one coming did you?
Your probably wonder 'why dose Frank want to be a shirt?' well my good reader, his name is Frank A. Halter. Or as I now like to call him…. 'Frank, A Halter?' HAHA!
"Frank has a secret double-life as a shirt? OMG. That something you don't see every day…" A new voice interrupted my thoughts.
I turned to my window and I saw Jesus.
No I'm kidding, it was just Molly. But in my situation you should call her something better than Jesus. Like…..J.K. Rowling!
"Patrick, I know I'm awesome, but J.K. Rowling? She's so much better then me. She created the best book series that I have read so far, and the characters she made make awesome couples! Like Harry/Draco! OH, And Ron/Blaise! And…AH! Ginny/Luna! OMIGAWD!…no wonder she's better than Jesus…." Molly said to me as she pulled out my desk chair and sat down.
If you were wondering…I'm pretty sure Molly can read minds….or its just magical mirrors…
"Mirrors? Patrick, I told you to stay off the weed. Please," she added fake sniffles for effect, " Your hurting us more then you! Stop the drug abuse!"
"Molly!" I said. "Don't be a retard. Im not on drugs."
"Sure…..what ever you say Patrick."
If your still thinking, 'Don't you care about her climbing threw your WINDOW?' No. I'm actually surprised it wasn't my heater vent this time.
"Pff….Like I would get my favorite shirt dirty with….venty-droppings….Ew." Molly said.
"Would you stop doing that?" I asked.
"What? Its not my fault you think really loud." Molly said while digging in her 'Jimmy Eat World' man bag for a Mountain Dew. She threw me one after she chugged half of hers.
"Sooo….what brings you to my crap shack?" I asked, breaking the silence.
"Oh, I was just sitting in my living room watching Elfen Lied when I felt that you were in danger or something…. Anyhoo, I just knew something was wrong so I tugged on my converse, which I didn't tie," She held up her feet to show her Red Untied Converse, " And ran out the door to see you. Now that I think about it…I could have used my car….and I could have of closed the front door…and turned of the stove, and put the milk away, and showered, and mowed the lawn, and make the bed, and-"
"Okay, Okay! I get it!" I cried smiling. Molly could ramble on and on and on for EVER!
Molly smiled and took another sip of her Mountain Dew "Yeah…So are you ok? Was it a false alarm?"
My smile faded.
"Patrick?" Molly question. She slid from the chair to my bed and put her hand on my back, "Its okay, really. You can tell me what's wrong. I may be a crazy psychotic bitch but I am a great listener."
That made me giggle.
Molly looked at me funny. "Giggle? Call it what ever you want but I say it was a snort. But that's a start. Lets get some actual English words in there if possible."
I sighed. "Molly…Frank is an ass."
"I thought he was a shirt?"
A pause. "He is…"
"Then how is he an ass? Last time I checked a shirt can't be an ass."
"It can too. If you have a stuffed animal and its ass suddenly went missing, you can sew a shirt in its place."
"How can an ass suddenly go missing?"
"Molly…."
"What?"
"Shut Up."
"….Bitch."
"Molly!"
"What?"
"S.T.F.U."
"Oh we're on acronyms are we?"
"What?"
"Acronyms. Letters in a series to mean a line of words like a sentence or like an origination… don't you ever pay attention in French Class?"
I blinked. "…French Class? We have such a class?"
Molly sat there. "…Maybe…"
"…Molly, did you take your pills today?"
"…Maybe…."
"Molly…."
"What pills are you talking about? The red and blue ones or the small greenish yellow ones? Or the White and Purple ones or the huge tan ones? Or the-"
"Okay! Nevermind…" I said.
"…"
"…"
"I didn't take any of those."
"MOLLY!"
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To the love I left my conscience pressed
Through the keyhole I watched you dress
Kiss and tell
(Loose lips sink ships)
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That night Molly ended up staying for dinner. We were having Pork Chops!
Ugh.
Let me tell you something. Don't ever eat dinner at my house.
'Cause if you do…you get to sit next to Shirt Man!
…..Let me explain…..
I sit at the foot of the table, or the head, whichever…while my mom sits to my left and you sit to my right. Frank, A Halter sits across from me. At the…..opposite of my seat. The head or foot. HAHA. You get the torso!
Ahem…..Anyway…
I just hate eating dinner because Frank is EVERYWHERE! I cant sit where I am, or in your spot, or in my mom's spot, or in Franks spot!
I'm screwed.
"This dinner is delicious Franky Bear!" My mom said to Frank.
"Why Thank you Puffin." Frank said back.
Ew…Old people pet names are gross.
It looked like Molly felt the same because she was looking at her Pork chop like it had just sneezed on her.
"Patrick, if my pork chop had sneezed on me I wouldn't be eating it now would I? I would have a new pet." Molly said startling my mom and Frank.
"A new pet?" I asked, "What about the light bulb you wanted as a pet last week? Or the Fax machine you had as a pet since last Christmas? Or The-"
"Those pets DIED Patrick! Don't you remember their funerals? God I don't even know you any more!" Molly said slamming her fork down and starring at me.
Wait for it…..
Frank and my mom looked like we just joined the peace core. Shocked, I know.
"HAHAHAHA!" Molly and me were on the floor at that point.
"Patrick! You and your friend need to get off the floor. That was rude to have an inside joke." Frank yelled.
"Sorry…" I murmured and sat in my chair.
Molly apologized and climbed in her chair with her knees to her chest.
"Molly, you watch Death Note to much." I said to her.
"But, Patttttrrrrriiiiicccckkkkkk!"
"Molly."
"…"
"…?"
"ugh….Fine!"
I smiled. "I win."
"Yeah…what ever…" Molly grumbled.
After a few moments of clinking silverware and chewing, my mom broke the silence. "Can you believe I'm going to marry this wonderful man Patrick?"
I swallowed my half-chewed pork.
"Um, yeah… Im happy for you mom. I really am." I said.
"Oh thank you Patrick! I've never been so happy in my life!" My mom just really loves him.
Gayy…
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To the love I left my conscience pressed
Through the keyholes I watched you dress
Kiss and tell
(Loose lips sink ships)
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After dinner, Mom thought it would be spiffy if we watched a movie. Guess what movie we watched?
Brokeback Mountain.
'some one kill me now!' I thought.
"Im sorry Patrick, I don't have a lamp shade with me." Molly said from my side.
My mom looked at me.
I just shrugged.
Once the movie got to the part were the two cowboys decided to have sex, my mom spoke.
"Can you believe that? Two males together. What's next? A toaster with TV capabilities?"
That made my heart drop to my stomach. I thought she wouldn't be all stereotypical. I thought she would be supportive. I thought she wouldn't be homophobic!
"Molly, will you come with me? I want to talk to you." I asked getting up.
Molly Beamed. "Sure Patrick!"
I walked to the hallway with her and I sighed.
"Patrick," Molly said to me, "do you think there will be pudding at school tomorrow?"
I laughed, "I don't know Molly…"
Suddenly, a voice entered my brain.
"Patrick, I think its time for your friend to go home. It is a school night you know."
Frank, do me a favor and jump off a cliff. Seriously.
"Alright Frank." I called to him so my mom would hear to make her happy.
'Remember its for mom. Its for mom. Its for mom….' I thought.
Molly and me walked out the door and down the side walk.
"So Patrick…who was that hott guy you were kissing in that truck earlier? Come on spill! Details!"
I gasped. "What? What hott guy? I don't know what you are talking about."
"Patrick! Don't lie! I know you know what I'm talking about!" Molly said stamping hear foot.
I sighed. 'same ol' Molly….' "Look, I'll tell you at work tomorrow…Oh wait! You got fired, right?"
"Haha…..yeah….but not for long. I'll be at work. Don't worry. -Pikachu-chop-stick will be BEGGING me to come back! Muhahahaa….." Molly said rubbing her hands together like Mr. Burns from the Simpsons.
"Umm….you do that." I said nervously.
"Okay then. Bye Tooth Paste!" Molly then hugged me and scampered off in the night.
'Well,' I thought, 'at least this nickname wasn't in the least bit sexual or disturbing.'
Or was it?
I sighed, "I don't even want to know…"
"You don't even want to know what?"
I Gasped. "Holy Crap!"
I looked up and saw Pete. " Pete! What- How- Why- Seven-"
"Whoa, slow down. Try speaking in complete sentences." Pete said to me smiling.
I just took a couple breaths. "Pete, what are you doing here in the middle of the night?"
He grinned ear to ear. "Well, Patrick. The truth is I live here to. Right across the street from you!"
'Oh yeah,' I thought, 'The old Robsin's house.'
"Yeah, the old lady that used to live there just wouldn't die…she was like what….120?" I said smiling.
Pete laughed, "Yeah, I met her when we were looking at the house. She looked so old that it looked like if she even thought about blinking she would break."
That made me laugh even harder. Not the crack about old ladies, That would be mean! I mean I don't want an old lady at my door tomorrow saying she wants me to keep her company while she drives 5 miles per hour on the free way while listening to old blues on the radio because I was mean to hear kind…No! It was just that….that the cloud I just happened to see looked like a bunny…yeah.
Really. I swear.
Soon our laughter died out and we started to walk back to our houses.
Not much to say…
Suddenly I felt some one grab my right hand. I looked at my hand and followed its arm to the owner, who happened to be Pete who was smiling at me with a small blush. I turned back to the sidewalk with a blush of my own.
'I could die a happy man….' I thought as we walked hand-in-hand to my pathway.
When we reached it, I just stood there looking at the ground. I would have still been there if Pete didn't lift my head up and kissed me.
My eyes widened and I blushed more than just maroon. Crimson all the way!
Pete pulled away and smiled, "Night Patty Cake." And he started to walk away.
"Night Peter Panda," I whispered, but I'm pretty sure Pete heard it.
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To the love I left my conscience pressed
Between the pages of the Bible in the drawer
"What did it ever do for me" I say
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End of chapter 2.
XO
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I comb the crowd and pick you out
My mouth moves too fast for you to figure it out
It starts eyes closed to fingers crossed
"To I swear, I say"
"To I swear, I say"
To hands between legs, to "whatever it takes"
To drinks at the club to the bar
To the keys to your car
To hotel stairs to the emergency exit door
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"What the fuck are you doing Andy?" He cried while pushing him backwards.
"Pete, he's a fucking Faggot! A queer! Can you believe that?" Andy said laughing.
'Pete?' I thought, 'that's so….perfect.'
"Andy, you fucker! Have you not be paying any attention to me at ALL? IM GAY! How can you be so mean to some one who's exactly like your best friend?" Pete said super pissed off now.
"W-what?" Andy said, shocked.
"Andy! Just Leave. NOW!" Pete yelled and pointed in some direction.
Andy just nodded and left in that direction, not caring where he was going as his friends followed.
As I watched Andy and his minions leave, Pete got down on one knee and looked at me with concern in his eyes.
"Are you alright?" He asked me, his hand extended to help me up.
I grabbed his hand and stood up. I sighed, " I'm fine…what about you?"
Pete smiled at me, "Oh, I'm fine, but I'm more concerned about you. Are you sure your alright?"
I nodded, "Yeah. It's just hard…ya know?"
Pete smiled again, "Yeah….By the way, I'm Pete."
"I'm Patrick."
"Patrick? Oh yeah, Joe said he asked you to come try out for our band." Said Pete.
"You're in the band? Whoa that's awesome!" I smiled at him.
Pete smiled back, "Yep, I play the bass guitar. You're trying out for the drums right?"
"Yeah, but the truth is I'm not really good at it. I can't keep a beat to save my life."
Pete put his arm around me, "I'm sure you'll make the band. If not the drums….well…"
I laughed and looked at my watch and saw that it was 5:13.
"Oh shit! I'm late! My mom's gunna kill me!" I said freaking out.
Pete looked at me, "Your late? What did you miss the bus?"
"Yeah, I did so I decided to watch the game…" I said to him.
"Hmm…well…..do you want a lift home? I could drive you…if you want." Pete said.
"Oh I don't know.."
"Are you sure? Because I don't want to wake up tomorrow and on the news there you are, dead on the ground because some random psycho decided to chop your face off." Pete said to me.
I laughed. "You really want to give me a ride?"
Pete smiled, "I just down want to see you hurt more then you already are."
" then its settled! I would love a ride." I said and I picked my back pack up.
"Alright then! My car is over there….some where…." Pete said looking for his car.
"What kind of car do you have?" I asked.
Pete ran a hand threw his hair. "Its a truck….and its kinda rusty…and its OVER THERE!" Pete said as he ran to it.
I stood there and blinked. "Pete! WAIT FOR ME! My chub can't handle the endurance!"
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To the love, I left my conscience pressed
Between the pages of the Bible in the drawer
"What did it ever do for me" I say (I say, I say, I say)
It never calls me when I'm down
Love never wanted me
But I took it anyway
Put your ear to the speaker
And choose love or sympathy
But never both
Love never wanted me
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Soon we were driving along Perry Avenue while listening to Panic at the disco.
"I love PATD!" I cried when Pete put their first CD in. This is a fever you'll never sweat out.
"Their one of the best!" said Pete as he turned the CD to track 10.
Oh, well imagine, as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor,
and I can't help but to hear, no I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words:
"What a beautiful wedding! What a beautiful wedding!" says a bridesmaid to a waiter.
"And yes, but what a shame, what a shame, the poor groom's bride is a whore." I sang along quietly, I didn't want Pete to hear me sing because that would be embarrassing!
Pete side glanced at me once he stopped at a light.
"I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality." I sang still quiet. I didn't think Pete could hear me with how loud the song was being played.
I'd chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of...
"Well in fact, well I'll look at it this way, I mean technically our marriage is saved. Well this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne" I whispered when I turned and locked eyes with Pete. 'oh shit. Busted.'
Oh! Well in fact, well I'll look at it this way, I mean technically our marriage is saved
Well this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne, pour the champagne
" You have a great voice, you should sing more often and," He cracked a smile, "a lot louder."
I blushed. Maroon 5's got nothing on me!
"U-umm, Thanks?" I said and I turned to face the road.
Pete just kept on smiling. He started to hum the rest of the song and nodded his head to the beat.
I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
"So where do you live anyway?" He asked after what felt like hours. But really it was only 7 seconds.
"Oh, I live on Hawthorne Heights…." I mumbled my street name out. Nobody ever believes I life on Hawthorne Heights because it's a famous band name! Well, tough shit man. I like my street name….
"Re-really?" Pete choked out. I nodded and started to sing to the song again, only louder then my quiet murmur.
"But you really need to listen to me, Because I'm telling you the truth, I mean this, I'm okay! Trust me."
We turned on to my street and I told Pete my address. We were almost to my house when I started to sing again. "I'd chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?" No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality."
Pete stopped at my house and turned to me to watch me sing. I blushed and stopped, turning away to face my window, but a hand on my shoulder made me turn back.
"Pete?" I asked.
Pete didn't answer me. Instead he pressed his lips to mine.
My eyes widened.
The only thing I could think was, 'Oh, my god!' and try not to faint right then and there.
Pete brushed his tongue on my bottom lip to gain access, which I granted.
'So much better then my dream' I thought.
I was starting to get in to it. By which I mean I trust my hand through Pete's hair while Pete memorized my mouth with his tongue….hehe…
Suddenly, I heard a knock on my window.
"Patrick, what do you think your doing?"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"I hoped you choked
And crashed your car"
Hey "tear catcher", that's all that you are
And ever were
From the start
I swear, I say
I swear, I say
To hands between legs, to "whatever it takes"
To drinks at the club to the bar
To the keys to your car
To hotel stairs to the emergency exit door
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
My world was crashing.
We broke apart and looked at each other in silent shock. I then decided that I should just get this over with and try not to die.
I turned around to face the person who decided to ruin the best thing that's happened to me since sliced bread, when I saw him.
Frank.
I gulped and rolled down the window. "H-hi Frank. Welcome to McDonalds, How may I help you?" I said trying to make Frank crack a smile. But, that wasn't happening.
"Patrick, I need you inside. Now." His tone sending shivers down my spine.
I nodded and turned to Pete. "I gotta go. Sorry."
Pete smiled sadly and nodded. "I'll see ya 'round Mm'kay?"
I smiled back. "Okay," and got out of the truck.
Frank walked behind me as I made my way to the house while Pete drove away.
'Pete why did you have to leave me to face Satan's wrath!'
"Patrick, tell me. What was that all about?" Frank's voice still threatening to katana my Brain. Brain Ninja me will you? Well, not if I win this by pivoting my leg and making weird hand gestures around my face!
Ah, Dane Cook, I love you.
"What was what?" I asked.
"Don't play dumb!" Frank pounded his hands agents the wall around me. I was trapped.
"Frank, why are you acting like this?" I asked in a whisper. I was so scared that I didn't even trust my voice.
Frank smiled. "Why am I acting like this, you ask? Well, BECAUSE YOU KISSED A GUY! A male! A not-so-woman! Patrick, what is wrong with you?" He didn't end there. Oh no. Frank started throwing things and fucking up the living room.
"Frank, please! Its not that bad! It was just one kiss!" I cried. 'God this is really like im the girl in this non-extant relationship!' I thought.
"Not that bad? NOT THAT BAD? Patrick, that one kiss could lead to one thing and another and then Boom! You fucked him! I will not have a queer living in my house!"
I stood there in disbelief. "Your house? What the fuck are you talking about? Your just some guy my mom is dating! I don't know who you think you are but you don't own this house and you most certainly are not my father. You can't tell me who and who not to date!"
Frank stopped his rampage and smirked. "Oh, really Patrick? Well, as of yesterday I am your mother's fiancee." He held up his left hand and oh, lookie! An engagement ring. " So, as you put it, I AM your father." He walked up to me and patted my shoulder. "And there is not one thing you can do about it Patty."
That was all I could take before I bolted. I ran up the stairs to my room with tears running down my cheeks.
"Nothing you can do Patrick! Remember that!" Frank yelled to me.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
To the love, I left my conscience pressed
Between the pages of the Bible in the drawer
"What did it ever do for me" I say
It never calls me when I'm down
Love never wanted me
But I took it anyway
Put your ear to the speaker
And choose love or sympathy
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I could do it you know.
Tell my mom that is. To think she wants to marry that guy.
God, did this ever happen to Pete?
"Oh my god, Pete!" I cried. What will he think of me now?
I sigh and fell on my bed face first into my pillow. Life sucks. Frank sucks. Andy sucks. Everything fucking sucks!
Turning my head I stare at my alarm clock. 6:34. Mom would be home soon.
Fuck.
"I have to tell her….I cant let her marry him. He's my father, bleh! He's a bloody wanker, that's what he is." I glanced at the clock again.
Still 6:34
I sigh again. "I cant- Wait. 'bloody wanker' ? I thought I established that I wasn't British! What the fuck!" I flopped back on my bed. I glanced at the clock again.
Oh Its still 6:34
"This is bullshit. How could he be like that? I wont stand for this. I'm Patrick Stump Damn it! Not Patrick Halter! That's a shirt! Who wants to be named after a shirt?"
Apparently Frank dose.
Glancing at the clock…. OMIGAWD! 6:35!
Never saw that one coming did you?
Your probably wonder 'why dose Frank want to be a shirt?' well my good reader, his name is Frank A. Halter. Or as I now like to call him…. 'Frank, A Halter?' HAHA!
"Frank has a secret double-life as a shirt? OMG. That something you don't see every day…" A new voice interrupted my thoughts.
I turned to my window and I saw Jesus.
No I'm kidding, it was just Molly. But in my situation you should call her something better than Jesus. Like…..J.K. Rowling!
"Patrick, I know I'm awesome, but J.K. Rowling? She's so much better then me. She created the best book series that I have read so far, and the characters she made make awesome couples! Like Harry/Draco! OH, And Ron/Blaise! And…AH! Ginny/Luna! OMIGAWD!…no wonder she's better than Jesus…." Molly said to me as she pulled out my desk chair and sat down.
If you were wondering…I'm pretty sure Molly can read minds….or its just magical mirrors…
"Mirrors? Patrick, I told you to stay off the weed. Please," she added fake sniffles for effect, " Your hurting us more then you! Stop the drug abuse!"
"Molly!" I said. "Don't be a retard. Im not on drugs."
"Sure…..what ever you say Patrick."
If your still thinking, 'Don't you care about her climbing threw your WINDOW?' No. I'm actually surprised it wasn't my heater vent this time.
"Pff….Like I would get my favorite shirt dirty with….venty-droppings….Ew." Molly said.
"Would you stop doing that?" I asked.
"What? Its not my fault you think really loud." Molly said while digging in her 'Jimmy Eat World' man bag for a Mountain Dew. She threw me one after she chugged half of hers.
"Sooo….what brings you to my crap shack?" I asked, breaking the silence.
"Oh, I was just sitting in my living room watching Elfen Lied when I felt that you were in danger or something…. Anyhoo, I just knew something was wrong so I tugged on my converse, which I didn't tie," She held up her feet to show her Red Untied Converse, " And ran out the door to see you. Now that I think about it…I could have used my car….and I could have of closed the front door…and turned of the stove, and put the milk away, and showered, and mowed the lawn, and make the bed, and-"
"Okay, Okay! I get it!" I cried smiling. Molly could ramble on and on and on for EVER!
Molly smiled and took another sip of her Mountain Dew "Yeah…So are you ok? Was it a false alarm?"
My smile faded.
"Patrick?" Molly question. She slid from the chair to my bed and put her hand on my back, "Its okay, really. You can tell me what's wrong. I may be a crazy psychotic bitch but I am a great listener."
That made me giggle.
Molly looked at me funny. "Giggle? Call it what ever you want but I say it was a snort. But that's a start. Lets get some actual English words in there if possible."
I sighed. "Molly…Frank is an ass."
"I thought he was a shirt?"
A pause. "He is…"
"Then how is he an ass? Last time I checked a shirt can't be an ass."
"It can too. If you have a stuffed animal and its ass suddenly went missing, you can sew a shirt in its place."
"How can an ass suddenly go missing?"
"Molly…."
"What?"
"Shut Up."
"….Bitch."
"Molly!"
"What?"
"S.T.F.U."
"Oh we're on acronyms are we?"
"What?"
"Acronyms. Letters in a series to mean a line of words like a sentence or like an origination… don't you ever pay attention in French Class?"
I blinked. "…French Class? We have such a class?"
Molly sat there. "…Maybe…"
"…Molly, did you take your pills today?"
"…Maybe…."
"Molly…."
"What pills are you talking about? The red and blue ones or the small greenish yellow ones? Or the White and Purple ones or the huge tan ones? Or the-"
"Okay! Nevermind…" I said.
"…"
"…"
"I didn't take any of those."
"MOLLY!"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
To the love I left my conscience pressed
Through the keyhole I watched you dress
Kiss and tell
(Loose lips sink ships)
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
That night Molly ended up staying for dinner. We were having Pork Chops!
Ugh.
Let me tell you something. Don't ever eat dinner at my house.
'Cause if you do…you get to sit next to Shirt Man!
…..Let me explain…..
I sit at the foot of the table, or the head, whichever…while my mom sits to my left and you sit to my right. Frank, A Halter sits across from me. At the…..opposite of my seat. The head or foot. HAHA. You get the torso!
Ahem…..Anyway…
I just hate eating dinner because Frank is EVERYWHERE! I cant sit where I am, or in your spot, or in my mom's spot, or in Franks spot!
I'm screwed.
"This dinner is delicious Franky Bear!" My mom said to Frank.
"Why Thank you Puffin." Frank said back.
Ew…Old people pet names are gross.
It looked like Molly felt the same because she was looking at her Pork chop like it had just sneezed on her.
"Patrick, if my pork chop had sneezed on me I wouldn't be eating it now would I? I would have a new pet." Molly said startling my mom and Frank.
"A new pet?" I asked, "What about the light bulb you wanted as a pet last week? Or the Fax machine you had as a pet since last Christmas? Or The-"
"Those pets DIED Patrick! Don't you remember their funerals? God I don't even know you any more!" Molly said slamming her fork down and starring at me.
Wait for it…..
Frank and my mom looked like we just joined the peace core. Shocked, I know.
"HAHAHAHA!" Molly and me were on the floor at that point.
"Patrick! You and your friend need to get off the floor. That was rude to have an inside joke." Frank yelled.
"Sorry…" I murmured and sat in my chair.
Molly apologized and climbed in her chair with her knees to her chest.
"Molly, you watch Death Note to much." I said to her.
"But, Patttttrrrrriiiiicccckkkkkk!"
"Molly."
"…"
"…?"
"ugh….Fine!"
I smiled. "I win."
"Yeah…what ever…" Molly grumbled.
After a few moments of clinking silverware and chewing, my mom broke the silence. "Can you believe I'm going to marry this wonderful man Patrick?"
I swallowed my half-chewed pork.
"Um, yeah… Im happy for you mom. I really am." I said.
"Oh thank you Patrick! I've never been so happy in my life!" My mom just really loves him.
Gayy…
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
To the love I left my conscience pressed
Through the keyholes I watched you dress
Kiss and tell
(Loose lips sink ships)
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
After dinner, Mom thought it would be spiffy if we watched a movie. Guess what movie we watched?
Brokeback Mountain.
'some one kill me now!' I thought.
"Im sorry Patrick, I don't have a lamp shade with me." Molly said from my side.
My mom looked at me.
I just shrugged.
Once the movie got to the part were the two cowboys decided to have sex, my mom spoke.
"Can you believe that? Two males together. What's next? A toaster with TV capabilities?"
That made my heart drop to my stomach. I thought she wouldn't be all stereotypical. I thought she would be supportive. I thought she wouldn't be homophobic!
"Molly, will you come with me? I want to talk to you." I asked getting up.
Molly Beamed. "Sure Patrick!"
I walked to the hallway with her and I sighed.
"Patrick," Molly said to me, "do you think there will be pudding at school tomorrow?"
I laughed, "I don't know Molly…"
Suddenly, a voice entered my brain.
"Patrick, I think its time for your friend to go home. It is a school night you know."
Frank, do me a favor and jump off a cliff. Seriously.
"Alright Frank." I called to him so my mom would hear to make her happy.
'Remember its for mom. Its for mom. Its for mom….' I thought.
Molly and me walked out the door and down the side walk.
"So Patrick…who was that hott guy you were kissing in that truck earlier? Come on spill! Details!"
I gasped. "What? What hott guy? I don't know what you are talking about."
"Patrick! Don't lie! I know you know what I'm talking about!" Molly said stamping hear foot.
I sighed. 'same ol' Molly….' "Look, I'll tell you at work tomorrow…Oh wait! You got fired, right?"
"Haha…..yeah….but not for long. I'll be at work. Don't worry. -Pikachu-chop-stick will be BEGGING me to come back! Muhahahaa….." Molly said rubbing her hands together like Mr. Burns from the Simpsons.
"Umm….you do that." I said nervously.
"Okay then. Bye Tooth Paste!" Molly then hugged me and scampered off in the night.
'Well,' I thought, 'at least this nickname wasn't in the least bit sexual or disturbing.'
Or was it?
I sighed, "I don't even want to know…"
"You don't even want to know what?"
I Gasped. "Holy Crap!"
I looked up and saw Pete. " Pete! What- How- Why- Seven-"
"Whoa, slow down. Try speaking in complete sentences." Pete said to me smiling.
I just took a couple breaths. "Pete, what are you doing here in the middle of the night?"
He grinned ear to ear. "Well, Patrick. The truth is I live here to. Right across the street from you!"
'Oh yeah,' I thought, 'The old Robsin's house.'
"Yeah, the old lady that used to live there just wouldn't die…she was like what….120?" I said smiling.
Pete laughed, "Yeah, I met her when we were looking at the house. She looked so old that it looked like if she even thought about blinking she would break."
That made me laugh even harder. Not the crack about old ladies, That would be mean! I mean I don't want an old lady at my door tomorrow saying she wants me to keep her company while she drives 5 miles per hour on the free way while listening to old blues on the radio because I was mean to hear kind…No! It was just that….that the cloud I just happened to see looked like a bunny…yeah.
Really. I swear.
Soon our laughter died out and we started to walk back to our houses.
Not much to say…
Suddenly I felt some one grab my right hand. I looked at my hand and followed its arm to the owner, who happened to be Pete who was smiling at me with a small blush. I turned back to the sidewalk with a blush of my own.
'I could die a happy man….' I thought as we walked hand-in-hand to my pathway.
When we reached it, I just stood there looking at the ground. I would have still been there if Pete didn't lift my head up and kissed me.
My eyes widened and I blushed more than just maroon. Crimson all the way!
Pete pulled away and smiled, "Night Patty Cake." And he started to walk away.
"Night Peter Panda," I whispered, but I'm pretty sure Pete heard it.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
To the love I left my conscience pressed
Between the pages of the Bible in the drawer
"What did it ever do for me" I say
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
End of chapter 2.