My Hayley
Confusion.
Michelle looked gorgeous in lab, but she was acting weird. Maybe she had somehow read my thoughts? Not even my mind was a safe place to think about her. If anyone found out, I’d be known as the freakish new girl… again.
Plus, I had Zack. It was safer to think about him, his cute smile, and the way he tries to strike up conversation. He was a boy, and I was a girl. Simple and accepted. Why complicate everything?
If anyone knew I liked Michelle, I’m pretty sure the world would crumble under my high-tops.
I blink. Staring at her again, for the third time today. She had brown hair that curled freely, and she pulled on it idly while looking over her shoulder at the clock. I saw her glazed stare.
Shit.
I quickly shifted my eyes from her as tiny pricks of sweat sprouted from my skin. Goosebumps appeared on my arms and my spine shivered. I pictured her sitting there, glaring back at me with malice and accusation. The bell rang and I lingered there, as she lingered too. Finally she gave up and walked out. I sighed in a mixture of relief and disappointment.
When I smiled at her in the hallways, she stopped smiling back. Once in a while I saw her on the way to our last class. She was always the first one into the classroom, with her head down and her knuckles turning white from clenching her books so tightly. I looked at her but she never saw me. It felt as if she held a silent cloud of desperation over me.
No, I can’t think this. She’s a girl, and I’m a girl. Things like this just don’t work. She could never like me back, and even if she did, I couldn’t possibly be with a girl. I’m straight, I always have been, and I always will be. I’m not gay, I like boys!
So why did I dream about her? Why did I wake up in a cold sweat afterward with butterflies in my stomach and that strange feeling between my legs? Zack never made me feel that way, so why did she? Did it mean anything? God, I’m so confused.
This will all pass if I just leave it alone. She doesn’t want me anyway….
I walked into the classroom and sat next to Zack, letting him smile and look at me, and giggling even though nothing he said seemed to be funny anymore.
Plus, I had Zack. It was safer to think about him, his cute smile, and the way he tries to strike up conversation. He was a boy, and I was a girl. Simple and accepted. Why complicate everything?
If anyone knew I liked Michelle, I’m pretty sure the world would crumble under my high-tops.
I blink. Staring at her again, for the third time today. She had brown hair that curled freely, and she pulled on it idly while looking over her shoulder at the clock. I saw her glazed stare.
Shit.
I quickly shifted my eyes from her as tiny pricks of sweat sprouted from my skin. Goosebumps appeared on my arms and my spine shivered. I pictured her sitting there, glaring back at me with malice and accusation. The bell rang and I lingered there, as she lingered too. Finally she gave up and walked out. I sighed in a mixture of relief and disappointment.
When I smiled at her in the hallways, she stopped smiling back. Once in a while I saw her on the way to our last class. She was always the first one into the classroom, with her head down and her knuckles turning white from clenching her books so tightly. I looked at her but she never saw me. It felt as if she held a silent cloud of desperation over me.
No, I can’t think this. She’s a girl, and I’m a girl. Things like this just don’t work. She could never like me back, and even if she did, I couldn’t possibly be with a girl. I’m straight, I always have been, and I always will be. I’m not gay, I like boys!
So why did I dream about her? Why did I wake up in a cold sweat afterward with butterflies in my stomach and that strange feeling between my legs? Zack never made me feel that way, so why did she? Did it mean anything? God, I’m so confused.
This will all pass if I just leave it alone. She doesn’t want me anyway….
I walked into the classroom and sat next to Zack, letting him smile and look at me, and giggling even though nothing he said seemed to be funny anymore.
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