The Tangles of My Heart

I’m enjoying this way too much, I thought to myself as our bodies practically melted into one. “Stop,” I tried to mumble around Jack’s lips. We were in the back of his car and things were getting really hot and heavy really fast.

One of his hands, once tangled in my loosely curled hair, now reached down to pull up the hem of my dress. “Jack,” I managed to gasp his name when his lips left mine to attack my neck. He had my dress bunched up around my waist now, but the only thing he did to me was slowly, sensuously, torturously run his hand up to my knee cap and down the length of my thigh over and over again. He still knew exactly how to turn me on…

Sex was good. Sex with Jack was always good. But I loved to be touched and rubbed and pretty much massaged all over beforehand, which Jack was doing right now. His free hand was giving the left side of my ribcage the same treatment. Up and down, the heat of his hand through my dress. Ohhh god.

“Stop,” I choked out again, grabbing his wrists. That did no good. He just grabbed my hands and pinned them up on the window of the car door with one of his.

“That’s not what your body’s telling me,” Jack said with a husky laugh, playfully tugging on the waistband of my underwear.

I had one too many margaritas tonight or something to think properly, because I was seriously considering just giving up and letting Jack take me… but luckily a scrap of self respect remained. “Jack, I said stop.” Jack just laughed again and this time my underwear came all the way off.

“I thought you loved me,” I whispered in horror as he began to loosen up the belt on his pants. He stopped when he heard that.

“Of course I love you, Taylor,” Jack said fiercely, and I could see the anguish on his face in the moonlight when he realized he’d made me cry. Hell, I didn’t even know I was crying. He let go of my hands, reaching now to wipe away my tears. “Tay…”

“Then fucking listen to me!” I yelled, slapping his hands away before he could touch me. I sat up and yanked my dress back down, pushing Jack as far away from me as the car would allow.

“Ok, ok! Shit, Taylor, calm the fuck down!” Jack pleaded, his hands up in a sign of surrender.

“Calm the fuck down? Calm. The fuck. Down?” I was hysterical. Alcohol and Jack – not a good combination. “Y-You just tried to force yourself onto me after I told to stop how many times?” The guilt was accumulating on his face. I was determined not to let Jack get a word in. “You…You got me drunk on purpose, didn’t you? That’s why you stayed sober while I guzzled down those margaritas, huh?” I sobbed when I heard myself talking. Jack wouldn’t do that to me… Not my Jack…

“No! No, Taylor, of course not! I would never – “

I couldn’t find my underwear, but I just wanted to get the hell out of the car and as far away from Jack as soon as fucking possible. I fumbled with the lock of the door until I got it open and managed to stumble out.

“What the – Taylor!” Jack yelled after me, clambering out of the backseat. He got in the driver’s seat and started driving, pulling up to me. “Taylor, come on, get in the car. I’m sorry. I’ll take you home and leave you alone, alright?”

I laughed, drying my eyes. “Oh, please. You 'love' me. You could never leave me alone.”

Jack's jaw clenched, but he remained as civil as ever. “I’ll leave you alone, if that’s what you want. Just… Just let me take you home, Taylor. I won’t touch you again, I promise. Come on, you know and I both know there’s no way in hell you’re walking home in those heels.”

I sighed and came to a standstill, my feet already aching. Jack got out of the car and ran around to hug me, which made me flinch. “Taylor, I’m sorry,” he whispered, comfortingly rubbing my back.

“I thought you said you wouldn’t touch me again,” I sniffled, and Jack instantly dropped his arms to his sides.

“Sorry,” he hurriedly apologized as he opened my door, closing it after me. It was weird how he was doing most of the apologizing tonight, because it really should have been the other way around…

“Think about Holly, Jack,” I croaked out as I dried my eyes and he got back in the driver’s seat. “She’s still your girlfriend, and you know what you’re doing to her by getting involved with me again? You’re hurting her, a fucking lot!”

“Way to kill the mood…and my boner,” Jack laughed, trying to joke around and lighten up the situation like he always did, but it didn’t work this time. I shook my head indulgently and closed my eyes, resting my head on the window and refusing to talk to Jack anymore.

“I’m hurting Holly, huh?” Jack sneered after several seconds of silence. “Well, I learned from the best.”

I licked my lips and slumped down lower in my seat. Jack sure knew how to make me feel like shit, but I totally deserved it. I was surprised he actually didn’t chew me out for it at the restaurant. I was surprised he kept his anger in check this long. I was surprised…he still loved me...

The drive was silent again after that, but I didn’t mind. “Jack, I’m sorry,” I sighed, swallowing hard. “I’m sorry I hurt you. But that was last year. And we really shouldn’t have gone to dinner tonight,” I finished as he pulled into my driveway. I got out of the car as soon as he parked, not bothering to wait for him to open my door.

“Taylor!” Jack called my name as I fumbled for my house keys on my porch. Jack trotted towards me before taking my flash drive off from around his neck. “Here,” he muttered, holding it up to me.

God, he was so tall. He didn’t even get up on the steps, but I could still take the flash drive from him since his arms were so long. I was shocked that he gave my flash drive back without a fight, and even more shocked that I’d somewhat forgotten it. I reluctantly took it and stuffed it in my purse as I continued to search for my house keys.

“So….did you get any, uh…closure…?” I trailed off curiously, wondering why Jack was still just standing there and not leaving for his hotel already.

Jack threw back his head and laughed. “No, Taylor. None whatsoever. You know how I know that? If I had gotten closure, I wouldn’t feel anything for you right now,” he said rather bitterly. “But at the same time, I know I wouldn’t change that either… Not that I could, but, still... Taylor, you’ve always been the only one for me.”

I could feel my lips twitching, but I couldn’t decide if they were twitching into a smile or into a smirk because I couldn't decide if I was going to take Jack's words as painfully sweet or appallingly corny.

Jack had been staring at the ground the whole time he spoke, but he looked up at me now, as if he were expecting me to say something… But I never did. I didn't know what to say to him after he said that. I didn't want to say the wrong thing, either. And I certainly didn't want to say what he wanted to hear just because he wanted to hear it.

I wanted to say something, anything, and mean it, but...I couldn't.

So, his expression when I said nothing strongly resembled that of a kicked puppy.

“Goodbye, Taylor,” Jack said firmly, striding back to his car and speeding off.

…I had a feeling I’d never see him again.