I Guess I'll Go Home Now

Stacy’s point of view

The way back to my bus was fast and blurry. Everybody was hanging out in the ATL bus so nobody was in ours and that was nice for me now, I needed to be alone and think of everything.

I love Jack.

I love Jack.

I love Jack.

I gotta admit that. I had officially fallen for Mr. Barakat. Now it was all so useless. I felt so small and miserable; I doubt the words can ever describe that. Right when Helena told him, I realized how badly I’m in love. I needed to do something to calm myself down.

I went to the cupboards, opened one and pulled out the razor. I looked at it, thinking. I have never cut before. “No”, I thought to myself. I put it back, closing the cupboard. Then I went to the fridge and looked at the bottle of vodka inside it. “No” flashed in my mind again and I closed the fridge now standing in the middle of the front lounge.

I suddenly remembered the lyrics of ‘Sing’ by My Chemical Romance, “Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls, every time that you lose it sing it for the world, sing it from the heart, sing it till you’re nuts…” That was probably the best thing for me now – music and singing.

Jack’s point of view

I was confused. Was this true? It looked too good to be true, you know. Stacy is a cool person, like a female Alex. She’s a god awesome singer and guitarist! And yes she can be weird sometimes. But that even makes her cuter.

I don’t know if I love her but I obviously like her.

Helena looked sober but did I have to believe her? I remember that day when she told me about Alex and Stacy hooking up, which was not true. But this time is different, ‘cause both Stacy and Mandy act super weird and I can see Stacy is scared. So it might be the truth.

That hot chick from Just Kidding loves me.

I don’t know what to do, I can’t say I love her back, but I like her. Maybe if we hang out more I fall for her, it sounds easy enough. But the problem is, she wouldn’t want to hang with me now. She probably thinks I hate her now. Well, she’s got a point there.

Helena, looking pleased, walked towards the JK-crew bus.

Mandy looked at me apologetically and shook her head looking at Stacy who was far away from us, climbing in the JK purple bus.

“I better go join the party now” She said, “I know Stacy’s gonna tell me to fuck off now.” She sighed and walked to our bus.

I watched her, stood on that meadow for a while, sighed and went in the ATL bus direction too.

When I was about to climb in I heard a beautiful voice singing something melodic and sad. I looked around and saw three buses, the ATL-crew bus, JK-crew one and the bus where Stacy was. I followed the sound and was in front of Just Kidding tour bus. The window was open and I could hear Stacy singing and sobbing at the same time.

I feel like I’m drowning in ice water,
My lips had turned the shade of blue.
I’m frozen with this fear,
That you may disappear,
Before I’ve given you the truth.
I bleed my heart out on this paper for you,
So you can see what I can’t say.
I’m dying here; ‘cause I can’t say what I want to,
I bleed my heart out just for you."

I froze as I heard her singing. The lyrics… She had a real cool voice. Does she always sing when she’s down? She’s so into music, it’s like a place where she can run to when something is just not alright.

I wanted to get in her bus so bad but stopped myself ‘cause it can make everything worse…Wait, did I just started falling for her?..

I should meet her tomorrow… And I should ask Alex. Yeah, his knows this shit better than me, he has Lisa. Eh, no, I better ask Rian, who has Cassadee. Plus, he’s the most mature of us.

I made my way to our bus where the party was almost over. Jacob, David and Bill were already in the JK-crew bus, Zack, Flyzik and Colussy passed out, Brooke and Chelsea were half asleep on the couch, Alex and Rian were cleaning up and Mandy was telling Jess and Wendy about Helena’s…confession. When I appeared in the front lounge the girls looked at me with really worried face expressions. I shook my head and went to the bunk area. I climbed in my bunk and turned up my iPod, putting it on shuffle. And the song I heard was Bleed by Hot Chelle Rae. Yes, that one song Stacy had just sang. I remembered her again. She was actually really good-looking. What if I love her? I replayed that feeling of jealousy when I saw her and Alex kissing in Richmond. I think…I feel…nah, it’s complicated.