Pearl

From then on, Owen and I were inseparable. We’d sneak into the back room after training. I’d ignore his sweaty face and arms, and just kiss and kiss him. It was perfect. And in my life, there was little perfection.

Father became suspicious of our time together, but Owen had been right. He had no objections to our relationship because he adored Owen and he adored me. There’s something beautiful about being with someone. I ignore the tugging of my mind, saying, He’s a murderer. What are you doing?

I knew that would have to come out somehow, but I ignore it for the time being because I was too happy.

“Pearl, would you ever get married?” Owen asked me one night after his training. We were walking to my house, our held hands swinging between us.

“No. I don’t think so,” I said before I could help myself.

He stopped.

“So you wouldn’t marry me.”

I hesitated. “I don’t know if I could marry any man,” I replied.

His blue eyes darkened as they found mine. “So what are we doing?”

“What do you mean? We’re having fun,” I said.

“I mean, am I just gonna be some fling before you leave for Sarah Lawrence? Just some passerby?”

“Owen, come on! We’ve only been doing this for a few weeks. We aren’t getting married. We shouldn’t even be talking about this!”

“Pearly, I don’t think you understand. That’s what people in love do. They get married, have kids, live life together.”

I froze. “Owen, we’re not in love.”
Now he froze. “You don’t love me? I love you. I’ve loved you since the second I saw you, I thought I made that pretty clear.”

“You can’t love people at first sight, Owen. It’s not possible. You didn’t know me and I treated you terribly. I like you, I really, really do. But I don’t think a girl has to get married just because she likes someone. I’m not like Claire, you know.”

His eyes narrowed. “What’s wrong with Claire and Ernest? They got married six months after they’ve met. I’ve known you for just as long.”

“I don’t need a man to be happy,” I said resolutely, “I am not like Claire.”

He let go of my hand. “That’s a nasty thing to say. I’m not saying we have to be each other’s lives. I’m saying that married people live it together. And that’s what I want to do.”

“Please, let’s not spoil this. Let’s just see how things play out. Please.”

He looked at my suppliant face and finally said, “Fine. But if we’re gonna keep doing this, I want to know you will be open to one day marrying me. I’m not giving up on that idea.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “We’ll see then,” I drawled.

He laughed at my annoyed expression.

“Pearly Weaver. That’s a mighty fine name, if you ask me.”

“Oh now you’re just asking for a good slugging to the face, Owen,” I said.

“You can’t get me, Pearl. Slugging to the face is my career.”

We laughed and continued walking home.

_____

Jane sat on my bed as I packed for New York.

“Pearl, you promised you wouldn’t fall in love with Owen.”

I breathed in and out heavily and looked at my frail little sister.

“Janey. I don’t want to break your heart, that’s the last thing in the world that I wanted. But I like Owen and he likes me very much as well. He’s a man and you’re just a little girl. One day you will find the boy of your dreams, but Owen isn’t him. And I’m not even certain that he is mine. You’re gonna be a big girl and you can go to college and get a career and then start a family. There’s so much more in the world than getting married, Jane. Remember that.”

She had tears in her eyes and nodded slowly. “Okay. But can I be your maid of honor when you get married, Pearl?”

I rolled my eyes. She still didn’t quite understand. “Of course, Jane. If that day ever comes, you’ll be my number one girl.”

She gave me a tight hug and I felt like crying. I loved her so dearly and it hurt me that she would have to learn the injustice of the world. Back then, girls couldn’t do anything without being criticized for being what they were: girls.

She exited the room and I finished packing, hoping that one day I would find the courage to follow my own advice.