Pearl

I woke up in the early dawn. Jake was holding me, but my bare back faced the open window. The breeze and his warmth caused me to peek open my eyes. I watched Jake sleep. There was stubble growing on his chin, and his blonde hair was caved in at the side from the pillow. I believe he sensed my eyes on him because his eyes slowly opened as well.

“Hello,” he murmured and reached out for me. I embraced him. Never in my life had I been so close to someone. But tears pooled in my eyes because I wondered if I had made a huge mistake. It should have been Owen. Jake kissed my neck softly, and I fought tears. The problem was that I had enjoyed myself, really and truly. And Owen only came to my thoughts the morning after, as if he was a dream. Jake had been soft and had taken time to make me feel comfortable, even laughing with me when I asked him how the technicalities of sleeping together worked.

Trembling against the cold because he pushed my hair back, I said, “I have to get home before Momma wakes up.”

He sighed and nodded against my skin. “You are right,” he said, “But at least let me make you some coffee.”

“O.K. But quickly!” I said and sat up. I watched as he stood and pulled on his underwear. The he glanced at me and smiled because we both knew that I had left my clothes in the kitchen last night.

“I will be back.” He laughed because I sat in the middle of his bed with his sheets wrapped around me. Jake returned with my dress bundled in his hands and looked away as I stood up and got dressed.

“I hope… I hope that you don’t feel like I used you,” he suddenly said.

“Why would I feel like that?” I asked and turned around in front of him, signaling him to help me button my dress. He sighed and began closing the pearly buttons.

“You’re so young,” he finally said after a moment of hesitation.

It was true. Jake was a good eight years older than me. I had always admired him, but as a girl, and I don’t think he ever once looked at me until just this year. It was odd, but it was true. I was nineteen and he was twenty-seven. I felt his hands at the nape of my neck. “I am young, but I am not a little girl anymore. And… what happened happened.”

I turned around and Jake smiled at me. “You’re right,” he whispered and then took a moment before deadpanning, “Your Daddy is gonna kill me. Owen is really gonna kill me.”

I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck. “They won't find out. I really don’t know where I stand right now. I like you, Jake. And I love Owen. I don’t want to hurt anybody, but it’s too late for that. Can you give me a couple of days to, you know, figure this out?”

He didn’t smile, but he shook his head yes. “Of course,” he said, “I mean, it was spontaneous and I had fun. And I know you did too," he blinked at me," And we never have to talk about it again if you don’t want to. And,” he hesitated, “if you choose Owen, that is fine. As long as you’re happy.”

I knew the look in his eye. It was guilt. I wondered if it was because he had someone else on his mind too. Maybe I wasn’t the only girl. Either way, I was grateful. I hugged him tightly, and then walked out to the kitchen where we had coffee in silence.

_____

Jake dropped me off a block away from my house. We wanted to avoid anyone seeing us because living in a small town caused a lot of talk.

When I quietly opened the door of the house, I heard rustling in the kitchen. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath because I knew I was in for something. My clothes and hair were disheveled and I hadn’t had time to shower.

“Pearl!” Momma’s soft voice carried through the house.

“Yes, Momma?” I asked and frantically tried to comb my hair with my fingers as I made my way to the kitchen.

She was livid. I could tell by the expression on her face. “Where were you, Pearl?” she asked.

I didn’t respond. She was holding a wooden spoon in her hand to make eggs on the stove. She turned around and gave the pan a stir. “You have been gone all through the night. You had to have been somewhere,” she said.

I couldn’t bring myself to say anything, but the silence was deafening. I had to say something. “Olive. I was with Olive,” I said.

“Don’t lie. Do. Not. Lie.”

She turned around. I wondered if she had been awake all night, waiting for me. Looking for me.

“I also called Barbie, but she is out of town with her parents. They’re looking for a wedding dress,” she said this heavily, as if trying to pass on a deeper meaning.

“I’m sorry, Momma,” I whispered.

“Pearl, I’m sorry for you. You keep going the way you’re going and it’s over. Your life is over.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I replied.

“You will,” she said with her eyes in slits, “Now go and clean yourself up. I can’t even look at you.”

I turned around and heard her yell, “By the way, Olive stopped by this morning. She wanted to drop off a note. It’s on the dining table.”

Sighing, I turned and saw the small pink paper on the table. I wondered if I really wanted to know anything at all.

It read: Owen says he will call to explain. It was a big confusion. He loves you.