Philly Ink

(Lauren's POV)

“We are going to go visit mom.”

Bam smirked wickedly at me causing my eyes to roll to the back of my head. Didn't help the LA Ink film crew was around us, cameras rolling. “Since when do you call her mom?” I received a shrug before rubbing my temples.

“Come willingly or else!” part of me wanted to question him about the 'else' of his statement, but I wasn't feeding into his antics. “Now are you coming or am I releasing the demolition crew to rack up your bill?”

“I hate you!”

The car ride was dull even though Bam was driving like an ass- well the way he normally drove. “I think mom is going to cry.” rolling my eyes, I didn't think that was going to be her reaction. Was probably going to be more along the lines of a Mum-Mum style freak out. Which caused me to sink in my seat. Mum-Mum. Was going to have to visit her too! Crap! Knew I should have just stayed in LA!

We pulled into a gated community that I had visited once years ago when Bam tricked me into a promised Turbronego concert and turned out to be a Viva La Bam taping. Course the concert had been relocated to our parents house so he could force feed Phil fucked up food or something. Was too focused on hiding from the cameras to really figure out what the deal was. Did however force myself to puke in his Hummer as payback for false concert invitation. Even got a good ten willing helpers to add to the 'Lauren detailing special'. Didn't make the episode though. Go figure.

Two kids were playing in the front yard as Jess watched from the driveway. Had to hid a giggle or two when he rolled his eyes as Bam pulled the Audi into the driveway next to where our brother stood. “It's family reunion time!” hanging out the window, Bam blocked me from seeing Jess' reaction.

His statement was followed by a slap to the back of the head though. I knew Jess' reaction to that though, think everyone inside the house could hear the laughter coming from him. Actually I bet Dave Fairman could of heard him at the shop all the way in town! Then I heard something else. The two little girls were giggling. “Who the hell are they?”

“Your nieces!” Bam got out of the car as I mimicked him. Didn't make him any happier. If I was forced into coming here then I was going to make it hell for him.

The house smelt of cookies, so of course I ventured towards it. A huge plate of cookies sat on the island and Ape worked on cleaning something in the sink. “Ape, the children are all here!” Looking over my shoulder I saw my father wiping a tear from his face. He was coming closer for a hug and I couldn't help but want to cry myself.

“That would be the day, a day Lauren would actually come home and spend time with her family!” she huffed a little as my jaw dropped.

Phil had reached me and pulled me into a hug quickly “Missed you too daddy.”

A plate dropped in the sink and shattered “LAUREN MARIE MARGERA!” Facing me Ape raised a hand to her face and was on the verge of shaking as tears filled her eyes.

“You and Deron need to drop the whole name act!” Rounding the island, Ape hugged me from the other side.

Could hear more people walk into the room but couldn't tell who at first “Let's do this!” Jess chuckled before joining the hug and caused Bam to follow suit.

“GROUP HUG!” didn't recognize the voice, but did know the random tattoo's on the guys arm.

“UNCLE SHIT!” I screamed it causing the hug to finally break up “You having covered these shitty tattoos yet?” Looking at the artwork closer I smirked “Who did this fucked up shit? Uneven lines, bad shading!”

“My then 16 year old Shitniece!” Receiving an individual hug from my mother's brother I smiled.

Food covered the table. Just about any possible entree was on it's surface somewhere and if one had been mentioned, Ape probably would have made it on the spot. “How long are you staying Laur? A couple days or something?” Jess portioned his daughters plates as they stared at me all wide-eye like.

“TLC is paying me bank to film a tattoo show in Philly.” I avoided Bam's face at all cost. It was as if I could read his mind 'Little camera shy Laur has her first TV show' or something like-

“The littlest Margera is gonna have a TV show! Yet she avoided Jackass and Viva La Bam like it would be her death.” with a spoonful of mashed potatoes, I prepared to launch it, then remembered there were kids. So I did it anyways. “WHAT THE FU-”

“Watch your mouth!” Ape pointed at the girls. “Lauren apologize to your brother.”

“Why?”

Resting her head in her hands she rubbed her temples quickly. “Because you need to set a good example for the girls.”

“I already did. I taught them how to properly launch mashed potatoes. It's a practical skill that will come in handy once in elementary school!” Ape mouthed 'no' over and over, so I kept going. “Got the three of us through school perfectly- well got Jess through school.” Turning to Bam I noticed he still had food in his hair “How's Raabit doing these days?”

Seeing his mood somber a bit, I nodded my head. Guess there was a falling out. “So what are the blonde midgets names again?”

“LAUREN” Ape banged on the table causing all the food to jump up. Shitbirdz lost his meatloaf off his fork and stared it like he could will it back on his fork as Jess actually laughed so hard he cried. Phil was turning red and was trying to hide his laughter from his wife.

The only one able to answer pointed his knife at me after cutting up his piece of steak “The bigger midget is Ava, she's 4. Younger is 2 and named Scarlet.” Nodding we both got back to eating leaving everyone else to there previous actions.

“Daddy, what is a midget?” the older girl questioned slowly before looking at our side of the table. Guess our side was a great set of role models for two little girls, but least we were entertaining. Mean we did have Shitbirdz as an uncle and we turned out fine!

“We NEED a big Thanksgiving dinner!” Bam actually stood on his chair and held up his wine glass. Thinking it was actually a good idea I joined him. Even Shitbirdz tried to join in but fell getting on his chair and simply sat back down to drink his beer. “Big ass turkey, booze, tattoos and more booze!”

Clinging our glasses together Ape cringed. She didn't like it when Bam and I fought, but hated it when we got along like this. “I think that's a great idea! Have a midget table!” glass clung again as Ape shook her head more. It wouldn't help her though.