Listen to Your Heart. Please, for Me?

I woke up to the smell of breakfast filling my nostrils.
I kicked the bed sheets down and got up.
I made my way cautiously down stairs to the kitchen to find Taylor and my mom cooking a breakfast of eggs, toast and sausage.
“W-what’s going on down here?” I questioned.
Both Taylor and my mom jumped slightly and turned to face me.
“Well look who’s up!” Taylor chirped.
“Actually honey Taylor said you weren’t feeling your best so she decided to get me in on making breakfast for the three of us… maybe cheer you up a bit?” my mom said.
“Oh..” I mumbled, taking a seat at the table.

Five minutes later and they finished cooking and the three of us sat down to eat.
“So honey what’s got you not feeling yourself?” my mom asked me, looking up from her plate.
I looked towards Taylor who turned her attention to meet my gaze.
“Well..”I began, trying to come up with something.” I guess you could say boy trouble” I sort of lied.
It wasn’t exactly the truth, but it wasn’t actually a lie, I mean I was having boy trouble with John after getting raped, and he did hate me since he thought I was just hooking up with some random guy.
“Oh, well what happened between John and you honey?” my mom questioned and sipped her orange juice.
I choked on my mouth full of eggs.” What?! Mom, what makes you think I’m having boy troubles with John?” I hissed.
“Well-Why-I..Taylor just said things between you and John were a little tense and I just assumed she was meaning there was something going on between you” my mom blurted out.
I scoffed and glared at Taylor.
“You gossip with my mom now?” I hissed.
She giggled.
“Honey… you shouldn’t be so distant with your mother about your problems with boys” my mother said in a somewhat soothing voice.
I turned my attention back to my mother and slowly nodded in agreement.
She gave me a small smile and we went back to eating our breakfast in silence.

After we all finished our breakfast my mother shooed us away and offered to do the dishes herself.
Taylor thanked my mom and pulled me by the arm all the way upstairs to my room.
I took a seat on my bed and crossed my legs Indian style.
Taylor went to my closet and started rummaging through my clothing.
“What are you doing?” I asked her, raising an eyebrow.
She kept digging in my closet.”I’m deciding on your outfit.” She said.
“My outfit for what?” I asked.
“For when we meet up with the guys…” she trailed off.
“Taylor you know that’s not a good idea” I began sternly “and they probably hate me especially John. And I’m not telling them…I …I just can’t”
Taylor sighed and stopped looking through my closet.
She made her way over to my bed and sat on the edge of it, facing me.
“Macie, you’re obviously more to me than just some best friend to share secrets with. More than some best friend to share clothes with. More than some best friend to get into loads of trouble with. You’re obviously more than a best friend because even with a best friend there’s something’s you just can’t share. Macie you’re obviously not just my best friend…you’re that sister that I need, that is actually what a sister should be…” she said.
“What’s your point?” I asked,raising an eyebrow.
She rolled her eyes.
“… my point is… you’re my sister, I’m not going to insist you do something that’s going to hurt you in the end. Macie I know how your heels over head over john, I wouldn’t let you spill some secret like that to him just to get hurt. I won’t let that happen I promise.” She said sympathetically.
I smiled at her.
God she was the best friend a person could have in their life.
“So… with that said… wear this!” she said, handing me short jean shorts and a sequined purple tank top.
I groaned but took the clothing from her and walked into the bathroom.
I showered quickly, put a little lip gloss on, a little eyeliner and a little mascara.
I put some moose in my wet hair and tasseled and scrunched my hair a little bit.
Then I walked out of the bathroom.
“Why do I have to dress up again?” I questioned.
She smiled widely.
“So you get compliments” she squeaked.
I rolled my eyes. “Oh right so John can compliment me on my outfit and I can blurt out I was raped?” I said sarcastically and frowned .
She frowned too and shook her head.
“Ugh! Let’s just get going” she groaned.
I nodded and followed her down the steps.

We exited my house and I spotted Garrett’s car with a smiling Garrett in the drivers seat.
“I’m sorry again Macie..for going off last night” Garrett said softly.
I softly punched him in the shoulder “It’s ok Gare.” I said and gave him a smile.
“So where are we headed anyway?” I questioned.
Taylor and Garrett exchanged glances with each other from the front seats.
“Well... John ordered some movies and Tim is buying some pizzas so were all heading over to John’s for a movie night.” Garrett said quietly.
“Oh…well I don’t think John will want me at his house.” I mumbled.
“Nahh, it’s fine he said he didn’t care” Garrett tried reassuring me.
I nodded.

Ten minutes of a quiet drive and we were at Johns door.
Garrett knocked, and soon enough that tall, lanky, green eyed stroke starter pulled the door open.
“Hey guys...” John said trying to smile a little.
He moved to the side so the three of us could enter.
He turned his gaze somewhere else when I looked at him.
It made my heart sink.
We made our way into the living room where pillows were scattered on the floor and popcorn was already spilt.
I took a seat on the floor next to Justin and Nick and Taylor lied down in a spot next to Garrett.
The two had become really close.
I knew it wouldn’t be long before Garrett would claim her.
And I would be there to be all happy for her when I truthfully would be broken hearted and head over heels for her lovers best friend.

“So looks like were watching insidious first?” Tim questioned.
A few ‘boos’ and a bunch of ‘yays’ erupted and Tim put the movie in and turned the lights out.
Garrett and Taylor snuggled close and Nick scooted his way playfully close to me while Justin did the same on my opposite side.
They kept me giggling the entire movie by poking me in the sides and whispering random things in my ears.
Finally the movie ended and Tim took it out and put Zookeeper in and pressed play, again switching the light off.

By the time Zookeeper ended half the room was drizzled all over the floor,heavy asleep.
Halvo, Jared, Taylor, John and myself were the only ones still awake.
John got up to put a new movie in and I decided to make my way to the kitchen to get something to drink.
I pulled a glass from the cabinet and turned the faucet on letting it get cold.
I let my glass fill up.
I turned the faucet off once my glass was filled took a sip.
Someone came in and opened the fridge and groaned in pain from bumping their head on the top of it.
“John ,you okay man?” Jared questioned from the living room.
I turned around quickly to see John rubbing his head.
“A-are you okay?” I stuttered.
He eyed me. “I’m fine it’s just a bump” he groaned.
“John it looks like you scratched it” I said “There’s a little bit of blood, but just a little bit, nothing serious.”
I grabbed a paper towel and dampened it.
I hesitantly dabbed it on John’s head.
We didn’t speak.
Finally his head was cleaned up.
‘Thanks.” He mumbled.
I nodded with a small small smile.
He got what he was fishing for out of the fridge earlier and turned to head back into the living room.
“Uh John…” I blurted out.
He stopped in his tracks and turned slightly.
“Yeah?...”
I’m surprised he actually wanted to hear anything I had to say.
“I…uh…I’m sorry john” I said getting quiet.
He silently scoffed but I heard him anyway.
“Why should you be sorry? It’s your choice to do what you do Macie. We aren’t anything, so I shouldn’t be upset over this… honestly I don’t see why I’m upset by this” he said flatly.
I looked down at my feet.
He said we weren’t anything…like we’d never be anything.
God this hurt, but obviously it hurt him to because somehow he was still upset even though we weren’t anything.
And it hurt me to know I hurt him and was still hurting him by holding in this lie.
“I’m sorry cause I hurt you, and I could’ve avoided that…if I could’ve just been honest…if I could... if I could just spit it out!” I groaned.
He looked confused.
“Spit what out?!” he hissed.
“I can’t spit it out though John!” I yelled, tears welding up in my eyes.
“God dammit Macie, if you could deal with your feeling and do something about them you wouldn’t be in this position!” John spat.
“You know what John?! Truthfully I do like you! Okay?! I liked you since day fucking one and I still do…amazing I still like you even when you’re acting like an ass! But you confuse the hell out of me!” I began. “ You just confuse me so god damn much. One day you make me think I actually have a shot with you and your green eyes and the next day you make me feel like shit next to some slutty ass bimbo. You make me feel like shit for liking you and for being pissed that your with a bimbo instead of me. You make me feel… you make me feel a million bucks just getting to be friends with a guy like you, you make me feel not good enough for not getting to be with a guy like you… you get me feeling.” I sighed, and tried to even my breathing after that outburst.
John starred at me, in pure shock.
“Macie you obviously can’t mean a word you said” John said softly with a bit of sourness.
“And why the hell is that John?” I spat.
“….Because if you meant any of that you wouldn’t of hooked up with that guy at the club” he said calmly but it still hit me as hard as if he were to say it with ounces of venom in his voice.
“I-I..” I stuttered.
“Exactly.”John said flatly.
The tears stung my eyes as they took over, blurring my vision.
John rolled his eyes and turned walking away, away with any chance I had with John.
“God damn it John!.... I would never do that to you! I-I was raped!” I choked out.