Who Wouldn't Want To Be Me

“Hello?” I knocked on Jordan’s front door, having been standing outside for a couple minutes already, and from the temperature and the looks of the clouds it was going to rain soon.

“Who’s… what’re you doing here?” Jordan asked, looking haggard as he opened the door. I held up the two bags, and he nodded, stepping aside and letting me into his house.

“Thanks Jay, I was trying to figure out how we were gonna make things work without having to go back home,”

“I would have brought them yesterday but I figured you two needed some time,” I told him, and he sighed heavily, his eyes flicking to the hallway for a second before he walked to the kitchen.

“How is she?” I asked, my voice low. It wasn’t just because I thought she’d hear, but I was scared of the answer I might get.

“Not good. She’s tore up about it Jay, I don’t know what to do. She was sick all night and crying because she thinks she’s tearing all of us apart. Fuck she said…” he took a shaky breath, and I felt uneasy, having a bad feeling what he was going to say.

“She said we shouldn’t be together because my family means so much to me and she didn’t want to ruin that,” he whispered, and I wrapped my arms around him, seeing how pained he was to just relay that to me.

“It’s just because she loves you Jordy, everything will sort itself out, it’s okay,” I said, and heard him struggle to keep his composure.

“Jay I don’t know what I’d do if she left…” he admitted quietly, and I could feel him shaking.

“It’s okay Jordan, she won’t leave, it’ll be all right,” I soothed him, rubbing his back softly. It felt backwards to be comforting him – he’d always comforted me growing up because he was older.

“I hope you’re right Jay,” he sniffed, and when he pulled away I saw him swipe at the tears on his cheeks, not wanting me to see. I pretended to have missed it, knowing that as hurt as he was he didn’t want me to see him cry.

“I’m always right,” I retorted, and managed to get a smile out of him.

“Can I go talk to her?” I asked, and after a moment he nodded.

“Yeah, just please, don’t let her get anymore upset,” he begged, and I nodded, knowing it was his fear of her leaving him talking. I walked down the hallway, and gently knocked on his bedroom door before letting myself in. Cam was curled up on what I assumed was her side of the bed, one of Jordan’s Peterborough Pete’s shirts on and the covers pulled up around her. She hardly turned to look at me, and when I sat down beside her she was surprised to see me instead of Jordan.

“Jared? What’re you…?”

“I brought you guys some clothes,” I explained, and she slowly sat up. She looked drained, her eyes still slightly puffy from crying and she looked so pale. I pulled her into a hug, and she wrapped her arms around me, burying her face in my shoulder.

“I can’t do this Jared, I can’t keep hurting him like this,” she said, sounding on the verge of crying again, her voice already raspy from last night.

“Cam, listen to me; he loves you, the only way you’ll hurt him is by leaving him,” I insisted, rubbing her back as she began to cry.

“Jared, Eric’s his brother, I can’t ruin their relationship! I’m not worth him throwing away all of that,” she sobbed, and I pulled away just enough so that I could cup her cheek and look her in the eyes.

“Cam, he’s not throwing it all away. Marc, Lindsay, Tanya, the boys, mom and dad, me… we’re all going to be here for you guys no matter what – you’re just as much a part of the family as Lindsay and Tanya are. Eric will get his head out of his ass eventually – they’re brothers, they’ll figure it out. And don’t you dare say you’re not worth it, because you are. You’re his whole world Cam, it’d kill him for you to leave, especially knowing that you love him and you still left,” I told her, and her eyes filled with tears again and she buried her face against me and began to sob once more.

“Shh… it’ll be okay Cam. You two need to stick together, he needs you,” I murmured, and after five or so minutes she calmed down, and nodded.

“Thanks Jare,” she whispered, and I nodded, pressing a kiss to her temple.

“Anytime Cam. You know what? I don’t think Jordan’s ever bought a girl a ring before,” I told her, and she looked at me in disbelief.

“You’re full of it,”

“No, I’m actually serious. I really don’t think he’s ever done that before,” I insisted, and saw her cheeks turn a little pink.

“That’s crazy,”

“People do crazy things when they’re in love,” I told her, and she nodded, leaning into me before giggling.

“What?”

“That made me think of Hercules,” she explained, and I had to chuckle too.

“Goof,” I rolled my eyes, and she giggled again. I was happy that she was feeling okay enough to actually find something funny.

“Shut up,”

“We could watch it if you want,” I suggested, and after a few moments she nodded.

“That’d be nice,”

“Okay, come on,” I said, and picked her up bridal style. She curled into me, shivering slightly – all she was wearing was Jord’s T-shirt and a pair of his gym shorts, and today was cool.

“Where’s Jordan?” she asked.

“Probably in the living room,” I answered, and sure enough he was sitting on the couch, his head in his hands. He looked up when he heard me come into the room, and as his eyes settled on Cam and her small smile his face lit up a bit.

“Hey sweetheart, feeling better?” he asked, standing up and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Yeah,” she nodded, and I put her down, letting her lean into Jordan as he wrapped his arms around her. “Do you want to watch Hercules?” she asked, and he let out a ragged laugh.

“Hercules?”

“Jared made me think of it and now I want to watch it,” she explained, and he nodded, a smile on his face now too. If nothing else maybe I could keep the two of them from getting all depressed and doing something stupid.

“Sure, sounds good. Are you sticking around for a while Jay?” he asked, and I shrugged.

“If you guys want me to,”

“At least stay for the movie?” Cam asked, and I nodded. I’d jump over the moon and back for the girl – she was literally the sister I’d never had. Tanya and Lindsay were too in a way, but they’d always been my brother’s girlfriends, and now wives, first. Cam was my friend first, Jordan’s girlfriend second; she never checked the way she acted around me because of him, or looked at me as just her boyfriend’s little brother.

“Of course,” I replied, and sat down on the loveseat as Jordan set up his DVD player and put the movie in, before curling up on the couch with Cam. She was still shivering, so I flung the blanket from the back of the chair at them, and Jordan shot me a grateful look as he wrapped it around them. Cam seemed almost back to her normal self, laughing at her favorite parts and quietly singing along to the songs, Jordan just stared at the TV, not really paying attention to the movie as he held her close. I watched the movie, and laughed where I was supposed to but let my mind wander. I wanted something like what they had, but after the last few relationships I’d had, I was starting to think I never would. All of my brothers had found somebody fairly young, and I sure didn’t want to be old when I finally got married and started having kids.

I looked over as the credits started and saw both of them fast asleep on the couch. I had no doubt that they’d gotten shit-all for sleep last night, and I was glad that they were finally going to get some sleep. I went into their room, pulled a blanket off of the bed and covered them with it, making sure they were both well covered. It had started to rain outside, the huge drops hitting the windowpane with dull thuds. I went into the guest room, having pulled a quilt out of the closet and curled up on the spare bed, hoping to fall asleep just as my brother had.