Who Wouldn't Want To Be Me

“Cam… Cam?” Jordan sounded like he was about to apologize, but when he saw my likely puffy and red eyes stopped dead in his tracks.

“What did you do?” he snarled at his brother through gritted teeth, obviously suspecting the absolute worst.

“He didn’t do anything Jordan – this is completely unrelated to our conversation,” I told him, and he looked to his brother before looking back to me, obviously unsure as to whether or not I would want him to lean on.

“You two should talk,” Eric gave me a look, and as he walked past his younger brother patted his shoulder and whispered something to him. Jordan looked to me, looking slightly distressed, and a moment later I walked over and wrapped my arms around him, needing him, and needing to let myself need him.

“Cam, baby are you okay?” he asked again, and this time I let myself want to just let him take care of me, trying to over-ride the need to just do everything by myself.

“I just… I… I just need you right now,” I stumbled through my words, and then buried my face against his chest. He nodded, resting his chin on top of my head and softly rubbing my back.

“I’m always here for you babe – whenever you need me, no matter what,” he murmured, and that feeling took over me again, the one that scared me as much as I wanted it. I was so afraid of being left, and being powerless; after Dad had promised me he was going to make it and then didn't, I couldn't take the thought of making myself vulnerable again.

“Promise?” I whispered. He pulled away, cupping my cheeks with his hands, his gorgeous blue eyes searching mine.

“Always. No matter what,” he repeated, and pecked my lips before pulling me into a tight hug again. Hearing that sent relief coursing through my body, and I all but collapsed in his arms. Jordan picked me up and carried me inside and down to his old bedroom, laying me down on the bed. I thought he was going to leave for a moment, and panic started sinking in even though I didn’t know why. I wasn’t used to being vulnerable, and I really hated it now.

Instead he shut his bedroom door and then crawled in beside me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close so I could curl myself into his side and rest my head on his chest as he pulled the covers up around us.

“Thank you Jordy,” I whispered.

“Of course Cam, I love you,” he replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world and like he would never think anything different.

~*~

“Do you have to go?” Jordan asked for what had to be the hundredth time. We’d been at his parent’s house for another four days; my mom was getting lonely all by herself back at home, and Becka wanted me back in Pittsburgh… I didn’t know what I was going to do.

“Jordy I can’t just leave my mom all by herself, I mean, during the season is one thing, but when we both know I could be there…?” he nodded, wrapping his arms around me even tighter. I didn’t want to leave him either, but my mom had been texting me every day wondering when I was going to come home.

“NO! AUNTY CAM NO WEAVE!” Parker wailed, launching himself onto my lap and burying his face in my shoulder.

“I have to go see my mommy Park,” I explained, but he shook his head, tears still streaming down his face. It broke my heart to see him like this, but I didn’t know what to say.

“No! Mommy come hew?” he suggested, and I chuckled. Always a plan maker that one.

“I dunno bud; she has to work,”

“Please? Just stay a few more days?” Jared jumped in. I sighed, knowing leaving Thunder Bay would be hard, but I hadn’t anticipated it being borderline impossible.

“I can’t Jay – my flight leaves tomorrow, and mom took a holiday off of work so that she could pick me up from the airport,” I told him, and he let out a long breath.

“This just sucks,” Marc decided, making me chuckle.

“Yeah, you’re telling me,” I agreed, making the boys smile. Parker was starting to calm down a little bit, but he was still absolutely glued to my side.

“Cam? The phone’s for you,” Linda called from the kitchen, and we all looked to each other in surprise. Nobody had phoned the Staal’s home looking for me before.

“Hello?” I asked, pushing my voice a little lower in case it was somebody who didn’t know I was a girl.

“Cam, honey it’s your mom. Sorry to call the house but your cell was turned off,” she told me, and I relaxed, leaning against the counter in the kitchen.

“Sorry about that – I needed to charge it so it’s in Jordan’s room,” I explained.

“So, about you coming home tomorrow… is Jordan coming with you? I wasn’t sure whether to grab extra groceries or anything like that and I forgot to ask you yesterday,” she said, and I stopped fiddling with the cord.

“Um, well I don’t know… I didn’t know I could invite him,” I replied, making my mom laugh.

“Honey of course you can! He’s a wonderful young man, and I know you didn’t really want to leave Thunder Bay because of him,” she answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Well, um, I’ll ask him and see if he can get a flight then, and I’ll text you and let you know?” I suggested, and she agreed. We talked for a few more minutes before I hung up, feeling excited. As if he knew we’d been talking about him Jordan walked into the kitchen, wrapping his arms around me.

“So, who was it?”

“My mom, and I guess I, have a question for you,” I replied, and he gave me an interested look.

“Shoot,”

“How would you feel about coming to Manitoba with me?” I asked, and he let out a whoop, lifting me in the air and spinning me around before kissing me.

“Incredible! I’d love to!” he told me, laughing.

“Mom had kind of assumed you were coming and was calling to see if she was right or not,” I explained, and he couldn’t contain his excitement.

“What’s going on in here?” Linda asked as she walked into the kitchen, Eric, Jared and Marc hot on her heels. They all eyed the two of us, my feet still off of the ground as Jordan had me lifted up, and the obvious excitement in the room.

“Guess what mom!” Jordan said, sounding like a little kid.

“Did you propose?” Marc asked, and Jordan shook his head.

“I’m going to Manitoba!” he burst, pressing another kiss to my cheek as I chuckled at him.

“Mani… YOU’RE TAKING HIM WITH YOU?” Jared demanded, and I nodded.

“Mom thought he was coming anyway,” I told him.

“That’s not fair! Can I come too?” both he and Marc asked, making us laugh.

“Sorry guys – this is a boyfriend only trip,” Jordan informed him, sticking his tongue out at his little brother before slipping his hand under my knees so he could hold me bridal style, which was a lot more comfortable than the way he’d been carrying me up until this point.

“Jesus Jared we need to find you a girlfriend,” Eric rolled his eyes at the youngest brother, who crossed his arms and grumbled.

“That sounds awesome guys – you’ll have a lot of fun,” Eric told us, and I smiled.

“Thanks Eric – I’m hoping so,”

“It’ll be fantastic!” Jordan decided, making all of us laugh some more. Parker came into the room then, wondering what all of the commotion was about.

“What going on?”

“I’m going to Manitoba for a little while,” Jordan gently told him, and we could tell Parker didn’t know what it meant.

“Man-i-to-ba?” he asked, and they nodded. Eric lifted up his son and gave him a smile.

“He’s going to go see Aunty Cam’s mom for a couple of days with her,” he explained, and Parker looked about ready to cry again.

“Me too?” he asked, and Linda chuckled.

“At this rate you’ll be taking half the family with you Cam,” she told me, and I had to laugh.

“Sorry buddy, this is a trip for just Aunty Cam and Uncle Jordan,” Eric said, and Parker sniffled.

“Like a mommy daddy twip?” he asked, and Eric struggled to find something to say to explain it, and looked to us and his mom for help.

“Yeah, kind of like a mommy and daddy trip,” Jordan finally told him, and while I felt my face turn a little pink it was the best we could do to explain to the three year old.

“Okay. But come back soon?”

“I’ll be home pretty soon bud,” Jordan nodded, and Parker looked to me expectantly.

“I don’t know bud – I might stay with my mom for a while so she doesn’t get lonely all by herself,” I told him, and he sighed before nodding.

“That be no good,” he allowed, and Eric kissed the top of my head.

“There’s my boy,” Parker managed a smile.

“Say hi to you mommy fow me?” he asked, and I nodded, unable to keep from smiling.

“Of course Parker – she’ll be really happy you said hi,”