Who Wouldn't Want To Be Me

“O-oh, hi Jordan,” I stuttered, shocked by his appearance.

“Sorry, I know it’s supper and all and sorry to… interrupt,” he said, looking past at our ‘elaborate’ looking meal and bottle of wine on the table.

“No, you weren’t interrupting anything; did you want something to eat?” I asked, but he shook his head.

“No, that’s okay, I don’t want to be a pain. My frigging car decided to die on me and I forgot my phone at home,” he said, looking embarrassed. His car must’ve died really close to our place for him to come here.

“Well you may as well come and have dinner with us, because it’s after six o’clock and they’ll charge you a damn arm and a leg for them to send somebody out to tow it right now. If you wanna wait I might be able to help you get it started,” I offered, and after a moment he nodded. Becka quickly set another spot at the table while I got a glass out.

“Maybe we should leave the wine until after… I don’t want to get pulled over with any kind of alcohol on my breath,” I suggested, and Becka nodded, gathering our two wine glasses while I grabbed glasses for us.

Supper was pretty quiet, understandably so. Jordan and I still hadn’t cleared the water under the bridge and he obviously thought he was interrupting a ‘romantic’ dinner between Becka and I.

“Thanks again guys, I hate just barging in like this,” he said after we’d finished eating.

“It’s fine Jordan, honest. Here, we’ll take my car and see if we can get your car to work,” I said, and he nodded, thanking us again as we headed out to my car. When we got there it looked like the belt had gone, and he’d managed to park the Escalade in a spot after it had died; probably coasting into the spot.

“Well, I’ll just call and leave a message; then they can tow it first thing in the morning. Then I won’t get a ticket and pay to get it towed,” he sighed. I pulled out my cellphone and gave it to him so he could leave a message on their machine.

“Well, I’ll give you a ride back to your place then, uh, call me when they get your car to the shop or when it’s done or whatever and I’ll give you a ride there,”

“Thanks Cam,” he nodded as we got into my car again and headed for his place. We both stared out the windows, the radio the only thing breaking the silence in the car. It was killing me, because before any of this had happened I would’ve lived for spending time with my best friend like this; we could talk about whatever or whoever we wanted, say stupid jokes, anything. Now we couldn’t even look each other in the eye.

“D’you wanna come in?” he asked as I pulled up outside his building.

“Sure, yeah,” I nodded, knowing that it was meant as a slight truce, as well as a way for us to talk.

I followed him up to his apartment, realizing I’d only been here a few times before; he’d liked hanging out at our place more. Probably because there was still hints of Torrie here and there; like the way the cushions and furniture matched, or the kind of art on the walls, there were subtle signs of her everywhere you looked.

“Beer?” he asked, but I shook my head.

“No thanks; and don’t let me stop you,” I said, and he nodded, pulling one out and popping the top off with practiced ease. We sat down in his living room, one at each end of the couch and sat there in awkward silence for a minute. I had to get it out now, or I’d never get up the nerve to. I took a deep breath before turning to him.

“Look, Jordan, I really want to apologize, what I said—”

“No, Cam, I should apologize. I had no right to just dump that on you without knowing how you felt, and I understand if you find it awkward hanging around with me. I just had to get it out,” he cut me off.

“No, that’s not it at all Jordan,”

“Cam, you don’t have to spare my feelings, it’s okay. I get it; you’re not into guys, and if it’s weird being around me it’s okay,”

“Would you just—”

“Cam, I mean it—”

“God damn-it Jordan if you would shut up for two seconds you’d know I feel the same way!” I burst, feeling ridiculous after acting so childishly. He stood there, looking absolutely stunned; his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open. He’d hardly come to terms with himself; finding out he’d liked a guy had really messed with his head, but he obviously hadn’t expected this.

“Y-you what?”

“I like you too Jordan; you’re my best friend, and I hate not being able to talk to you or spend time with you. I knew what I’d said hadn’t come out right, and I know I hurt your feelings, but you didn’t let me explain—” I didn’t have to. Before I’d finished speaking Jordan had put his beer down, closed the space between us and pressed his lips to mine. To say there was sparks was an understatement; fireworks was a more appropriate term.

“Wow,” he breathed when he pulled away slightly, his forehead still resting on mine.

“You’re telling me,” I agreed, feeling almost light-headed from him. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tight against his rock-hard body and making a shiver run down my spine. I hadn’t felt this feminine in a long time, and I was a little embarrassed over the way I was so obviously melting; my temperature had kicked up and I was nearly trembling in anticipation of another kiss or another touch.

“I know it’s a hard thing to wrap your head around Cam, but I’m one hundred percent with you every step of the way. And anything… physical…” he nearly choked on the word, “I think we should wait for until we’re totally comfortable with… this.”

“There’s something I need to tell you Jordan,” I sighed, resting my head against his chest, hoping against all hope he wouldn’t get angry.

“What is it Cam?” he asked, holding me at arm’s length, those incredibly blue eyes searching my face.

“Jordan I…I’m… shit, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you earlier,” I felt the guilt rising up in my stomach again, and he looked worried.

“W-what’s wrong? Cam, are you okay?”

“I’m a girl.”