Who Wouldn't Want To Be Me

“Goosebumps?” he asked, watching me as he began to kiss his way up the other side of my body, back up my neck, behind my ear, along my jaw and finally back to my lips. He managed to wiggle out of his pajama pants, which left both of us wearing only boxer shorts. I started to feel shy at that point; I’d never been the girl that guys found attractive, and to know how Jordan felt was unnerving and different for me.

“Cam, babe; relax. You don’t have to feel nervous; I think we should wait for this to go all the way,” he whispered against my ear, his hand running up and down my thigh in a rather distracting way.

“It’s not that that’s making me nervous,” I admitted, not wanting to get into this right now, and I’ll admit I was a little relieved that he wasn’t expecting things to move this quickly.

“Then what is it sweetheart?” he asked, and I felt my face heat up. I pulled away slightly, and Jordan immediately realized that I was becoming more introverted about this and that the night that moments ago held a lot of promise was quickly slipping away.

“Babe, babe look at me,” he said, tipping my chin up so our eyes met. I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling really self-conscious without a shirt on. I was aware I had next to nothing for curves since I’d really been working with Steve to tone and build some muscle. I knew I couldn’t hold a candle to the majority of the women Jordan had brought home right after Torrie had left; they were tall, curvy, had incredible hair, and Jordan didn’t do but-her-face’s; they all looked like they’d stepped off the cover of a magazine. Personality was usually a different story, but that didn’t matter in this department.

“Don’t do this to yourself,” he said, and I let out a long breath, feeling like I wanted to hide more and more by the minute, but Jordan kept me pinned beneath him. “You’re beautiful, you’re sexy, you’re everything I could ever want. Don’t make yourself feel bad, don’t undermine yourself.”

“Jordan, I…” I started to blush again, knowing that my insecurities was part of the problem, but my inexperience and his experience in the matter had a lot to do with it as well.

“What is it babe? Nothing is going to make me think any less of you or find you any less attractive, or not want to be with you,” he assured me, and I again wasn’t sure how I’d managed to find someone like Jordan.

“It’s just… I don’t know what I’m doing,” I blurted, and then wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there. I reached for my T-shirt, but Jordan grabbed my wrist, pulling my hand towards him and then placing it on his chest.

“Feel that?” I shrugged, but his other hand tipped my chin up again so I had to look at him. “That’s what you do to me. You make my heart speed up and miss beats and go crazy on me. Just the way you are; so don’t worry. You’re the only one I want to be with, and if you don’t know what you’re doing that’s okay, we can work on that,” he chuckled a little as I blushed again and smacked his chest.

“Point is, you don’t have to be nervous or embarrassed or anything around me babe – I really don’t care how experienced or whatever you are. You’re my Cam, I’ll take you any way I can get you,” he finished with a soft kiss. I felt a little better, but I still felt silly without a shirt on.
“Thanks Jord,” I pressed a kiss to his lips, before snatching my shirt from beside us. “But I still feel ridiculous without my shirt on.”

“No,” he all but whined, pulling it out of my hand. He adjusted his position and made himself comfortable on his elbows on top of me again. He kissed me a few times before he deepened them, his hands sliding up my skin as he tried to get things back to where they were. As with anything Jordan was persistent, and soon I felt myself melting back into him, relaxing slightly but not letting go completely, which I almost wished I could do.

I gasped, not having realized what Jordan was doing until I felt his hand on the inside of my thigh underneath the thin material of the boxers I was wearing as pajama bottoms. It was like immediate panic set in, and while I wanted things to progress with Jordan I just wasn’t ready for it. Not here, not in a hotel room, not after only being together for about a month.

“Jordan,” as soon as his name passed by my lips he pulled away.

“You’re not ready for this?” he asked, and I nodded.

“No, I’m so sorry Jordan, I just—”

“Babe, it’s fine; don’t worry about it. This is something we can wait for until we’re ready for it. As long as you’re sure and it’s not just because you’re being all silly on me again with this ‘self-conscious’ stuff,” he teased, making me laugh a little.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just… I’m,”

“A little ‘inexperienced’,” he suggested, using my earlier words.

“More like extremely inexperienced,” I told him, feeling my face turn red for what had to be the hundredth time in the past hour.

“That’s kind of hot actually,” Jordan said, and my head snapped up to look at him. An easy, yet slightly excited grin was on his face.

“What do you mean?” I asked, and he chuckled, pressing a kiss to my forehead and pushing my hair back off of my face.

“It’s kind of exciting – that means I get to teach you, and to be honest, I think it’ll mean a lot more. I’m sorry if I was rushing you or anything, I mean, I hadn’t known that – not that it makes rushing you right – but I mean I would’ve been a little less pushy had I known,” he said, and I buried my face against his chest.

“Can I ask a question?” I nodded, preparing myself for what I knew he was going to ask.

“Have you ever… slept with someone?” he asked.

“No,” I shook my head, and his eyes widened.

“Really? Seriously?” he asked, making me feel even more ridiculous.

“Seriously,”

“I mean, a pretty girl like you? I guess good things come to those who wait,” he said, his voice going from serious to teasing.

“I don’t know, I haven’t seen the good things,” I played along, and Jordan pouted a little.

“Ouch, so I’m awful?” I laughed, kissing his pouting lips.

“No, you know I’m just kidding,” I assured him, and he smiled, kissing me again before making himself comfortable.

“I know, I know. Anyhow, we better get some sleep; Parker’s going to be a ball of energy tomorrow, and I’m going to need all the rest I can get if I have a hope in hell of keeping up with him,” he said.

“Then we just send him with Jared somewhere for an hour so you can have a nap,” I shrugged, snuggling in against him and closing my eyes.

“Genius idea,”

“It’s a girl thing,” I retorted, and he chuckled.

“Probably is – maternal instinct or some shit like that,”

“Good night Jordan,”

“Night Cam,”