This Is Not the End

Jacky’s POV

“Casey!” Ella trilled as she opened the door to her apartment. I cringed slightly at the sound of my middle name being used. I stepped inside and hugged her.

Ella was short and blonde and had gray eyes. We had been seeing each other for a few months, and it was pretty serious. Well, to her it was. I didn’t know how I felt about her anymore. She was a sweet girl, but she was very clingy.

“My passport should be here in a month! I’m so excited to be going to America with you. I’ve already started packing!” She gushed as she took me by the hand and led me to the couch.

I sat down and put my head in my hands. “You actually applied for a passport?” I said, looking at her.

“Yeah… you said last month… that you were taking me back to LA with you.” She said with a pouty look on her face.

“No. I said that I was going back to LA and that I wished I could take you with me.” I replied warily. I knew what was about to happen. Ella was going to sit there and cry and pout and I was going to end up with a headache.

“So… I’m not going to LA?” She said with a catch in her throat.

“No. I have some things I need to smooth over with my band and you’ll just be in the way.” I said.

Ella didn’t say anything; she just sat there and started crying. I don’t even know why I called her the next evening. I remember the night we met. I was at a bar, drinking, trying to forget about Elise.

It was ten at night and the pub wasn’t too busy. I was sitting at the bar, with a pint in my hands. It was my fifth one, and I was feeling pretty buzzed. I was absentmindedly staring at the little TV in the back corner behind the bar. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned my head and saw a girl about Elise’s age standing beside me with a glass in her hand. Her light blond hair was teased back and her makeup was in a smoky style, making her gray eyes pop. She was wearing a cropped Guns N Roses shirt and tight leather leggings and a plaid skirt and heels. She ran her free hand through her hair and bit her lip.

“Are you drinking alone?” she asked.

“Yeah, kind of, I’m trying to forget about a girl.” I slurred. The girl sat down on the barstool to the right of me.

“She must have been an awful person to have left you.” She said with a flirty smile.

“She wasn’t so bad. You kind of look like her.” I said.

“Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?” she asked.

“I dunno yet. What’s your name?” I asked, making a poor attempt at flirting.

“Elaine. But my friends call me Ella.” She said.

“Well what can I call you?” I asked, taking a sip from my pint.

Elaine slipped me a piece of paper and grinned. “Call this number sometime, and you’ll find out, cutie.” She said with another flirty smile. She stood up and touched my shoulder as she sauntered across the pub to the door. I stood up and followed her out. She was standing by a few meters away from the exit, leaning against the wall with a cigarette in her hand. I walked over to her.

I put my hands on her hips and pulled her to me and kissed her. After I pulled back, she stood there smiling up at me.

“You can call me Ella.” She said.

I went out with her a few times after that. And she was a great girl, but for some reason, every time I was around her, I would catch myself thinking about Elise. When Ella would laugh, a memory of Elise would flood back. The same thing would happen when we argued or when she cried. I didn’t know how to explain it. I thought that I was over her. I had stopped checking her twitter, and her facebook, and I had stopped creeping her tumblr. Usually that meant you were over someone, right?

“Casey, are you even listening to me?” Ella snapped.

“No. I wasn’t, what did you say?” I said coldly.

“You were thinking of that bitch again, weren’t you?” She said coldly.

I stood up. “Don’t you dare call Elise a bitch!” I said.

“She is a bitch when all you think about is her!” Ella said, standing up as well.

“You don’t know what she’s been through! I do. I saved that girl’s fucking life. You have no right to talk shit about her when you don’t even know her!” I shouted.

“You know what, Casey?! You still love her. You aren’t over her at all!” She screamed.

“Stop calling me Casey! My name is Jacky!” I shouted.

“That’s not the point, Jacky ! The point is, is that you are breaking my heart! You still love Elise, I know you do.” Ella sneered.

“How the fuck would you know?! You have the emotional range of a fucking teaspoon!” I shouted, feeling my face grow red.

“That’s not funny, Jacky. And I know because I’ve been there! You still love her, and if that’s the fucking case then, you can just get the fuck out of my house and go be with your stupid little whore! But good fucking luck with that, because according to her twitter, she’s moved on!” She shouted back with tears streaming down her cheeks.

“What do you mean she’s moved on? And why were you on her twitter?” I said.

Ella threw her phone at me. I caught it and looked at the screen. The image before me was haunting to say the least. It was a picture of Elise and Ronnie in front of the bathroom mirror. Ronnie was standing behind Elise with his arms around her waist and his lips to her cheek. I scrolled through the pictures. Almost all of them were of her and Ronnie cuddling or kissing, or with the baby.

“I’ve lost her…” I sighed. I handed Ella her phone back. She took it out of my hand with a sad look on her face.

“No you haven’t, Jacky. Just go back to America, and go to her. It may not be what you think.” She said, sounding genuinely sympathetic.

“I’m sorry, Ella. But I guess I should go back. I can’t run forever. Thank you for understanding.” I said, walking over to her and pulling her into my arms. She hugged back.

“Maybe we can be friends?” she said as I drew back.

“Of course.” I said, leaning down and kissing her cheek. “I’d like that. And again, I’m sorry. You really are a great girl, and maybe there is someone out there who will love you for you, and not the fact that you look like their ex-girlfriend.” I said.

“Yeah…” Ella said. “Bye Casey, I mean, Jacky.”

I turned and walked out the door. I ran to my car and drove as fast as I could back to my mum’s house. I ran inside and went straight to my room. I started grabbing everything out of my drawers and threw them into my bag.

“Are you leaving Jacky?” I heard my mum say from the door.

“Yeah, I have to. I want Elise back, before I lose her forever.” I said, turning around slightly to look at her. Mum came into the room and hugged me.

“There’s a good boy. Make sure you call us soon.” She said.

I hugged her tightly. “I will, Mum. I love you.”

Mum pulled back. “I love you too.”

I grabbed my bag and walked outside. There was a cab already waiting for me outside. I hugged my mom and dad once more and got in the cab. Once I was at the airport, I was able to buy a ticket to LA and was boarded without a hassle.

The flight was long and draining, but I felt a sense of relief as I came out of the terminal at the airport in LA. I grabbed my bags and went outside. It was about six pm. I called a cab and made it to the house. I rested my hand on the doorknob. I felt my heart pounding inside my chest.

It was now or never.