Warning

“Neurogod has a nice ass.” Kat said casually as we leaned up against the nurses station, watching as Hansan dictated his surgeries to the board.

“I am not going to look at his ass. I have a boyfriend. And I’m a professional.” I replied, grabbing a chip from my bag on the counter. “And you know, he’s really not that cute. I mean yeah, he has the eyes and the hair and the smile and whatever but he’s you know. Not my type.”

“Oh for the love of god, Violet.” Kat replied, still staring at him.

“Stop looking at him. He’s going to notice us.” I said, looking down at the discharge papers I was filling out.

“Just look at his ass.” Kat said, giving me a nudge with her forearm. I had to admit that by this point, I was pretty curious and fate seemed to know I was curious because as I looked up, he dropped a few charts on the ground and bent down to pick them up.

“Oh holy god almighty.” Kat mumbled, stealing a chip. We both tilted our heads and stared, the two of us completely shameless.

That was until he turned around, of course.

“Crap.” I said, pretending to look around the corner of the nurses station and then back down at my paperwork.

“He’s walking over here.” I heard Kat say and I felt my heartbeat grow faster and wilder as he approached us. My handwriting turned into scribble as I continued to fill out the papers.

“Dr. Anderson.” He greeted me, clearly amused. He looked at Kat and nodded slightly. “Dr. Swenn.”
“Dr. Hansan.” I replied nervously, not quite sure what to do with my hands. They went from the pocket of my scrubs to the pen on the counter, back to my pockets and then again on my pen. I gave the discharge papers and pen an awkward pat. “Filling out discharge papers.” I said lamely and I could see Kat put her hand to her head out of the corner of my eye.

“I see that.” He said, the crooked amused grin still on his face. “I was wondering if you were free for lunch today. After you fill out your discharge papers, of course.”

“Lunch?” I asked

“Yes. Lunch. I believe it’s this thing where people eat during the middle of the day. Usually with someone else.” He answered, his grin widening. It was blinding and frankly, borderline showing off.

“Lunch.” I said, not sure what was wrong with my brain at this point.

“I thought you’d be interested in scrubbing in on a spinal reconstruction from a GSW patient and I thought we could discuss it.”

“Over lunch.” I said, fidgeting slightly. “Yeah, that sounds great. Really…..great. I uh will get his chart?” I started moving over to inside the nurses station.

“Room 226” he said with another wide grin. “Which is that way. This is the neonatal wing.” He pointed to the left and I nodded.

“Right. Got it. See you later.” I waved awkwardly and walked away, feeling like my heart was going to tear through my chest.

Kat wandered in by my side a few seconds later, my yellow discharge papers in her hand.

“You forgot these. And you have absolutely no game.”

“I’m not supposed to have game.” I almost shouted. “I have a boyfriend. Game over.”

“Don’t freak out on me, slutty. Just casually mention it to Neurogod that you’re dating a hockey player and I’m sure he’ll back off.”

“Oh, please. It’s not like he was asking me out.”

“Violet.”

A wave of realization flooded over me and I groaned.

“Crap. I’m screwed. I’m really really screwed.” I said as we crossed the atrium to get coffee. But it wasn’t a date, it couldn’t be a date because I didn’t know it was a date. So by reason of ignorance, there was no way this could be a date.

“There you are.” A voice startled me, making me drop my splenda’s yet again. “I’ve been looking for you for the past ten minutes.” I turned around to find Sid standing there, his face looking distant and tired. I was almost scared to approach him, he looked exhausted.

“Hey.” I said softly, giving him a light hug. It felt tense and forced and pieces of the conversation we had the other day filled my head, creating more doubt than ever before. “You know, your mood swings are really giving me whiplash.” I quoted Twilight lightly, nervous to joke around him. It had been our first real date as a couple—thai food and a DVD rental of Twilight so that we could make fun of it together. He didn’t smile or show anything, he just stood there with his hands buried deep in his pockets.

“I just wanted to let you know I won’t be back for a few days. We’re going to New York after tonight’s game and then Montreal so I’ll be gone.” He said tonelessly and I cringed. There was something wrong but I was too afraid to ask, not sure whether or not it was job related or otherwise.

“Oh.” I replied, not sure of what else to say. “Okay. I guess I’ll see you then.” His face softened a little but I hesitated to ask him what was wrong. My nervous flirty fidgeting was replaced by anxious fidgeting as I clicked my pen several times before finally looking back up at him.

“Is everything okay? Are you alright?” I asked, placing my hand on his arm. He didn’t look at me for awhile, but when he finally did his eyes lacked expression. He just nodded.

“Yeah, it’s fine. I’m great. I have to go, I’ll see you..whenever.” he said before taking off. I exhaled sharply, placing my hand over my face for a brief second. I needed a moment, I needed to get out of here and I needed time to think. I took another deep breath before finally placing my hand down, ready to run away. But when I finally looked around me, I saw Neal Hansan watching me from down the hall, his expression soft and concerned. I couldn’t deal with him right now, I needed to get away because I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t think.

I turned away and went around a corner and into the first door I could pull open, sinking down and finally feeling safe to cry, to process it all, to be vulnerable. But the door opened seconds after I had slammed it shut and there he was.

“Violet—“

“Leave. I’m fine.” I replied back, my voice shaking. “I’m fine. I just can’t have you there, watching me. Because I need to cry and I can’t—I can’t have you here.” I said and he didn’t respond, he just looked at me and it made it even worse.

“Okay.” He said gently, finally leaving the closet so that I could be alone.

Because I needed it.