I'll Never Be the Same

Some small part of me felt bad for yelling at Darren the other day. That part kept me checking my cell phone, looking to see if Darren had sent me one of his annoying texts. That small part of me felt a little worried as well. I voiced my concerns to Becca when I was at her house a few days after Christmas.

“You don’t even like him,” she said. “You really should be happy that he’s leaving you alone now.”

“You’re right,” I said. I still felt that minor pang of guilt.

On New Year’s Eve, Becca dragged me to a party someone was throwing. I did a few shots with Becca, just to keep her happy. I was glad when we got separated. I really wasn’t in the mood to party anyways.

I stood away from the crowd of people in the house, watching everyone act like idiots.

“Hey, Hailey.”

I turned my head and saw a guy I recognized from one of my earlier classes; I think his name was Ben.

“Hey,” I said, unsure. I wasn’t completely used to guys talking to me. I’d had a few boyfriends before, but nothing serious.

“I heard you and Darren broke up,” he said. I rolled my eyes.

“We were never dating,” I said.

“Is that so?” Ben (I think) said an arm slipping around my waist. “Want to dance?”

“Not really,” I said, stepping away from him. He moved with me, moving closer. He leaned down so his face was closer to mine. I could smell the alcohol on his breath and I grimaced.

“How about we go somewhere that’s quiet then?” he asked, gesturing with his head towards the stairs.

“I’m not interested,” I said, trying to squirm out of the hold he had on me.

I had finally broken away from him, but it took him only a second to latch a hand tightly around my wrist. I flinched at the pain and tried to pull away but that only made it hurt worse.

“Let go of me,” I said loudly, glaring at him. His grip tightened as he pulled me closer to him and I felt tears stinging my eyes from the pain.

“So you put out for Darren, but not for someone with better intentions?” he asked.

“From where I’m standing, right now your intentions don’t seem any better,” I spat back. He grabbed my other wrist and pushed me back against the wall.

“You’ve got a bit of fight in you, don’t you?” Ben asked. “I like that.”

He was pressing himself against me, hands still tightly gripping my wrists. I felt a combination of nausea and wanting to cry because I wasn’t seeing any way out of this situation. Everyone there didn’t seem to realize that I was being harassed. They were all too focused on dancing and drinking.

Ben started to lean in, and guessing what he was planning, I turned my head as best I could and his lips hit my cheek. He breathed out heavily; the stench and warmth of his breath making me want to vomit even more. Letting go of one of my wrists, he gripped my chin hard, turning my face so that it was facing him. He leaned in again, this time his lips landing right where he wanted them to. I used my free hand to push his stomach, trying to use enough force to get him to back away, but nothing was working. I tried to move my head to the side, but he only tightened his grip on my chin.

Somehow, I managed to work my leg between his legs and I kneed him hard enough in the crotch to where he was doubled over in front of me. I hurried away from him before he could get a hold of me again. I headed straight for the front door of the house, hurrying outside. I took a deep breath and burst into tears. Never had I been attacked like that before; it wasn’t a good feeling and I was thankful that the only thing that had been forced on me was a kiss.

Calming down a bit, I realized the decision to come outside wasn’t the best because it was so cold out. I wiped at my face, shivering a bit.

I jumped when someone placed a coat over my shoulders. I realized that it was my coat and turning around I saw that it was Darren who had brought it to me.

“I saw what happened,” he said quietly. I turned away.

“Then why didn’t you stop it?”

“Well, I just saw the part where you kneed him in the balls,” Darren answered. “I was going to follow you right outside, but I figured you might want your coat so I went and looked for that first.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, slipping my arms into the sleeves of my coat and zipping it up.

“Are you okay?” he asked after a moment.

“I’ll be fine,” I said, sniffling. I wiped at my eyes again; I was still crying a bit.

Darren moved to stand next to me and looked at me.

“You want me to drive you home?”

I nodded my head and Darren placed a hand on my back to guide me towards his car which I saw parked on the street. He unlocked it and opened my door for me. I got in quickly and closed the door. Darren got in on his side and started it up. The radio was on, some radio station playing softly. I shivered, still cold from being outside without a coat, and Darren turned the heat up.

My house wasn’t far from where the party was and Darren parked on the street in front of my house, putting his car in park and leaving it running. I made no move to get out of the car.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Darren asked. I looked at him.

“Yeah,” I said. “I just… don’t want to go home just yet.”

“That’s fine,” he said. “We can sit here till you do.”

“Thank you.”

It was silent again except for the radio. I looked down at my hands which were placed in my lap. My wrists were still sore and I was sure I was going to have bruises.

“I’m sorry,” I said after a moment.

“For what?”

“For yelling at you last week,” I said, looking up at him. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” he said, giving a small smile. “I deserved it.”

“Well, I can’t disagree with that,” I said, smiling at him. It was quiet again. I looked out the window of the car at my house, seeing that there were no lights on. My mom was probably already in bed.

“Happy New Year.”

“What?” I asked, turning to look at Darren.

“Happy New Year,” he repeated, pointing at the clock. The glowing screen of the radio clock showed me that it was in fact 12:02.

“Happy New Year to you as well,” I said. I looked back at my house, then back at Darren. “I think I’m going to head inside now.”

Darren nodded his head and I reached for the door handle.

“Hailey?”

I turned to look at Darren again.

“I thought you should just know that I still want you,” he said. “I’m just going to go about it a different way.”

I rolled my eyes and smiled at him.

“You really should just give up,” I said, opening the door and sliding out.

“You’re worth all the effort,” Darren said before I could close the door. I stared at him for a minute.

“Thanks for the ride,” I said, not knowing what else I could say. He smiled at me and I shut the door. He waited until I was inside the house before driving off.

Maybe I wasn’t like all the other girls.