Spark Bonds and Love Songs

"Son of a bitch!" I yelled.  The crack I heard after colliding my fist with the wall only meant one thing.  I had broken my hand (again).

I'd done it out of rage though I wasn't sure why.  My bitchiness had increased tenfold, along with my irritability, anger, melancholy, stress levels, and it seemed to be happening for no reason.  Nothing set me off.  I just snapped.

In that moment I lost it, and collapsed to the floor, sobbing.  I was causing a scene, and I knew it.  Soldiers and bots alike looked on, a wide range of emotions on their faces.

"Brenton?" Bee called tentatively from behind me.

"Go away," I whined like a child.

"Oh, Brent," he said, setting down next to me.

He wrapped me in his arms and held me close, his spark thrumming underneath my ear.  I sobbed into him.  He brought his alt mode over a moment later, and picked me up, setting me in the passenger seat.

I curled up in a ball, feeling tired, and broken.

That was until I saw where he was taking me.  Hell have no fury like me when, I was refusing to see Ratchet.  

I flipped, screeching like a banshee and pushing with all my might to open his damn door.

"Let me out!" I screeched.

"No," Bee said as firmly as his voice allowed.

I saw the neon green bot up ahead, and let out a feral sounding growl.

The window opened and in a few moments I was knocked out.  

•••

I woke up in the medbay.  Despite having slept for who knows how long, I was still tired.  Bee was laying next to me in the cot, his arm lazily around my shoulders, his head resting tiredly over mine.  Jazzy was curled up on my chest.

Ratchet, was sitting at his desk, a data pad in his hands.

"Ratchet," I whispered, knowing he would hear.

His helm turned to look at me.  He set down the data pad and walked over.  I felt his scanners on me, but didn't bother complaining.

"Wanna explained what happened?" I asked.

"You had an emotional melt down," he said.

"I remember that."

"That was a week ago," he said.

"A week?" I whispered.

"Bumblebee, brought you here, but before I could even examine you, you passed out.  Nothing I did at first brought you out of it.  Everything appeared normal, but you were in a comatose and stasis like state."

"Why?"

"I ran some deep scans, and it appears to me that you're carrying."

"Carrying? Like-"

"A sparkling, Brent."

"You tol-"

"I was wrong.  I don't know what to do.  You can cary the sparks, but with your organic half, it wouldn't survive even if we had a frame.  And it's not like we have a random human lying around, and even if we did, they don't have a cybertronian half to take the spark."

"What's my end result?" I asked.

"We can do nothing now, because it hasn't begun to bud off."

"And when it does it dies?" I asked.

"Yes."

I didn't like it, but I didn't really feel anything.

"And when will it happen?"

"It may never, because of your organic half."

"And I'll be stuck like this?"
 
"For the rest of your life."

Again this didn't upset me as much as it probably should've.

It didn't make sense.

"I put you on a mood stabilizer and turned down the sensitivity on your relays," ratchet explained.

I sighed and closed my eyes.  I knew I was supposed to feel something, but I couldn't.  I should've been livid.  I'd never been one to be sad.  I was angry, save for when someone I cared about was involved.  If anything I should've been scared.  I could've ended up like Starscream.  

My thoughts drifted to the spark.  Sure the death would be sad.  It was unfortunate when any life was lost, but it wasn't anything that would've crushed me. A life lost before it even began was one spared.  Free from a world that was too painful and dangerous to be healthy.  Free from the suffering that everyone went through until they themselves passed.

Bee would be devastated.  He probably already was.  He was haggard looking.  He had bags under his eyes, his hair was a mess and he was pale.

I reached through the bond and sent my comfort.  He sighed in his sleep and relaxed considerably.  "We'll be okay."