This is the Calm Before the Storm

I tried texting josh, I tried calling josh, I even tried dan but he couldn’t get hold of him either. Turns out they were in town for a few days because they were playing a gig and last time dan heard from josh was when he left telling him he was going to see me.

Looks like he never got there though. I had no idea what was happening. How could things go from being so amazingly perfect one minute to so awful the next?

The worst thing was I didn’t understand what he was trying to say. What did he mean I couldn’t wait for him? That’s all I had pretty much done for the past few weeks. Why would he even think that?

It wasn’t until the next morning when I got a text from him. It was a picture, but not just any picture, a picture of Adam and me.

It was taken the day before when we were at starbucks. We were facing each other and our fingers were laced together on the table whilst there were massive grins on our faces.

Oh shit.

I had no idea how he got the picture but I was determined to find out. I threw on some clothes and rushed out the door. This was not something you did over the phone. I was at josh’s about 10 minutes later and I knocked on the door furiously.

It suddenly opened revelling josh, but he did it so quick I nearly hit him in the face. I quickly recovered and josh just stood there. I didn’t know what to say at first. I hadn’t seen him in so long, but he hadn’t changed one bit. My heart burst at the sight of him, but he looked as if he would rather there be anyone else but me on his door step.

“Josh you need to listen to me, its not what it looks like, I don’t know how you got that picture but it’s completely out of context. Adam and I are just friends”

“Really? Because I was coming over to see you yesterday but before I got there I saw the two of you on your door step. Do you let all your friends kiss you?” he sounded bored and deflated. Like he was incapable of feeling anything. I just wanted to shake him and make him see sense.

“It was on the cheek josh, why are you being like this?”

“Im not being like anything. I was just stupid to think you would wait this long for me”

“Do you not trust me?” To that he didn’t answer and I could feel the rage beginning to boil inside of me, but I took a deep breath and spoke calmly. “Ive waited all this time for you to get back so we could sort things out, and now its here I get this? Just shows how much you really think of me. And to think I actually wanted you back? Adam was right; you’re only going to hurt me again” and with that I walked away.

There was only one person I wanted to see right now and I was just hoping he was home. I marched my way over there as quickly as I could and bashed on the door with the same force as I had josh’s.

I thought Dan’s house was big, but in comparison to Adam’s it was tiny. Adam lived on a private road with house that cost more that I would make in my whole life. I stood there waiting impatiently and was about to knock again when a middle aged woman answered the door.

“May I help you love?”

“Yes, im looking for Adam”

“Oh he’s in his room, would you like me to take you there?”

“If that’s ok” I smiled and she ushered me in. we walked down a long hallway and then up a massive flight of stairs before we snaked down another hallway and up more stairs. Adam’s room was on the top floor and it was the only one there.

She knocked on the door lightly and he called out that she could come in.

“Adam there’s a girl here for you”

“Oh ok, um send her in”

She opened the door slightly and I walked into view.

“Now can I get you two anything?” she said and I had a mean girl’s moment and imaged her carrying on and saying some snacks, a condom? But she didn’t thankfully,

“No thanks Maggie”

“Ok well just shout if you need anything” and with that she left.

“Maggie, you call your mum by her fist name?”

“She’s not my mum, she’s the cleaning lady”

“You have people that work for you?”

“Only a few” he smiled shyly and then patted the space next to him on his bed. I placed my bag on the floor and slipped my shoes off before sitting next to him. “And to what do I owe this pleasure?”

“I just came to tell you that you were right and im sorry” I said, but the last part came out as a sort of chocked sob. I hated crying. I hated how defenceless you were and week you looked. But it seemed to be all I was doing lately.

“Hey what’s happened?”

“I got a text from josh yesterday saying that it looked like I couldn’t wait for him, and then he sent me a picture of us the morning from when we were at starbucks yesterday and pretty much accused me of seeing you when I went to see him this morning”

“Im sorry el” He said wrapping his arms around me and laying us both down. I buried my head in his chest and was determined not to cry, and thankfully, for once, my body obeyed me.

We laid there for a while in silence, just listening to each others breathing. I missed this. I missed being this close to someone, I missed the feel of someone’s body pressed against my own, I missed the wandering hands and someone’s hot breathe on my neck. I missed being touched and I missed being loved.

Without a second thought a sat up and pulled Adam with me. He looked at me confused first but then I think he saw I what I wanted in my eyes and his face changed.

I lent up and attached my lips to his, and before he could even try and pull away I knotted my fingers in his hair to keep him in place. It didn’t matter though; he held on to me just as tight and kissed me back with just as much force as I was hoping for.

I could feel it. That spark you’re supposed to get, it was there, but nothing compared to what I felt when josh kissed me. I cursed him in my head for making me think of him and making me constantly compare him to every other guy I looked at.

Adam snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him. We were as close as two bodies could be but for some reason it wasn’t enough. I needed to be closer. He must have felt my urgency because his cold hands now found themselves under my top and he was leaving trails of goose bumps wherever he touched.

What started out as so innocent had turned into something much more.

I pulled away and ripped my denim waistcoat off and then shred my top before pouncing back on him. I thanked the lord I remembered to put good underwear on today and Adam seemed to appreciate it so much a low growl came from somewhere in his throat and I could feel him clasping the back trying to get it undone.

“Not yet” I whispered in his ear and then helped him take his own shirt off.

“God el you’re driving me crazy, you have no idea how long ive waited to be this close to you” He said through ragged breaths as his lips trailed up and down my neck.

His lips hit a certain spot on my kneck and I couldn’t help my cry out. He looked up at me with an almost cocky smile on his face; before he bent down to attach his lips back again.

I tried to hold in the gasps and the moans but it was growing harder by the second until my defences finally slipped a little and some noise escaped.

I felt his breath on my neck as he laughed, so I pulled him back up to my lips. As time passed on we were both down to just our underwear and Adam was hovering over me. I knew what was coming and I didn’t know how I felt about it.

I liked Adam. He was truthful and didn’t beat around the bush when he wanted to say things. He was sweet and easy to talk to but I wasn’t sure if I liked him like he told me liked me. Or mean maybe I did, because otherwise we wouldn’t be in this current situation. I must have felt something for him. But it felt like I was using him.

Josh had pissed me off so I went a slept with Adam, that’s what it was when it came down to it. I was angry and needy so I was channelling it into Adam. All I could think about was josh as Adams lips were on mine. I was constantly comparing him to how josh might be doing things and missing the intensity of the spark we had. It was there with Adam, but barely. Then his fingers felt the hem of my underwear and began to pull them down slightly, and then the thought suddenly popped into my head

I don’t think I can do this.

“Wait Adam stop” I said pushing him off me. I brought my knees up and hugged them to my chest. “Im sorry I just...”

“I get it, I get it. Its ok, I went too far. We shouldn’t have done this.” he sighed and then sat up next to me.

“No im sorry, I shouldn’t have led you on like that. It’s all my fault, please don’t hate me” I sniffed and buried my head in my knees. I felt his arms go around me and he pulled me into his chest

“Don’t be sorry. It takes two to tango” he joked and I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped my lips. “I took advantage of you, I knew you were upset and not thinking straight so I’m the one who should be sorry. Plus I could never hate you. I like you too much, even though it’s pointless cause I know we’re not gonna go anywhere but for some reason I still hold on to some hope that you might like me back one day.” He whispered and kissed my forehead.

“Im sorry I just-”

“Stop being sorry” he cut me off “it’s just me being a clingy twat” and then he pulled away. “Promise we can just move on from this and forget about it? I don’t want this fucking up out friendship”

“I promise” I smiled and then we quickly got dressed.

“You wanna watch a film or something?” he said motion towards a TV that looked like it should be in a cinema. I must have looked shocked at the size of it because he began to laugh at me. “I’ll let you pick what film we watch as long as it isn’t some mushy girly shit”

“I kind of wish your cousin was here, he’s the only one who watches them with me”

“Yeah well he’s a pansy” he commented whilst adjusting his shirt, “now go pick a movie” he said, pointing to the huge pile of DVD’s just to the right of the TV. How did I miss those?

I browsed the titles with nothing really catching my eye until the big orange title of one stuck out.

“You have an adventure time DVD?”

“That’s not a film” he said catching onto the fact I wanted to watch it.

“I don’t care, you said I could pick. Plus if we watch all of them then it will be as long a film. Now put up with it” I smiled before putting the disk in the player and going back over to Adams bed. I thought it might be awkward but he opened up his arms for me and I rested my head on his shoulder.

I had Adam on side which was good, now just what to do about josh?