Together by This Christmas Tree

john o'callaghan

It hit me like a ton of bricks as Cally curled up into my chest, breathing in and out heavily and her wet face dug deep into my chest. She came back just as I was waking up, murmuring that she needed me, she needed someone to listen. We sat and talked, and I held her close, despite the pounding headache and no memory of last night. That was what made us so special.

The power to forgive, the power that love had over both of us. And that’s when it hit me. There was no point in waiting, was there? I loved her, I needed her. And just when I thought things couldn’t get any more complicated between us, Cally wiped under her eyes, smiling up at me like the Cheshire cat and kissed me roughly, deeply. She pushed me down on the bed, smirking and reattaching our lips. I pulled away, trying not to get into it.

“Are you sure, Cally? Are you sure?” I murmured, not sure if even she wanted this, or was just sad. I wasn’t going to take advantage of her, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to make her regret it. She sat back against my body, smiling a little like she was going to stop.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” She kissed me again, my hands sliding beneath her shirt, feeling oddly like that night in her apartment. I slowly slid her shirt over her head, her hands massaging my stomach as I kissed her cheekbones, down her chest, and peppered her stomach with butterfly kisses, the ones that Cally loved so much. It went by so quickly, and she was rough, but almost not rough enough, like she was scared. She kept holding back, then going again at full force, but I knew, that if nothing else, she wanted this.

I held her tight in my arms, whispering in her ear. “I love you, Cally.” I murmured, and she giggled, snuggling closer to me.

“I know you do.” Cally snuggled her head into my chest, tracing my tattoos with her fingers, dark and bruised from her piano playing, now that we were spending more time in her apartment, in her world. I sat up slowly, looking down at her.

“Cally, I don’t think you do. I love you until the day I die, and I love every part of you, the good and the bad. And yes, we’ve had a storybook romance with little or no problems and I know that, but we fight and we yell and we scream and we hate each other but Cally, you don’t understand how much you mean to me. You haven’t been here for a long time, and I know that. I love you too much for such a short time and that scares me more than anything else. You’re my entire world and I’m scared one day you won’t be a part of it. I love you, not because you’re my dream girl, no. I love you because you’re better than my dream girl. You’re real. You’re here, with me, right now. You are everything I have ever wanted and so much more. I fucking love you, Cally, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Start a family, live a life that the rest of the guys will be jealous of. I want to be happy, Cally, and when I picture myself happy, it’s with you. Please don’t leave. Please don’t leave.” I kept my voice low, and Cally was crying, crying so hard and not stopping.

She hugged me tight. “I love you, John. I’m won’t ever leave. I won’t, because even if I wanted to, I love you too much. I love that you are flawed, that you aren’t perfect, and that each and every day I spend with you, I feel less alone and feel more and more like someone who deserves your love. And I know you could find someone better, but I just hope you won’t, okay? Please don’t leave me.”

We hugged, we held each other so tightly that I thought we’d die this way, holding each other so close until finally, I chuckled, kissing her forehead softly. “Let’s go get some dinner, okay? Get dressed and go get lunch and rub it in everyone’s faces how much we love each other.” Cally laughed, rolling out from between my white sheets and grabbing her clothes, discarded around various parts of the room. The way the light shined around her tanned skin, she was more beautiful than I had ever seen her, but that was because her smile was lighting everything up.

Cally grabbed my hand and I made my choice. I needed a guys night: just the band guys, Halvo, maybe Austin Gibbs. Help me arrange things, make it perfect. It had to be perfect, for my perfect girl. Sure, she wasn’t perfect, far from it. But in my eyes, she was. She was the lock to my key, and all that other sappy bullshit I hated so much, yet loved to feel.

Cally’s hand in mine sent chills up my arm and down my back, her fingers occasionally brushing my jeans as we walked down the busy Tempe streets, heading towards a cafe near where I lived, Cally telling me all about something she read in a magazine. Her face was darkened by the moon in the air and the few lights on the sidewalk, but as I slid my arm around her waist and held her close, it felt okay. She felt so happy, built up so high and seeing the world from my fingertips.

“John, what do you want in the future? And don’t say what you think I want to hear, okay? I want your honesty, I just really want to know.” Cally’s voice became tight as she looked at me with her bright eyes, and I smiled.

“Honestly? Right now, I just want you in my future. I want you to be there, a ring on your finger and a baby in your belly and for us to be happy. Preferably when I’m home more often, but still, Cally. Any scenario with you is where I want to be in the future.” I chuckled as Cally rolled her eyes jokingly, prodding me in the side. “I guess other than you, I want the band to take off, things to be absolutely excellent and for us to sell out a tour, or sell out Madison Square Garden, to change kids’s lives because of our music. Is that too sappy for you?” I looked down at her, and she bit her lip, shaking her head.

“No, John.” She smiled. “Actually, it sounds marvelous. I - or any girl, for that matter- would be lucky to be by your side to see your career take off.” She stood on her tiptoes to kiss me, and I was caught in pure euphoria.