Stay

“So here we are back to the start again. Trying hard to wait till morning. Hey rise and shine and open up your eyes to give this world some color. Shine on diamond eyes separate the spaces between love and lies. And as days go by the memories remain. I’ll wait for you. And as the days go by the memories remain. I won’t let go. The memories remain the same, pictures fade away. Please don’t ever change. Please don’t change your mind no matter what they say. I’ll always wait.” – Hawthorne Heights

Melody looked at her now slightly swollen stomach in the mirror a look of disapproval on her usually serene face. She had just hit the eleven week mark in her unexpected pregnancy. There was thing Melody knew about the life growing inside of her, she didn’t want it. Not now, not when she’s twenty-one and unmarried. Of course if Nick had any say in the matter they would be married, but Melody refused to marry him just because she is pregnant; it took a lot of convincing just to move in with him. To say their short fourth month relationship was on the rocks would be an understatement. They were constantly at each other’s throats about something. Nick blamed it on Melody’s hormones and the stress of the pregnancy on both of them.

It was tough for the young couple to deal with all of the stress of preparing for a life to be born. They had chosen to wait until it was absolutely necessary to tell anyone about the baby, Melody didn’t want anyone to know while Nick wanted to tell everyone.
When Nick walked into the room he shared with his girlfriend to find said girlfriend starring once again at her stomach with distaste all he could do was sigh. The night they found out Melody was pregnant Nick had a hard time dealing with it, he came so close to relapsing that he was just steps from the liquor store doors when he realized what he was doing. This was one of the reasons why when Nick returned back to his house that night Melody told him they shouldn’t keep the baby. A part of Nick wanted to hate Melody for even suggesting terminating the pregnancy, but then he knew she was just scared. He had hoped it would just take time for her to love the life they made.

“You can’t even tell you’re pregnant.” Nick commented as he approached his girlfriend.

“I can tell.” Melody mumbled.

Nick wrapped his arms around Melody his hands lightly touching the small baby bump. He smiled as he looked down at where his hands laid.

“I’m going to take a shower.” Melody said removing Nick’s hands from her.

It hurt Melody to see how happy Nick was about the baby when she was miserable. She knew she should be happy about having a baby but she couldn’t love it yet. To her it was a burden on her and Nick’s already crazy lives. Nick was planning a tour and Melody was working her way to being a well-known song writer. This baby was going to stop their careers; in Melody’s eyes her career would be forced to stop completely and possibly Nick’s as well.

Nick watched as Melody walked out of the room not even bothering to pretend to be happy anymore. Nick missed spending time with Melody when everything was perfect. It killed him to see how depressed she had become because of the pregnancy. He wished there was a way to make her see the blessing in the situation but she refused to see the baby as anything more than a burden on their lives.

Another restless night awaited the couple as the settled into bed later that night. Melody found it hard to sleep with her mind constantly thinking about the future. Nick was unable to sleep knowing that Melody lay awake next to him for most of the night. He could tell how upset she was having so much to deal with in such a short period of time.

Three days had now gone by without any fights, something Nick was happy about. Melody had even seemed happy for once. Of course there had to be something that ruined the little bit of happiness the couple got.

“Mel, you have to eat something.” Nick said frustrated. “It isn’t healthy to go so long without eating anything.”

Melody refused to eat and since she hardly touched her food the day before Nick was reaching the end of his rope. Melody had no intentions of harming the baby she just couldn’t bring herself to eat.

“I can’t Nick.” Melody said her voice rising. “How many times do I have to tell you that?”

“Just try!” Nick yelled his frustration getting the better of him. “Stop being so fucking selfish!”

“I’m not being selfish!” Melody yelled back. “I’m not going to force myself to eat! I’m not hungry!”

“Think of the baby, Mel, you’re hurting him by not eating.” Nick said the desperation he felt evident in his voice.

“Nick, please stop.” Melody said tears flowing freely now.

“I’ll stop when you eat something.” Nick said quietly. “I love you Melody, and I won’t let you hurt yourself or our child.”

Melody fell into one of the chairs situated around the kitchen table and watched as Nick quickly made her some lunch. Melody forced the pasta down just to make Nick happy. With every bite her body wanted to reject it but she wouldn’t let that happen. If something happened to the baby because of something she did Melody knew she would lose Nick.

“Thank you.” Nick said taking the now empty plate from Melody.

Melody didn’t say anything as she stood from the table to go back to bed. Nick wanted to go with her to make sure she didn’t do anything stupid. He knew what depression could make people do. He was going to protect his new family no matter the cost. Letting Melody have a few minutes to herself, Nick cleaned the kitchen to keep himself preoccupied. Finally as the last dish went into the dishwasher Nick walked into his room where Melody laid her hands on her swollen stomach.

“You think we’re having a boy?” Melody asked glancing at Nick who stood by the door.

Nick slowly walked over to the bed and gently sat down next to Melody. He placed his hand on top of hers and softly caressed her hand.

“It was just a guess.” Nick said with a shrug. “What do you think?”

“I hope it’s a girl.” Melody whispered.

“You do?” Nick asked.

This was the first Melody had opened up about the baby other than how much of a burden it was. Nick was so happy he almost cried as he sat there with Melody talking about their child.

“When I picture our future it’s always a girl.” Melody explained.

“I wouldn’t mind a little girl.” Nick said smiling. “She would be very spoiled.”

Melody thought about how loved their child was going to be. It was then that Melody realized they didn’t have to do this all on their own.

“I’m sorry I don’t love her yet.” Melody whispered her eyes watering again. “I want to but I’m just so sad all the time.”

Nick pulled Melody into his chest and rubbed her back while she cried.

“I want to love her.” Melody kept repeating. “It’s just so hard.”

“It’ll be alright baby.” Nick said kissing Melody softly on the forehead. “I think you should see someone about this depression. It’s not healthy for you or the baby.”

“Ok. We can try that.” Melody said quietly.

Nick felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders in that moment. Maybe now they could enjoy the pregnancy without adding anymore stress to their lives.