Didn't You Hear What I Said?

I first saw him at sixth grade and I knew I was attracted to him
in a not so friendly way. I was scared, hearing people around me detest
romantic interaction of the same sex so much. I knew not to act
on it. I knew too that he wouldn't have possibly liked me in such a way,
perhaps just in the telltale recesses of my dreams.

However, my infatuation didn't went away after many years have gone, not that
I did want it to. Worst thing was that my feelings went far deeper as I
have come to know the person that he is. We have many classes together when
we started high school. That's when he first learned that a certain Alex Gaskarth
actually existed.

I was so happy when he started hanging out with my crowd, it may not be that often but
he's there. He recognized my presence and even smile at me whenever our eyes
met. His eyes are sparkling like diamonds that makes my body shiver and my knees
give out that I had to use all my might not to make a fool of myself in front of the boy
I adore with all my heart.

We were now on our senior year and I am determined to tell him how I feel.
But as to how was the great problem I have come across. How could I possibly
confess to him when I find it hard to even utter a word at his presence, saying a
full sentence that would make sense was shamefully impossible.




I have tried, four failed attempts and here I am still barging on the fifth and what
I hope was the final one.

Classes let up and we started to walk out, we always went in the opposite direction
when we reach the gate after we had said our goodbyes, whispered and forced
on my part. And so things went pretty much the same, when he turned and have taken
a few steps I was frozen on my spot having an internal battle.

As he walked further away making the distance between us painfully longer
I made a brave move, with a trembling voice I called out his name.

"Jack..."

He stopped and turned slowly as if he was expecting it, tilting his head a little to the
side which I always find adorable, he gave me his famous half-smirk and with a raised brow he asked,

"Yeah?"

I gathered all of my strength to compose myself and said as loud as I possibly
could given the nerves that's gripping my throat like a wrench.

"I... I like you."

My heart was beating like the drums of war, deafening me with its loud thumping,
threatening to tear out of my chest with its fast and strong pulsing. I was holding
my breath that it burned my lungs as I wait for his reply.

"What did you say? I'm sorry I didn't hear you."

I felt like a mirror shattered into a million pieces. My heart crumpled and beaten, lost its lively rhythm.
I finally told him, finally had the courage to utter the words that I had been keeping
for almost six years and he failed to caught them. I'm such a joke.

Cold shivers run down my spine when I realized a menacing trick.
Did he really not heard me or...?




I didn't know who turned and walked away first, all I know was that I found myself
in the park sitting on my usual spot, rain pouring down my face soaking
me wet as I recount the events outside the school gates.

I knew it was loud enough to be heard but why did he say he did not?
Was it true or was he just giving excuses to avoid a confrontation?
Was this his polite way of turning me down without outright refusing me?
I'd rather he said it straight to my face that he wasn't interested than
make me think about things that would seriously get me nowhere.

My body shivered from the cold but I dare not stood up and walk away
to find comfort from the warmth of my home. I wanted to find answers to my
questions that were redundantly stirring inside my head like a broken record.

How could he not have heard me?




Three days have passed and things went as mundane as they could,
disappointingly so. Monday morning came and I was finding it hard to get
up. I have no resolute to go to school and watch his pretty face laugh and smile
at all those girls that always seem to surround him.

My faint heart could only take so much.

But hoping and wishing things would go my way never did appeal to the
person holding my fate. Moments later and my mother came knocking at my door and
I know that asking her to let me off today was a lost cause and so I got up, begrudging as it
may but I managed to put on my clothes and came down the stairs as I dragged my feet to
the kitchen were my mother was preparing my lunch.

"Here you go baby."

She handed me the bento she made as we were both fond of Japanese food and gave me 20
for the day. I scrunched my face at her endearment but knew not to argue because we could
be at it the whole day and I'd still end up being called baby. I'd rather if he called me baby,
that I wouldn't mind for sure.

I kissed mom goodbye and head out. I started to walk my way to school when I
heard a car horn went off. I looked over my shoulder and saw Kara waving her hand at me so
I let out a sigh and stopped at my spot waiting for the car to reach me. I smiled at Rian who was driving
and moved to take a spot on the backseat.

I almost screamed when I saw sparkling brown orbs staring at me as I lifted my gaze
from the road when I ducked to get in.

"Hey. Good morning."

"G-good morning Jack."

Dammit! I didn't need the stutter, gee thanks tongue way to go and made me look
much more idiotic. I was grumbling all through out the ride and when the car stopped
I saw him smirking at me, that usual way that always make my heart skip a beat.
That ass always riling me, getting me worked up and shit.

I bolted from the car after I said my thanks and went straight to the closest restroom
I could find. I couldn't believe that I got flushed just by his simple taunting smirk.
I always could get a hold of myself and kept my outbursting feelings in check.

Why was it different today?

And then I realized maybe because I have voiced out my true feelings for him,
though he may have heard it or feigned not to, I still said those words. And it made
me more conscious, more aware of him and his seducting ways.

I freed the air I didn't know I was holding and looked at my reflection straight
in the eyes.

"Get a hold of yourself Gaskarth. Put it together and man the fuck up!"

I stilled for a second when I thought that there was someone at the door
but then no one came in so I brushed it off. It would have been utterly embarrassing if someone
did heard me. And I'd be walking down the hall like a stuck up prick with a two by four stuck up his ass.

What a way to start the day.




Lunchtime came and I was in no mood to socialize so I decided to head to my next class,
the one in which I had with him. Deep sigh. I don't think I could handle more of him today.

I was left dead on my tracks as I saw no other than the great tease himself
perched on one of the tables scattered around the room. I couldn't possibly back out and retract when
he saw me as the door creaked when I opened it.

"Yo."

And he thought he was so cool, but honestly he was undoubtedly so. I just nodded,
noting that I recognized his greeting.

"Listen. What did you say to me a few days ago?"

I looked at him, incredulously I might add. He's seriously not asking me this now. Not here, not in the
solitude confines of this four cornered room. I felt imprisoned by his gaze that all I could do
was gulp the hunch I had in my throat. Someone up there might be seriously pissed at me,
why must this happen?

I decided that maybe this was another chance given by fate though, so
I did all I could to stare at him straight in the eyes, inhibitions set aside as I repeated my words,

"I like y-you..."

Ah, it wouldn't be me if the stutter wasn't present but that's beside the point,
right now all my attention was on him. What will he say now?
Would he detest me like most of the populace?

"I'm sorry, what was that? I can't hear you."

Seriously?!

Maybe his potentially deaf? That would be a laugh.

I just stared at him blankly, almost glaring when he just smirked at me. Who does he think he was?
If he's just playing with me, I would seriously punch him where it hurts.

He just sat there, all pretty and poised like the world was kneeling at his pleasure.
What a total prick, why did I even fell for this guy? But I guess
it's too late for reflecting on it now.

He lifted his right hand and moved one his index finger back and forth, coaxing me
to come closer. Oh, so now he think he could order me around but I didn't mean it,
I think my body's got a mind of its own as it willingly took some few steps closer, the closing
of the door reverberating through the expanse of the silent room.

"What did you say?"

"I... I said t-that I.. I-I like you..."

I gulped audibly, maybe now he heard it, right? Right.

He just looked at me expression unchanging. It gave an unsettling thud on my stomach as
he just repeated his movement and the stupid person that I am took even more steps
until I was standing two steps away from him.

"I said I like y-..."

It was so sudden, the act so out of place that I was cut off midsentence. He grabbed me
making me stumble and fall on him. Before I knew it, I was standing in between his
legs, face tucked in the crook of his neck as he sighed, hot breath tickling my ear as his chin
was leant on my shoulder. His arms around my waist tightened as he uttered softly,

"I like you too Alex."

He said it in an amused tone that I almost didn't believe him. I lifted my face and slowly pulled away
to look at him, fully aware of his breathtaking closeness, and so amusement was dancing in
his eyes, laughter dangling at his smirking lips that made the moment just so surreal.

"You ass!"

I called him out, playfully slapping his arm for the happiness that was bubbling inside
me was uncontainable. I could see fondness in his eyes,
which was always jubilant with mischief.

"How could I even believe you when your smi-"

I was cut off again, this time by soft lips that was crushing my own. My surprised gasp was
muffled as he moved and kissed me deeply. My once wide eyes were now closed, reveling the moment
in all its glory. The arms that were holding me close was gone and now fingers wove into my hair,
tilting my head for better and fluid movement as our lips tangoed with their own accord as if this was a usual thing.

My heart was thumping so loud that I failed to hear the embarrassing moan
I happen to let out. I felt Jack smiled against my lips and the action made me smile too.
I started to kiss him back and a shiver ran down my spine when I felt his tongue
flickered on my lower lip where he bit not a second ago.

I opened my mouth for him when his tongue pried the second time.
I was so lost in the dreamy bubble our passionate movements
had made that I almost failed to notice when his hands slip through my shirt,
fingers playing with the heated skin on my hips.

Then he brought his hand higher and a sharp gasp erupted from me when I felt his
cold hands brushed against my nipples. I was alarmed. We couldn't do this here!
Not in the school premises. Not when lunch break was almost over. I didn't dreamed to be seen
a withering moaning mess in the most erotic way by the stuck up students here at our school.

"Jack... we c-can't.. not... ngh.. n-not here..."

The prick that he is just answered me with his famous reply.

"I can't hear you."