Your Love Is the Sweetest Sin

I’ve spent the last weeks in this cold room, wishing he was here. I still don’t get used to waking up alone, seeing his side of the bed empty. I never noticed how much I need him, until now. His voice is music to my ears and his smile can make up for anything, as cheesy as that sounds. My whole life revolves around him, and now that I’m alone my life is upside down.

I open the top drawer, his black Chicago Bulls wristband, I smile taking it.
Sundays usually suck because the programming on TV is really lame and I have no friends. Being home is not how I would like to spend the day, sitting up right by the phone, staring loosely at the TV screen with a bowl of chips next to me and Baby in my lap; months ago I would’ve said only losers spend time like that but sadly for me the last five weeks have been the same for me. My phone starts vibrating and eventually ringing in the small table in front of me, and I being the dumbass I am drop the chips and make a total mess just to answer without checking the caller ID.

“I miss you so much baby.”

The voice chuckles “I guess I’ve missed you too.”

Yeah that’s right, it’s Jason, oh what a surprise. “I’m sorry I thought you we-“

“Adam” he blurts cutting me off.

“Yeah, I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok, I was just wondering if you would like to come over to watch a movie and have dinner?”

“You know, I don’t feel like going out.” I mumble as I kneel to pick up the crumbled mess.

“You have to come, please, we’re not going out, it’ll be like hanging in, I haven’t seen in a long time.”

I giggle “I’m sure it was just a few days ago.”

“But still I miss you.”

Maybe it’s not a bad idea, everyone need some distraction every once in a while and I’m sure I can settle for a wrenching plot and mouth-watery recipes “Ok, why not?”

“I’ll be waiting.”

The scorching fresh breeze plays with my hair while I trudge down the Chicago streets, I pull on the hood.

“What in the world took you so long?” He took my hoodie. “Did you walk all the way here?”

“Yeah, I needed some fresh air, plus it’s a good exercise” I add with a smile.

“But it’s freezing, look you’re nose is red.” After good ten minutes, we agree to watch The Hand that Rocks the Cradle. Halfway through the movie, I notice his eyes over me with a coy smile “What?”

“Nothing”

“Stop staring”

“Why? I like staring at you.”

He chuckles and I feel the blood rising slowly coloring my cheeks, my eyes get lost in his gaze. Our lips touch softly, shyly. I find myself kissing him back until we lay on the floor. Something inexplicable seizes me. Our shirts fly across the room and the jeans joining them. I moan softly feeling his hips against mine and his lips smiling upon my own. My fingers work his hair as his hungry kisses trail my neck. “I want you badly” His voice sends shivers to my spine. His skin against mine feels so good, “I love you Adam.”

“What?” His hot breathe on my neck makes me reflex on what I’m doing, my eyes fill up with tears, my lips start trembling and my voice cracks “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I can’t do it.”

“What?” His hands stop and by the look on his face I can tell that he is more than frustrated. “Why are you crying now?”

“Adam is your brother, I can’t do this to him, he doesn’t deserve this” I mourn pushing him off and start to pick up my clothes.

“You can’t leave me like this” I pull on my jeans.

“I shouldn’t have come here in first place, I’m sorry, this was a mistake.”

“You can’t just leave me here, like this and pretend nothing happened, we were about to have sex.”

“But It didn’t happen.”

“Then what were we about to do?”

“It was just a huge mistake. Are you going to tell Adam?”

“That depends”

“Depends on what?”

“If you are nice with me, he won’t have to know about this.” He says with a nonchalant tone.

“I am not going to sleep with you to keep your mouth shut. I’m going to tell Adam as soon as I get to see him.”

“Really? And what do you think he will say? I don’t think he’ll like to know that you tried to get in my pants.”

“What? That didn’t happen; it was a mistake that didn’t get any farther.”

“Do whatever you want, but if you walk out that door you’ll be sorry.” I grab my clothes from the floor and I hurried out of the house.

I stop a cab; the driver greets me with a blithe smile. I incline my head against the window with a vague stare, the blue cover starts taking a nice gray hue. I rub my arms trying to warm up with all that I forgot my sweater.

“Excuse me lady” the driver’s husky voice “It seems that something is wrong, may I help you?”

I took my hands to my head leaving them there for a long time, after staring the sky, an exasperating blue, I shut my eyes close. Adam’s picture comes to my head.

“I insist. Is there anything that I can do for you?” I stare at him trough the mirror tightlipped “Is there anything I can do for you?” His voice echoes in my head.

I shake my head smiling. “Thanks, anyways.”

When I try to pay the driver refuses to accept my money “I can’t take it Miss. I saw you cry and couldn’t help you.”

I smile and get out of the car, silently. I slowly walk up to the door and struggle with the keys to open it. As soon as I shut the door in the warm house, I slump behind the door and the tears that I was holding back start dropping, sliding down my face.