Splinters

Remus leaned over his new star journal for Astronomy, doodling in the margins absentmindedly. It had been one of his better days; it was halfway through the month and a small sliver of the waning moon peeked in through the window he sat near in the library. It was nearing curfew, but he had lost track of time. He continued to sketch out a cratered moon and the snout of a drooling werewolf, adding little details that made them come alive. The little drawings made him feel slightly nauseous.

He was getting a little hungry. Sirius and James had been at a late Quidditch practice and he didn’t feel like facing the Great Hall with only Peter’s company and Snape’s glares. Like it was honestly his fault about what had happened the last full moon. He shivered at the thought and ran the tip of his quill’s feather along a scar under his jaw.

Merlin, Sirius had been idiotic about that. If James hadn’t realized how completely moronic and dangerous it could be for Snape, Remus could’ve very well had become a killer that night.

With thoughts of Sirius circling in Remus’s mind, his quill scratched out a head with a strong, handsome jaw underneath the werewolf’s snout. Just as he was attempting to copy the perfect wave of the Gryffindor boy’s hair, two mugs of a steaming dark brown liquid were set on the table. He looked up to find Sirius and after a moment’s hesitation, shut the journal, groaning internally that the ink would smudge and his hard work would be in vain.

“I’ve been looking for you,” Sirius said with a small frown playing on his lips. He was still in his Quidditch gear. He slid into the seat across from Remus and handed him one of the mugs.

Remus took a cautious sip, knowing of Sirius’s bad habit of pranking people, but found it to contain a rich hot chocolate that was probably made from Honeyduke’s. He gave Sirius a weary smile. “And to think we made the Marauder’s Map for nothing.”

The other boy stuck out his tongue as he folded his hands behind his head and leaned back in his seat, tipping it on its hind legs. “James was using it to spy on Evans, and I couldn’t pry it from his hands even if I tried.”

They shared a chuckle and sipped at their hot chocolate simultaneously. Stars danced in Sirius’s dark eyes over the rim of the mug and Remus could feel his face grow warm. Hot chocolate often reminded Remus of Sirius’s eyes, steamy dark brown swirling around, their depths making just about anyone in their gaze warm up a few degrees.

“So,” he said conversationally, placing his mug carefully back down next to his journal, “how was practice?”

His friend shrugged. “Same old, same old. McDuff went on a rampage and James was a show-off for the few girls that actually came to watch.”

“Let me guess: Lily wasn’t around this time again?”

Sirius snorted. “Of course not. Evans is smarter than normal girls.”

Remus grinned. “Good for her.” His grin tightened around the edges. “Any of your fan girls stop by the pitch?”

“Yeah, but James has been trying to steal them away from me to make a point that he’s obviously more desirable so Evans should obviously fall in love with him.” He leaned forward and let the chair’s legs fall to the floor with a thump. “Think they have a chance?”

“I have no idea in the slightest,” Remus answered seriously. “Maybe if James got his head out of his arse.”

Sirius gave a bark of laughter. “Who knows, maybe that day is just around the corner.” He licked the rim of his mug and Remus’s eyes flickered with heat for a split second.

For some reason, he always had to remind himself that Sirius was his best friend.

“And thus the world will end,” Sirius added, a smirk sharpening his features in the dim light.

“And thus the world will end,” Remus echoed. He’d just realized how close Sirius’s face was to his own, his sharp scent of grass and leather and sweat and chocolate clouding Remus’s senses. He licked his bottom lip as nervous energy blossomed in his stomach and spread through his entire body.

Without thinking, Remus scooted forward in his seat, closing a little bit of the distance between them. Was this really going to happen? After years of imagining it, was he really going to kiss Sirius? His breath hitched in his throat and he took a shuddering breath.

Sirius’s eyes had suddenly clouded over and he was leaning closer… closer… just a little bit closer and their lips would touch, and the world really would end. A wormhole would suck everything up and everything would cease to exist. And it would be beautiful and terrifying and Remus couldn’t bring himself to close the gap that was still too large.

“Curfew in a few minutes, everyone get out!” Madam Pince screeched at some students from across the library.

Sirius’s head snapped back and his dark eyes cleared. “Ah, Merlin’s balls. Well, come on, Moony, we better head on out.” He stood and grabbed up his mug.

Remus stood also, barely able to conceal his shaking. “Go on without me, I’ll be right there.” He motioned weakly to the mess of books that covered the table.

His friend gave a sharp nod with his head and picked up Remus’s mug. “I’ll put your hot chocolate on your bed stand.”

“Thanks,” Remus whispered to his retreating back and began to pack his rucksack, choosing to ignore the splitting pain coming from his chest. That had been close. So close. He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, a bad habit he had picked up from James. So, so close.

Once all his things were gathered, he slipped past a fuming Madam Pince and sprinted to Gryffindor tower. He mumbled the password to the Fat Lady and climbed through the portrait hole and hurried through the Common Room, ignoring a few fellow Gryffindors’ greetings. He ran the whole way up the winding staircase to his dormitory and only stopped when he came to the closed door.

He took a deep breath. How would it be in there? Would it be awkward? Would they just act like nothing ever happened? Truly, nothing had happened, but was that good or bad? Bracing himself, he opened the door. The only ones in there were Peter and Sirius. Peter was letting out his small, squeaking snores, obviously asleep. Sirius was breathing deeply, too deeply to be really asleep.

Remus let out a sigh, and felt his pounding heart shatter into millions of tiny splinters that prickled in his chest as tears prickled his eyes. He tossed his rucksack on top of his trunk and without changing his clothes, climbed into his four poster bed, pulled the curtains, and forced himself into a troubled sleep.