True Love

I stopped breathing. He didn’t need to have someone else taken away from him. I tightened my hand around his and he squeezed my hand.

‘are you .. Are you here to take her away?’ he said shakily but her held it together.

‘well not exactly, please take a seat.’ Mr King said politely.

‘No! I don’t wanna take a seat!’ I pulled Justin over by his hand and looked at him, as if to say ‘ calm down’ as we took a seat.

The young couple sat opposite us.

‘This is Marie and Ross. They fit the entire criteria that you submitted to the agency’ They both held their hands out for us to shake as King talked. I shook them first and then nudged Justin to. Grudgingly he did.

‘Now, Marie and Ross are happy to take her right now’ Justin clenched his fists, ‘or whenever suits you, as long as it is within 2 weeks’ Mr King nodded. Justin released his fists.

‘Is it okay if I ask them a few questions?’ I asked politely. They all nodded. I turned to Marie and Ross.

‘so where do you guys live?’

‘we live up here in Canada’ they smiled. I felt mine and Justin’s hearts sink. We Didn’t live here any more, we lived in Atlanta.

‘so would you be happy to set up an arrangement for Justin to be able to see her sometimes?’ I smiled pleadingly.

They both nodded their head’s vigorously.’ oh yes of course! And we understand that you two live in Atlanta? Because we would be totally fine with her coming down maybe for a week in the summer sometimes?’

Justin face lit up. ‘really?’

They nodded laughing. I looked over at him grinning, he grinned back.

‘well, you see my Mom just … she just died like 2 hours ago’ all of their faces dropped. But Marie and Ross smiled sympathetically. ‘we’re so sorry’ Marie said softly patting Justin’s shoulder. I liked these two. They seemed like really nice people.

‘thank you, but well I don’t really want to have her lying in this hospital for ages. She hated hospitals, so I was planning on holding the funeral tomorrow afternoon and then scattering her ashes at one of her favourite places. Would it be okay if I got to take Lexi with me to the funeral and spreading of the ashes, since was her Grandma?’ he asked shyly.

Woooah he wanted to plan a funeral in like 4 hours? I mean it was already 5 in the morning, don’t you have to give people notice for these kinds of things? I suppose everyone loved Pattie, the funeral would be huge.

‘I think that’s a wonderful idea’ Marie smiled.

‘Alright then, Mr and Mrs Green will come pick Lexi up tomorrow at your house Molly’ Mr King smiled. We hugged them all goodbye and put a sleeping Molly in her crib. I turned to look at Justin. He was lying along the bed on his phone.

‘whatcha doing?’ I said softly as I sat down next to him.

‘planning my Mom’s funeral’ I didn’t exactly know how to respond to that. ‘sorry that was a little uncalled for, you can’t really reply to that can you?’ he laughed.

I shook my head smiling. ‘are you okay?’ I asked him gently.

He nodded, ‘yeah, saying goodbye actually helped. It was kinda like closure’ he smiled.

‘it was really nice, you know everything that you said. I liked the bit where you basically gave me permission to pelt you with ping pong balls when you’re sick’ I laughed resting my head on his shoulder. He put his arm around me laughing.

‘I said nothing of the sort’ he laughed.

‘what about all this stuff with Lexi?’

‘it’s what we planned right?’

‘yeah … but it doesn’t make it any easier’

‘…. well’ he sighed, ‘I knew this was gonna happen sometime. I didn’t expect everything to happen all at one time, but it did and I’m dealing with it bit by bit. Marie and Ross seem really nice, I like the idea of seeing Lexi every summer. I know I’m her Dad and everything but I want Ross to be her Daddy, he’s adopting her, he should get that privilege. So up until they choose to tell her she’s adopted, I’m gonna be cool uncle Justin’ he laughed. I burst out laughing as well.

‘how’s the funeral going?’ I asked quietly.

‘pretty good, Scooters doing most of the organising, I’m just emailing him things want in the service’

‘oh yeah? Like what?’

‘well pink carnations, they were her favourite flowers and just like where it’s taking place and stuff’ he said softly.

‘I’m sure it’ll be really nice’ I smiled.

Slowly I fell asleep on his shoulder as he finished up arranging the funeral.

***

The funeral was scheduled for 3 in the afternoon. Justin and I got up at 8, getting food for the funeral, buying a dress for Lexi, getting the urn and getting ourselves ready. Justin was remarkably strong through it all. Everyone paid their respects as they came in. the church was packed with about 200 people including us.

The service started with the priest reading passages. I held Lexi with one arm and held Justin’s hand with the other hand. Halfway through I saw a tear fall down his cheek, but he wiped it away so fat that no one else saw. I managed to keep it together but some of the other guests were crying.

Justin had organised it to be more of a celebration of her life, that grieving her loss. There were pictures of her smiling everywhere, her favourite flowers filled the room and some of her favourite songs were played. To close the ceremony Justin got up to say a few words. I squeezed his hand just as he got up, he smiled down at me. He walked up to the front.

‘Hi everyone, so I’m just gonna say a few words if that’s okay’ he smiled as everyone nodded.

‘I think we can all agree that my Mom was a very lovable person. Probably the most recent evidence of this was when I brought my daughter Lexi and my girlfriend Molly up to see her. She wouldn’t stop gushing over how gorgeous they both were’ he laughed and smiled right at me. He had never told me that before. ‘she had known Molly for a long time, since we were both roughly four and when I walked in the door carrying Lexi the first thing she said was ‘I knew you’d end up with Molly’ I smiled. ‘she always loved her, she loved each and every one of you all with all of her heart and she was looking forward to loving Lexi. Unfortunately she isn’t going to get the chance. Well not physically. But a wise person once told me that even if you don’t believe in god or even magic there must be a place we all go when we die’ he winked at me as I grinned. Tears were welling in my eyes as he continued.

‘and that wise person was right. My mom will be watching over us all, taking care of us, fussing over us all as she always did. And on behalf of us all here today, Mom we’re really gonna miss you. And on behalf of my Mom, thank you for coming’ he nodded and walked back to his seat as a song played and everyone left.

Justin, Lexi and I all stood, saying goodbye to everyone and the priest handed Justin the urn. I wasn’t too sure about how I felt having Justin carry his Mom in a jar. We walked out to the car.

‘Justin what are you doing?’ I smiled as he sat the urn in the back seat of my car next to Lexi. ‘well where did you want me to put her, the trunk?’ he laughed.

‘well no, but why are you strapping her in?’ I smiled as I sat in the passenger seat and Justin got in the drivers. As of yet I didn’t know where he was gonna scatter her ashes.

‘ I didn’t really fancy hovering my mum up of the floor of your car’ he smiled. I laughed. This was good, he was managing to smile and laugh. Yeah, his mom had died yesterday, but she wasn’t the kind of person to cry over things. She was like me, she laughed them off.

Half an hour later we pulled up at a lake. We hopped out of the car and I pushed Lexi in her pram as Justin carried the urn. He led us to a little bridge.

‘This is lovely’ I smiled at him.

‘it was my Mom’s favourite place to go with me. I learned to swim in this lake and we used to skip rocks, spit off this bridge. You must remember coming for picnics here with us?’ he smiled. It all came back to me. We used to come here camping and on picnics all the time when we were younger.

‘I do!’ I grinned.

He nodded, ‘ I thought this would be the perfect place’ he smiled.

‘you ready?’ I nodded.

He nodded back and took the lid off of the urn. He was about to throw her ashes when I realised something.

‘stop!’ I screamed. He jumped.

‘what? What is it?!’

‘well the way you’re facing the wind is blowing back to you and you’ll get ashes all over you’ I shrugged and smiled.

He grinned, ‘good thinking batman’

He turned around, took the lid off again and threw the whole urn in the river.

‘Justin!’ I laughed.

‘that wasn’t right was it?’ he smiled.

‘no, I don’t think you’re meant to throw the pot in!’ I laughed.

‘ah well, my mom probably expected me to muck this up somehow’ he smiled.

‘I can imagine her laughing right now’ I grinned as we walked back to the car.

Justin started the car. ‘wait!’ I shouted.

‘what now?!’ he laughed.

‘well today’s our last day with Lexi, so why don’t we get a picture with her here? It’s a nice day’ I smiled.

‘I like that idea’ he grinned. We got out the car and set the camera on his phone to the timer. 10 seconds later the flash went off. It turned out to be an amazing picture. We drove back to my house in silence. We had spent so much time at the lake that we would have to give Lexi away as soon as we got home.

We pulled up in my drive and Marie and Ross were already there.

‘Hi guys’ I smiled as I grabbed Lexi from the car. Justin locked it up as I led them into my house.

‘do you mind if I just say goodbye to her? You guys can grab a drink or something from the fridge if you want?’ I smiled at them. They nodded and went into the kitchen. I sat down opposite Lexi’s chair.

‘well Alexis, I guess this is goodbye. But it’s only for a little bit, we’re getting to see you in the summer! Yay!’ I laughed as she giggled. ‘okay so those people? That’s Marie and Ross, they’re really nice and they’re gonna take good care of you. But when you’re older and they don’t let a friend stay over, or your boyfriend breaks up with you then you can always come and find me and Justin and stay with us if you want’ I smiled as tears welled in my eyes.

‘She’s not gonna have a boyfriend til she’s 40’ I heard Justin laugh from behind me.

‘She can have one whenever she wants!’ I laughed. ‘oh and Lexi, if a guy has broken up with his girlfriend, do not sleep with him and get yourself pregnant. Because well first of all you might not get a baby as good as you aaaand I’m pretty sure Justin here would literally kill you’ I laughed as Justin did. ‘well goodbye honey’ I kissed her cheek and stood up.

‘I’ll let you say bye to her yourself’ I smiled at Justin and walked out to the garden. I needed some air. It was a nice night, all of the stars were out. I climbed up to the tree-house and lay down on the floor. When we were younger Justin and I had decided to rip the roof of the tree house so that we could see the stars. And truth be told it had a great view of them. I looked around at the wooden walls. There were so many things written on them.

There were marks on the wall where we used to measure ourselves. Outlines on the wall where we had drawn around ourselves. Molly and Justin Best friends was written everywhere. There were handprints on all of the walls from when we stole bright blue paint from my dad’s shed and decided to redecorate. There was chunk missing for the back wall from where we had been walking around in my dad’s big shoes and needless to say I had fallen. I ended up having to go to hospital and get a huge chunk of wood removed from my head and get it stitched up. It was just above my right eye so I had a bandage that nearly covered my eye. The next day Justin had brought in peg legs, pirate hats and an eye patch for him and we played pirates til it was time for me to leave the hospital.

I laughed as I remembered that story. Suddenly Justin popped his head up.

‘what the hell are you doing up here?’ he laughed.

‘Looking at the stars’ I smiled moving over so he could lie next to me. ‘is that Lexi away?’

‘yeah … but we’re seeing her in the summer so .. It could be worse’ he smiled. ‘oh my god there’s that chunk missing from the wall that ended up in your head!’ he sat up laughing.

‘yupp, good times’ I laughed as he went over and felt it.

‘we had some amazing times in here’ he smiled. ‘haha look’ he smiled standing up to read something we had written.

‘Boys have cooties! - Molly (aged 6), Girls are icky - Justin (aged 6)’ I laughed as I read it out.

‘Boys do not have cooties!’ he laughed punching my arm.

‘girls aren’t icky!’ I laughed punching him back.

‘Can you imagine what that Molly and Justin would say if they could see us now!’ I laughed as I sat back down.

‘hey do you know what today is?’ he smiled as he sat opposite me. I shook my head.

‘today is our 1 year anniversary’ he laughed.

My jaw dropped. ‘shut up! A whole year?’

‘yeah’ he nodded.

I whistled, ‘what a year!’

‘I know right? It didn’t exactly start off well’ he laughed.

‘oh yeah there was the Donny thing, not such a good start’

‘I had to carry you home, you were that wasted!’ he laughed.

‘shut up! You know it was like right about then that I realised that I liked you’ I laughed blushing.

‘n’aaaaaw’ he laughed.

‘shut up!’

‘I think I realised I liked you when I like first saw you again’ he smiled.

‘cute, but when I first saw you I wanted to kill you’ I winked. ‘now back to the story’

‘well then you broke your leg’

‘and you sat and read all of those magazines and learned the word Boma’ I laughed.

‘yeah then we got you home and I had to carry you about everywhere’ he laughed rolling his eyes.

‘then I thought someone was breaking into my house but it was really just you smashing up shit because you had to move back to Atlanta’

‘we crashed that golf buggy at the airport!’ he sat up laughing.

‘then I broke that girl’s foot with my crutch!’ I burst out laughing and sat up next to him’

‘oh yeah!’ he laughed. ’didn’t we go to the VMA’s that night?’

I nodded, ’and everyone signed my cast and we all got wasted at yours’

‘then that’s the night that you kissed me!’ he laughed.

‘no! no way did I make the first move, you kissed me!’ I laughed.

‘nah it was definitely you’ he smiled.

‘we recorded the song’ I grinned.

‘then that’s when you pretended to be my girlfriend!’ he grinned.

‘yeah and then you beat up Dylan!’ my jaw dropped as I remembered.

‘oooooh yeeeeah’ he nodded smiling proudly. I punched his arm. ‘buuut that’s also the night we started going out!’ he smiled.

‘aw yeeah’ I smiled. ‘then we went camping and that bitch Caitlin came’ I groaned narrowing my eyes.

‘and then there was Mandy’ Justin shuddered as he said her name. I burst out laughing.

‘Mandy was something else’ I smiled. ‘aaw and then we met Lucy!’

‘aaw she was sweet, then we did the prank’ he laughed.

‘then we broke up … and you fucked Caitlin’ I narrowed my eyes at him.

‘buuut we got back together!’ he smiled nervously.

‘then had that oh so pleasant meeting with Caitlin in the airport’ I smiled sarcastically.

‘then we went to Egypt!’

‘then we bumped into her again and I got put in jail!’

‘and I got you out! And you came with me to Lexi’s first scan’

‘Then there was Barbra!’ I grinned.

‘oh my god Barbra! Who could forget her?’ he laughed. ‘remember you had to rescue her from that little shit in the waiting room?’

‘oh yeah’ I narrowed my eyes. ‘ ew remember that video?’

‘how could I forget?’ he laughed. ‘ then we had to pass Christian of as a Hispanic singing maid’

I burst out laughing, ‘I completely forgot about that!’ my face turned serious, ‘then you found out about Lexi being given away and almost killed Christian for pushing me’ I laughed.

‘yeeeeah, then I shouted at you and you stole my thunder and camped out on the beach’ he smiled.

I nodded, ‘ then we interviewed all of the families, and we liked Buzz and Ella because of their cookies’ I laughed.

‘and then I had to go on tour with Jessica and you guys decorated the house for Christmas’ he smiled as he tangled his fingers with mine.

‘ooooh then I got stabbed … and survived’ I smiled nodding my head proudly.

His hands tightened, ‘and I couldn’t be there because I got stuck in the arctic’

‘but you came back, dressed as an Eskimo!’ I laughed.

He smiled, ‘and then I tried to kill Christian … again’ he laughed.

‘then I got my new car! And my ring from you!’

‘and we all went sledding’ he laughed.

‘and then the next day I ploughed my car into like 12 feet of snow’ I laughed, ‘Just as Lexi was being born’

‘but you made it in time and named her’ he smiled.

‘oh yeah, I forgot I came up with Lexi’ I laughed. ‘then I had that brief stay in Scotland’

‘oh yeah! And you hated Dean’

‘ I kinda still do’ I narrowed my eyes at him.

He sighed. ‘ then you got emancipated’ he smiled at me.

I nodded grinning, ‘ then we went on Keith Lemon’s show, that was good!’ I laughed.

‘yeah you told everyone I had a third leg!’ he laughed. ‘oooh, now who could forget the Just Can’t Get Enough video?’ he winked laughing.

‘Evidently not you’ I laughed.

‘not in that sailor suit’ he winked. ‘then … there was prom’ he looked down.

‘and the whole Donny thing’ I said quietly.

‘But then there were you and Ryan’s amazing attempts to wake me up!’ he laughed.

‘yeah they were medical breakthroughs’ I laughed back. ‘the first word you spoke was awimbaway!’

He nodded, ‘ then we went to Africa that was …’

‘amazing’ I smiled and nodded, ‘ then there was the second Donny incident …’ I looked down.

‘yeah, No more Mom and no more Lexi’ he shook his head.

‘I know, it wasn’t fair for it to all come at the same time. But you did amazing with Lexi and your speech was beautiful at the service’ I smiled.

‘thanks’ he said quietly. ‘it just feels like everyone’s being taken away from me’

‘I’m not going anywhere’ I smiled. He smiled back.

‘what a year!’ he laughed.

‘it was pretty amazing’ I smiled.

He rummaged around in his pocket, ‘hey look what I have!’ he grinned bringing out a packet of something.

‘what’s that?’

‘all of the photos from this year that we meant to put on your wall’ he smiled. I grabbed them from his and started to flick through them.

‘but that’s not all that was in this pocket’ he smiled he helped me up and grabbed something out and kneeled back on the floor. I was too busy looking at the photos to notice.

‘Molly?’ he said smiling. I looked up from the photos for a minute and my eyes widened when I saw him down on one knee.

‘Justin?’ I laughed nervously.

‘Sooo we’ve been through so much together and I literally can’t live with out you, so I was wondering …’ he looked down.

‘Justin!’ I shouted laughing a little.

‘Will you marry me?’ he grinned.

I pretended to think it over and stretched it out as far as I could. I could see him starting to get worried.

‘Of course I will!’ I laughed as he stood up to kiss me. I broke away and he put the ring on my finger.

‘dude, I seriously didn’t know what you were gonna say!’ he laughed and put his arms around my waist.

‘seriously?’ I laughed as he nodded. Something behind him caught my eye. There was a crayon lying in the corner of the tree house. I walked over and picked it up so could write in what seemed to be the only space left on the walls.

I smiled and I heard Justin laugh behind me as I took the bright green crayon and wrote ‘Molly and Justin Bieber’ in a love heart, then at the side I wrote ‘ Justin and Molly - aged 16’