The Middle

Ever since I hung up on Pat yesterday, I couldn’t help but feel like there was something important he wanted to ask me. Of course, it didn’t help that Ryan was constantly asking me when I was going to call him back.

I tried to find a place to stay, but I didn’t try too hard. I was hoping to get away with staying with Ryan in the hospital, much like I did until I had to move in with Pat. This was a trying time for both me and Ryan. I didn’t know what was going to come of this new treatment. I was trying to stay strong for Ryan, but on the inside, I was terrified.

I woke up and noticed that Ryan was still sleeping. I decided to sneak into the shower that was attached to Ryan’s room. I didn’t know what the procedure was today, so I figured I should get an early start on things. So I quickly hopped in the shower, hoping I didn’t wake Ryan up.

When I left the bathroom, dressed and showered, Ryan was awake and sitting up on his bed eating his breakfast. He smiled at me as I closed the bathroom door.

“I asked for some extra toast for you. I thought you’d be hungry when you got up.”

I smiled at my little brother, always thinking of others before himself.

“Thanks buddy.”

I walked over and sat beside his bed and grabbed a piece of toast.

Just as I was finished eating, a nurse came in and told Ryan and I that he’d be getting his first treatment in just over an hour from then. Ryan looked at me with a look that had a hint of fear in it. When the nurse left, he whispered in my ear.

“Can I call Pat before I go?”

I wasn’t expecting that, but a part of me should have. Ryan can become really attached to Pat, and wanted him in his life, no matter how much longer he had. I wasn’t really in the right frame of mind to phone Pat at that moment, but I knew it would make Ryan happy, so I nodded my head and dialed his number. It didn’t take long for him to answer.

“Claire? Is everything okay? How’s Ryan?”

I had to smile. The man truly cared about my little brother, and I loved that about him.

“Everything’s fine, Pat. Someone wanted to talk to you.”

I was about to give the phone to Ryan, but Pat called out my name.

“Yes, Pat?”

“When I’m done talking to Ryan, could we talk? I don’t like the way our phone call went yesterday.”

I sighed. This is what I was afraid of. I didn’t want to talk about last night. I wanted to forget about the phone call. I wanted to go back to the way things were. I regretted not telling Pat about leaving, but it was for the best for everyone involved, Pat included. Nevertheless, I agreed.

“Yes, Pat. We can talk when you’re done with Ryan. Here he is, he’s anxious to talk to you.”

I handed the phone to Ryan and watched his eyes light up as Pat responded on the other end. A piece of my heart ached seeing that. I wished that Pat could be here for him. Ryan would love that. I was off in my own little world in my head, I didn’t notice Ryan holding the phone out for me to take. I looked up at Ryan’s face and noticed his eyes were watery. There went the heartache again. I didn’t know what I could do to make this better for him. I thought coming here was best for him, but I was beginning to second guess that. I took the phone from Ryan.

“Hey, Pat.”

I heard him sigh.

“He’s really worried about this, isn’t he?”

I ran my hand through my hair before answering.

“Yea, but he’ll be fine. He’s a strong boy. He just wanted to talk to you before he went in for his first treatment in a few minutes.”

Before I finished that sentence, the nurse came back in the room and Ryan knew that was his cue. I told Pat to hang on for a minute as I walked over to Ryan after he got off the bed.

“You’ll be okay, buddy. I’ll be right here for you when you get out.”

He nodded and a small smile appeared on his face. I gave him a hug and whispered to him.

“I love you.”

He pulled away and repeated those three words before following the nurse out the door. I walked back over to the bed and picked the phone up where I set it down.

“Sorry, Pat. Ryan just left for his treatment.”

“It’s okay. So, about last night.”

“Look Pat, I don’t really wanna talk about it. I can’t tell you how sorry I am for not telling you that we were leaving, but I did what I thought was best for everyone, including you.”

I heard him sigh once again.

“I understand that. I just thought that, with the way you got off the phone, you were mad at me for blowing up at you.”

“I’m not mad at you. The nurse that was on the night shift last night was cranky and asked me to get off my cell phone.” I hoped he didn’t notice the hesitance in my voice. I wasn’t mad at him, I was afraid. Afraid of what he wanted to ask me, and afraid of what my reaction would be.

“Oh…. Okay. I don’t really believe you, but I’ll let it slide for now. So what are you going to do now while Ryan’s in treatment? Did you find a place to stay?”

I fidgeted with the corner of the blanket that was on Ryan’s hospital bed while I answered.

“No, I didn’t. I’m probably just going to go down to the cafeteria and find something to eat then come back up here and watch tv. The nurses here understand that since we’ll only be here for three weeks, it’s not necessary for me to purchase a hotel room or rent a house or anything crazy like that. They’re letting me stay here.”

“Oh, well that’s good then. Okay, well I just wanted to clear the air on whether you were mad at me or not. I gotta get ready to head off to the optional skate. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

I had one last question before I let him go.

“Oh.. okay. Hey Pat?”

“Yea..?”

“What question did you want to ask me?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pat’s POV

I felt my breath get caught in the back of my throat. I didn’t think she remembered that I wanted to ask her something if I was to see her last night. Finally, I managed to get a couple words out.

“Uhh.. it’s not important.”

She scoffed. Clearly that answer wasn’t the one she was looking for.

“Come on, Pat. Clearly it was important. You went and bought my favourite food and wanted to surprise me with it. Or am I just reading into this all wrong?”

I didn’t want to say the wrong thing, but it wasn’t a question I wanted to ask her over the phone. Rather than make it so she’d keep asking me every time we talked, I took what I thought was the easy way out.

“I don’t know what to tell you. It’s not important. It can wait til you get home. I bought your favourite food, yes, that was a treat for you. But the question wasn’t all that important.”

I heard her sigh, and could picture her running her fingers through her hair.

“Well, I guess that answers that then. I’ll talk to you later. Have fun at the optional skate and I’ll see you in three weeks.”

I tried to say goodbye, but just like the night before she hung up on me. This time, however, I knew I had fucked up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Claire’s POV

I didn’t know what came over me. I was so mad at Pat. More than that, I was mad at myself for believing that he actually wanted to ask me out on another date. He probably wanted to ask me to move out of his apartment. I needed to clear my head, so I stuck to what I told Pat I was going to do and walked through the hospital to the cafeteria. Of course, not knowing where anything is in this hospital, I had to ask for directions.

I didn’t want to ask someone who worked in the hospital, because I opted out of the tour when we arrived at the hospital. Thankfully, I found someone in the hallway not too far from Ryan’s room. I smiled at him and walked up to him.

“Hi, Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you knew where the cafeteria was. I opted out of the tour last night after my long flight from Chicago.”

I didn’t mean to say so much, but I got lost in this man’s eyes. I couldn’t help but think he looked familiar somehow. I wasn’t sure where I’d seen him before, but I knew I had. It was just a matter of my brain working to tell me before I sounded like an idiot and asked him his name.

“Uh, yea. I’m pretty sure I know where it is. I was just on my way there myself, I have a tiny break before I go to a luncheon and I need a little something to nibble on before I go.”

I smiled and followed his lead. I figured he was just going to show me where it was in silence, since I interrupted him in his travels, but he managed to talk to me during the walk.

“So, I’m thinking sandwich or soup, what about you?”

I looked over at him with a raised eyebrow. He seemed a little taken aback by that and quickly tried to retract his question.

“Uh.. sorry. Are you not allowed to eat either of those? I’m sorry if I offended you at all, I just…”

I couldn’t help but begin to chuckle in the middle of his sentence. That was his cue to raise his eyebrow. I shook my head.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh at you. It’s just that no one usually sees me in a hospital and starts off a conversation like that. I appreciate it, actually. I’m so used to people asking me ‘what brings you to the hospital?’ and I like the change.”

He let out a sigh of relief. I decided to break the ice a little more.

“I’m thinking soup, to answer your question.”

We both shared a smirk. He held out his hand.

“I’m Jordan.”

Jordan…..Pittsburgh… Holy Crap! He’s Jordan Staal!...okay, calm down, Claire. It’s only a hockey player. You weren’t like this around Pat. Calm down. I was having an inner freak out as I extended my own hand to shake his.

“Claire, nice to meet you.”

He smiled. “Well, I think we’re lost. That, or we passed it.”

I looked around, hoping to see another set of doors that looked like they would lead to a cafeteria or anything. Jordan and I found ourselves in a hallway that led to nowhere. I look over to her and wanted to say that I agreed with him, but I saw that he on the phone. He didn’t take long. As soon as he hung up, he grabbed my arm lightly.

“It’s good to have connections around here sometimes. Come with me.”

I was a bit shocked for a second. Then my mind reminded me who I was running through the halls of the hospital with and I caught on pretty quick. We found an elevator and went down 2 floors. Jordan told me that whoever he was talking to on the phone told him that the best cafeteria was on the 2nd floor.

Getting off the elevator, I noticed that Jordan’s friend was right. The cafeteria was really close to the elevator. It was huge, almost like a buffet. I looked up at Jordan and smirked. I was going to have fun with this. He put his large hand on the small of my back and looked down at me.

“Well, shall we?”

I nodded and we walked in. I picked out a salad, that I could make myself with all my favourite fixings, while Jordan grabbed a sandwich of some sort on rye bread. He was already sitting at a table while I was putting the dressing on my salad. I walked over the cash register. The lady raised her eyebrow at me.

“You want to pay for that twice?”

I cocked my head to the side, thinking as to who would pay for my lunch. I turned my head to look at Jordan. He had a goofy grin on his face. I looked back at that the lady behind the counter and shrugged my shoulders.

“I guess not. Thank you.”

I walked over to the table where Jordan was sitting and sat down. I looked over to him with a confused face.

“Now, how am I going to pay you back? I’m not comfortable with people paying for things for me.”

Jordan shook his head.

“Don’t worry about it. It was nothing. Just sit and enjoy your salad.”

I decided to let it go for the moment. I was too hungry to argue. The little piece of toast that Ryan gave me in the morning clearly didn’t do the trick.

Jordan and I sat in the cafeteria for what felt like hours, just talking about everything. He found out that I knew who he was, and was shocked that I didn’t freak out or anything. I kept the fact that my mind was on overdrive when I came to the conclusion to myself. I told him about Ryan and that I was only in Pittsburgh for three weeks, and hoped that everything went well. After we were done eating, we stood up and began to walk out of the cafeteria. After throwing out our trash, of course.

Jordan had insisted that he walked me back to Ryan’s room. I laughed.

“You make this sound like a date, Mr. Staal.”

He smirked. “Well, this isn’t but tomorrow night could be.”

He gave me a hopeful look. I looked at the ground. My mind immediately went to Pat. Then drifted to Ryan, and what he would think of it. Finally, I decided that this situation wasn’t about Pat or Ryan, this was about me. I wanted to go on a date with Jordan, and nothing should stop me. When Jordan and I stepped out of the elevator, I looked up at him.

“Okay.”

His face lit up like a little kid on Christmas.

“Really?!?”

I giggled. “Yes, Jordan. Now you can stop looking like a little boy that just got their Christmas wish.”

He looked to the floor, but I could still see his cheeks begin to flush.

“Okay, well I’ll give you my number and you can phone me tomorrow. I have practice until 3, but I’m free after that.”

I took his number and put it in my phone. I sent him a quick text to make sure that he had my number.

“It might work a little better if you text me after your practice. Just in case something’s going on here.”

He nodded and gave me a small smile.

“Sure thing, so I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

I nodded and waved as I walked into Ryan’s room. When I walked in, I saw Ryan sitting on his bed watching TV. When he noticed me, he shut the TV off and turned his head towards me.

“Oh lordy, did you meet Sidney Crosby?”

I stuck my tongue out at him. “No, I didn’t meet Sidney Crosby. Nevermind me, how did it go today?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Y’know, nothing new. Just felt like chemo did, kinda. Oh! That reminds me. What did you and Pat talk about after I left?”

I saw his eyes light up after he said Pat’s name. I didn’t want to lie to him, but telling him how I felt about Pat at that moment might not go over well. So I took the easy way out.

“Oh, y’know, the same old stuff. You.”

Ryan nodded his head with a small smile. He turned the TV back on and we relaxed watching some Disney Channel movie. After about five minutes, I felt my cell vibrate. I remembered I turned the ringer off when we got into the hospital. Looking down, I felt a smile spread across my face.

Jordan: So, I was thinking Chinese for tomorrow. Not a really formal place. Jeans will work.

I smiled while I replied.

Sounds like a plan to me. See you tomorrow =)

I was surprised how happy I was over this date with Jordan. I don’t know if it was because I didn’t have to feel guilty about Pat or anything. The only thing that was plaguing my brain was…

How do I tell Ryan?.......