The Middle

I stood outside the door to Ryan’s room as I waited for Pat to come out. I overheard him say that he had to take a phone call. When he walked out of Ryan’s office, I found myself at a loss for words. I had an entire speech in mind, but once I saw his face, it completely left my mind. He walked over to me.

“So…..”

My gaze left his but went towards the floor. I could sense that there were people around that could possibly over hear our conversation, so I asked in a small voice.

“You think we could maybe take this outside?”

I looked up at Pat watched him slowly nod. He had his jacket in his arms already, to make it more believable to Ryan that he was on the phone. He would need his jacket in case the hospital had no service.

We walked to the elevator in elevator in complete silence. Once we stepped in, Pat decided to speak.

“Look, about what I said earlier…”

I put my hand out in front of me, signaling him to stop and shook my head.

“No Pat, don’t say anything. I had all day to think about this, and I need to get this out. I just can’t do it in the building. I don’t want any of this getting back to Ryan. Not until it’s all sorted out, at least.”

Pat nodded and we heard the elevator “ding” and walked out seconds later. We kept the silence up between us until we exited the hospital. I didn’t know where I was going, but I kept walking. Luckily for me, Pat followed me. I would feel like a bitch if he would’ve just stood by the front door of the hospital and watched my walk away. That was the last think I wanted to do to him, especially since I had already done it once in the last 12 hours.

I found a semi-secluded bench about 5 minutes away from the hospital. I sat down and waited for Pat to sit beside me. I didn’t know where to start, so I just began to ramble.

“Look Pat, I don’t really how to begin this, but there is a lot that I want to say, so please bear with me.” He nodded and allowed me to continue. “First of all, I didn’t mean to walk away from you the way I did. I was shocked. You have to understand where I was coming from. I thought back in Chicago we had something. It killed me knowing that Ryan and I had to leave you behind, but I knew that you would’ve done something, or said something to make me want to stay.”

Pat scoffed. “You already told me all of this.”

I sighed. “Yes, yes I did and you shot it down.”

Pat raised his eyebrow at me. “How the hell did I do that? I don’t remember shooting you down in anyway shape or form. Hell, I just told you I’m in love with you less than 12 hours ago!”

Pat stood up from the bench and started to walk away. I hesitated for a few seconds before leaping off the bench and grab his arm.

“Pat please, hear me out.”

He turned around and stared at me. I could tell by the look in his eyes that I wasn’t telling him what he wanted to hear.

“Claire, you talk a lot about Ryan. How Ryan feels and my relationship with Ryan. I didn’t tell Ryan I was in love with him. I’m in love with you. I came out here because I thought you would maybe take a lesson from what I did and finally say how you feel.” He looked away from me and his voice got quiet. “I knew Staal wouldn’t talk to you, like I asked.”

I put my hand on his cheek and made him look at me. “Jordan did talk to me. He is one of the main reasons I’m standing here talking to you right now. After you told me you love me, my mind went wild. I didn’t know what to think, let alone what to feel. Jordan was the one who made me realize that I made the wrong choice. Leaving you in the hallway was the wrong choice. I don’t love Jordan, at least not the way I love you.” I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. This time, I wasn’t going to hide them from Pat. I wanted him to truly see how this was tearing me apart.

Pat looked at me, and I could see through my tears that he was thinking about something. I waited until he spoke.

“So, if you say you love me, why did you go out with Jordan in the first place?”

I walked back over the bench and sat down. Pat walked over to the bench, but had yet to sit down. He kept his eyes on the ground.

“I was hurt, Pat. When you told me on the phone right after Ryan and I arrived here in Pittsburgh, you said you wanted to ask me something. I was thinking you were going to ask me out on another date or to be your girlfriend or whatever. Then you flipped the switch and said what you wanted to ask me wasn’t all that important. Right after than phone call, I met Jordan. Did I develop some feelings for him? Yes, I did but they do not compare to feelings I have for you.” Pat lifted his head and met my eyes, but let me continue. “Pat, there are so many things I love about you, but among the top of those is the relationship you have with Ryan. I love that you go out of your way to put a smile on his face. You opened up your home to me, just so I wouldn’t have to work more hours at the UC to afford rent for an apartment. You didn’t have to do any of those things.”

Pat sat down on the bench, grabbed my hands and brought them into his lap. “I do those things because I care. I care about both Ryan and you.”

I nodded my head and wiped some of the tears that escaped my eyes away. “I know, I know. It took me to sit and listen to Jordan convince and Nat convince me to finally see it myself. And Ryan, oh God, Ryan. He missed you so much. He could sense that something was wrong between you and I, and was definitely not happy to see Jordan enter the picture. I’m sure he probably told you that, though.”

Pat let out a small chuckle and nodded. I pushed out a small smile through my tears.

“See? That’s another thing I love about you. Ryan trusts you. He can tell you anything. Hell, he tells you more than he tells me, and that’s saying something.” The tears started to come out like sobs and Pat pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me. I looked up at Pat with tears in my eyes. “Pat, I do love you, I do and I am so sorry that I hurt you by dating Jordan. I was confused, hurt, among other things. I’m so sorry.”

As much as I wanted to pull away from Pat’s embrace and let out my emotions on my own, I felt safe in his arms. I didn’t know what to else. I felt like I poured out every emotion for Pat, and now began to understand how he felt when I walked away. I was not waiting for him to say something, anything. He put his finger under my chin and my eyes met his.

“Claire…” he whispered. “Why are you doing this to me?”

I was confused. “Doing what?”

He ran his hand over his face. “Making me want to kiss you and walk away all at the same time.”

I couldn’t help but smirk. “Ryan calls it my stubborn charm.”

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Pat’s POV

I was sitting there with Claire, mentally kicking myself in the head for getting mad at her earlier. After she brought up the phone call that we shared, I could understand why she would be confused when it came to how I felt about her. I obviously didn’t think it would result in her beginning to date someone else, but I began to understand it a bit more now. There was still one question left unanswered.

“So where does this leave us?”

Claire furrowed her eyebrows, trying to come up with an answer. In my mind, I had an idea, but I didn’t want to be the one to drop the ball this time. Claire looked up at me with a small smile on her face.

“Well, how about when Ryan and I get back to Chicago in a couple weeks, you and I will talk a little more and we’ll see where it goes?”

I could see a glimmer of hope in her eyes, and it made me smile. I was happy that even after the turmoil that both of our hearts went through that day, she could still find the hope to go on and move forward.

“Well, I like that idea, but what if I added to it?”

Claire raised her eyebrow at me and sat up. “What would you want to add?”

I shrugged my shoulders, “well, what if we talked over dinner?”

I saw a small smile tug on her lips. “Patrick Kane, are you asking me out on a date?”

I let you a tiny chuckle. “Why yes, yes I am. Will you, when you get back to Chicago, go on a date with me?”

“Well, since you asked so nicely.”

This was why I loved this girl.

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Claire’s POV

The talk with Pat had gone better than I thought, and we planned on going on a date once Ryan and I got back to Chicago. We were sitting on the bench in a comfortable silence, just enjoying each other’s company. No words were needed. I pulled my phone out of my pocket to check the time. I realized that quite a bit of time had passed since Jordan dropped me off at the hospital. I looked up at Pat.

“What time did you leave Ryan’s room?”

I could feel his shoulders shrug. “I’m not really sure, why?”

I double-checked my phone before declaring the time. “It’s 7:30. I was just wondering if Ryan would be wondering where you were.”

Pat immediately popped up off the bench in a panic. “Holy crap! I should get back up there.”

I giggled at his excitement and he gave me a quizzical look. “What’s so funny? Ryan’s gonna freak on me!”

I laughed. “No he’s not. One of the nurses saw me, so I’m sure they might have said something. Even if they didn’t, I’m sure he heard my voice when I knocked on the door.”

Pat stood and thought for a minute. “Okay, I’ve got an idea. How about you go up to his room first? If he asks for me, say you saw me in the lobby on my cell. Then I’ll come up a couple minutes after you.”

I continued to laugh and shook my head. Looking up at Pat, I noticed that his face was stone. I stopped laughing.

“Oh! You’re serious.”

Pat nodded. “Uh, YEAH! Now come on, woman. Let’s hop to it!” He began to walk towards the hospital.

The giggles came back. “Oh my, you’re so childish.”

I got up off of the bench and followed Pat back to the hospital, still giggling to myself.

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Pat’s POV

Claire and I walked into the hospital. In my mind, I admitted to myself that my plan was childish, but I couldn’t think of anything else. I had told Ryan I went to take a phone call. How awkward would it look if I walked back in the room with Claire? Especially after telling Ryan that Claire and I weren’t speaking.

We reached the elevator when Claire turned to me, smirking.

“So, how much longer is your phone call going to take?”

I smirked. “About 5 minutes. Hey, don’t mock me. It’s a fool-proof plan.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t understand why we both can’t walk in his room at the same time.”

I raised my eyebrow at her. “Seriously? Are you aware of how easy it is for him to get info out of me? He knows. Mind you, he doesn’t know that I told you I loved you, but he heard the bickering between me and Jordan.”

She lightly chuckled and smirked. “Yeah, he has a way of making people talk, especially when they don’t want to.”

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Claire’s POV

The elevator “dinged”, and Pat and I walked out of the elevator. I turned towards him.

“You know, you could just say you finished your phone call as I stepped off the elevator.”

Pat softly chuckled, but then his gaze went over my shoulder and his eyes went wide. I was confused. I turned around, following his gaze. My heart stopped. Through the window, I could see a handful of doctors in Ryan’s room. I grabbed Pat’s hand and ran towards the window. Pat stopped and pulled me back. I raised my eyebrow at him.

“Pat, come on! We have to find out what’s going on.”

Pat shook his head. “No, you have to find out what is going on.”

I huffed and put my hands on my hips. “Are you really gonna play that card right now? Pat, you’ve been there for Ryan ever since you met him. You are a huge part of his life. You’re a huge part of my life. If you don’t wanna stay for me because you feel it’s too awkward after the day we had, that’s fine. But please, please stay for Ryan. He would want you here and you know that.”

Pat sighed and nodded. “Yea, okay. I’ll stay.”

I gave him a small smile and continued towards Ryan’s room. A nurse came up at stood in front of me.

“I’m sorry miss, you can’t go in there right now.”

My jaw dropped and my eyes widened. “What do you mean, I can’t go in there? That’s my little brother in there.”

The nurse nodded. “I understand that, but right now you and your boyfriend will have to wait until the doctors clear out to see him.”

I could feel tears brimming in my eyes for what felt like the millionth time that day. I stared at the nurse and hoped that she would begin to tell me what was wrong. When she began to walk away, Pat spoke to her.

“Excuse me, could you tell us what’s going on?”

The nurse stopped and turned to Pat.

“Well, I don’t have all of the answers, but I do know that he had a bad reaction to the treatment.”

I didn’t quite understand, we had been here for a few days and I thought that everything was going okay.

“I don’t get it. He’s had more than one treatment. Why would he have a bad reaction now?”

The nurse gave me a sympathetic look.

“Like I said, I don’t have all of the answers. This is a new treatment, and each patient reacts to the treatment differently. I’m sure the doctor will come out and explain more when he comes out.”

I still couldn’t wrap my head around this. Ryan seemed to be fine. Sure, the treatments made him a little weak, but he hadn’t said anything about him feeling worse. Pat put his arm around me and pulled me into him as the nurse walked away.

“He’s going to be fine, Claire. He’s a fighter.” He whispered and placed a kiss on the top of my head.

I wrapped my arms around Pat and began to let the light sobs escape as we waited for the doctors to exit Ryan’s room. Pat had brought me over to the bench that was right beside the door and I could feel myself getting sleepy. I tried to fight it. I wanted to be awake when the doctor came out. Pat began to softly rub my back and whispered to me.

“Go to sleep if you’re tired. I’ll wake you up when the doctor comes out.”

I nodded my head and let sleep consume me.

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3 hours later Pat’s POV

Claire was asleep in my arms, and I could feel myself getting sleepy as well. Just as my eyes were about to close, I heard the door beside me open. I shot my head up and watched 3 doctors walk out. I nudged Claire awake as I tried to get the doctors’ attention.

“Excuse me.”

One doctor turned to me. I opened my mouth to ask him what was wrong, when Claire leapt off the bench and stood in front of the doctor.

“How is he? Is he okay? Please tell me he’s okay.”

I thought that Claire was going to hyperventilate, so I stood up and put my hand on her lower back. The doctor sighed and began to answer the many questions that were running through Claire’s mind, and mine as well.