Rockstar Lost

Matt handed me a tissue and I graciously accepted it. Wiping my eyes, I looked down at the white, thin material and folded it.

“I’m sorry,” he said, lightly rubbing my back.

“Thank you, but it’s no one’s fault. The doctor’s say if it hadn’t happened then, it would have happened later.”

“Well it sucks that it happened at all in my opinion.”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I think maybe it happened because I wasn’t ready; that I was too young,” I openly admitted.

“How old were you?” he asked.

“19-20.”

“That’s not extremely young. I thought you were going to say 15 or something.”

“Well, in a small town it is. That’s why I moved here.”

“So, where’s her father?” he asked after a minute or two.

“Matt, I really don’t think I can talk about him tonight too. Telling you about Amberleigh was hard enough.”

“Okay, I understand. Do you have any pictures of her or anything?” he asked.

“Yeah, a few.” I got up and went over to my dresser. Pulling out a small pink photo album, I also grabbed her soft plush blanket. I sat back down beside him, handing them over for his curiosity.

He flipped the cover and the first picture was one of me when in a floral sundress. I was laughing and trying to hide my face from the camera when Ricky snapped the picture. At four months, I looked like I had a bag of brown sugar stuck to my stomach.

The second picture was one of Ricky and I at the beach. It was the first time I had ever been to the ocean and I absolutely loved it. We were standing knee deep in the waves while my friend captured it without us knowing.

As he flipped through the rest of the photos, including the ultra sounds and my progressive belly, he was quiet and listened to every story I had with the pictures. He smiled at some but didn’t really offer much to say. When he stopped at the last photo, I too became silent in memory of her. It was my favorite picture of her, really the only one I had.

It was taken right after she was born before they had taken her away from me. She had on her pink and blue striped cap and wrapped in a blanket with foot prints on it. I wiped away the tears that threatened me again.

Matt took my hand in his and shut the book. “She’s beautiful,” he said and looked at me.

“You know, I’ve always wanted kids. I don’t remember why or what made me decide, it’s just something I know. Just like I know I don’t have any but maybe someday I will. I can’t remember ever having someone in my life to have kids with, really. But that’s beside the point. What happened to her could have happened to anyone. I don’t know why things happen the way they do but I think God makes it work out in the end,” he finished.

“I never planned on having kids but I did and she didn’t make it. Sometimes I feel like he’s punishing me because I wasn’t ecstatic when I first found out. Ricky convinced me other wise and then when I accepted her, 7 months later she gets taken from me. I tell myself every day that God had nothing to do with it and that things work out but it’s hard. And then, ever so often I dream about what happen. It cuts the old wound again,” I explained, not sure why I was telling him this, other than the fact that I never opened up to anyone before and I was needing to get it off my chest finally.

It was nice knowing that I didn’t have to follow order with this conversation and started where ever I wanted to. He was listening and that was all that mattered.

After we talked about Amberleigh some more, the conversation switched into something that was a mutual topic and held no emotion for either of us to get upset or back into the previous topic. I yawned and looked over at the alarm clock, which read 2:28 am. I had to work and hadn’t been able to sleep much.

Matt, hearing me yawn, got up and went to the door, telling me to get some rest. I didn’t know why or what made me say it but I knew what I needed right now.

“Matt?”

He leaned back in with the door behind him and said “Yeah?”

“I know it’s stupid, but I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind laying here with me. Or at least until I fell asleep? You don’t have to but I…”

‘Don’t worry, if you want me to, I can he replied,” cutting me off mid-sentence.

I nodded in the faint light, hoping he would see me.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” he asked again before climbing on the bed.

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

He walked to the other side of the bed and pulled back the covers. Getting in, he situated himself as I laid down myself. Once he quit moving, I backed up next to him, which he didn’t reply but remained still.

“Hold me?” I asked and felt him bring me closer to his chest. He laid out his arm so I could use it as a pillow and wrapped his other arm around my waist. I sighed as I felt completely content here. It was like he was meant to be with me in a weird way. And I couldn’t deny that thoughts of doing this hadn’t crossed my mind before; just in fantasy.

“Thanks,” I told him.

“Anytime,” he answered back.

2 Months Later…

{Third Person POV}

Brian, Jimmy, Zacky and Johnny all sat around the studio, each with either an instrument or pen and paper in hand.

Everyone knew why and what they were here to do but none in the mood. It was hard to make music or write when their band mate was missing.

The whole atmosphere in the studio had shifted into an uncertain and uneasy mood, replacing the once alive and exciting one. The guys all knew and sensed this, yet couldn’t change it.

All people, including the label figured Matt would show up after a while and be perfectly fine. He would come waltzing in, snap everyone into motion and record some new songs.

But that didn’t happen.

How could M. Shadows, lead singer of Avenged Sevenfold, a very popular and famous band, go missing without so much as clue of his whereabouts? Surely someone would recognize him!

Brian threw the pen and pad across the lounge where him and Johnny were sitting.

Johnny looked up but wasn’t surprised by this action. Brian had been doing this for the past two hours. Watching, Johnny counted down Brian’s every move as he made his way over to the recently discarded items as he had for the tenth time.

Normally Johnny would have laughed at him but he understood; he was in the same shape, whether he showed it or not. Although he thought Brian would have learned throwing them would result in him having to get back up over and over again.

“Brian, are you up for the gym, ‘cause if you are, I’ll go get the others. I think we all need a breather.”

“Yeah,” Brian nodded, knowing that the short bassist was right. He needed a break and quick.”

“Alright, we’ll meet you out there.”