Finding Calix

My phone went off and I groaned as I sat up with a big frown and turned my alarm off. I got out of the bunk and grabbed my bag of clothes before walking into the bathroom. No one was up yet as it seemed, but that wasn’t surprising since it was only six-thirty. I quickly changed before going back to my bunk and grabbing my camera bags taking them to the front, I sat down on the floor setting them in a circle around me. I took them out and took them apart making sure everything was cleaned and working correctly. I was a little nervous about all of this, and just wanted to make sure nothing would go wrong on my first day of tour.

“Nerves already getting to ya?” Jackson asked coming out in a pair of basketball shorts, and throwing on a shirt. He had nice abs I would admit.

“I suppose, its just it’s my first tour and I don’t want anything to go wrong, that would make it my last.” I said and he smiled at me.

“I wouldn’t worry about it, you’ll be fine.” he said and I nodded.

“But you might want to talk to Ally and see who she’s getting pictures of today so you can decide who you’re going to shoot.” He told me and I nodded.

“Thanks for the advice. Do you have any interviews today?” I asked and he nodded.

“Yup, I’ve got one with Jack, from All Time Low, Beau, from Blessthefall, and Levi from Miss May I.” he said and my eyebrows raised.

“Separately?” I asked and he shook his head no.

“Wow that’s gonna be fun, is Ally getting pictures of them?” I asked.

“Yes, and I just hope shit doesn’t get too crazy, actually scratch that. The crazier the better the interview.” He laughed and I nodded.

“How exactly does that work, do you have to write down everything they say or…?” I asked genuinely curious.

“Well I actually just use a tape recorder.” He laughed again and I blushed.

“Mom?” I heard Mason say saving me from any future embarrassment.

“Out here buddy.” I called and he walked out rubbing his eyes sleepily. He walked over and I patted my lap. He came over and sat on my lap, looking around at all of the camera pieces.

“Do you need any help?” he asked me.

“Do you want to help?” He looked at me innocently.

“Uh sure.” He told me and I snorted accompanied by Jackson’s chuckle.

“Go play your game boy.” I laughed and he grinned.

“Hey mister do you want to play?” he asked Jackson who grinned and told him yes. Maybe I was stressing this a little too much.

As it turned out I was stressing out WAY too much, today was fantastic, I went and took shots of You Me At Six, who were fantastic, as well as Miss May I, Peirce the Veil, and We are the in Crowd. I sighed returning to the sign that stated all the bands. It was really late, about seven and only a couple bands still have to perform. I looked at the bands that were playing at or around seven. My eyes bulged as I saw the band that was playing at 7:30. It wasn’t possible; I should have looked at the list of bands before coming. I can’t believe this! I ran all the way back to the bus where I hoped to find Scout and Mason. But of course, my life wasn’t that simple and they weren’t there. I pulled out my phone and texted Scout. I didn’t get a reply and felt the panic slowly rising. I hadn’t had a panic attack in years, and I wasn’t going to allow this small issue to cause the first one I had in five years. Or at least I hope it wasn’t. I sat down and put my head in between my legs trying to breathe deeply. It wasn’t working and my breath came in small pants. This was bad, very very bad.

“Mama, are you okay!” Mason asked running to me with Scout only a few steps behind him. They were both looking at me worriedly, but Scout also had a knowing look.

“Mason can you go get your Mom water from the fridge in the bus?” Scout said and Mason ran inside.

“You need to calm down, do you really want Mason to see you like this, it will terrify him.” She said trying to calm me down but it was only making it worse. Of course I didn’t want Mason to worry or be scared, but I couldn’t help it and I couldn’t control it.

“Not (PANT) Helping(PANT)” I said and she shook her head.

“Is your inhaler here?” She asked and I tried to motion inside but I couldn’t catch my breath and was becoming dizzy. The door opened but she rushed over to it and went inside with Mason after telling me she’d be right back. The only thing that could make this worse was if he came walking around the corner. Oh god that was entirely feasible, I had to get inside. My breathing got worse and tiny black spots filled my vision. I crawled over to the door and reached up to open it, only to have it open and hit me in the face. I couldn’t even get enough breath to groan.

“Oh shit! I’m sorry Cal!” Scout yelled as she leaned down and handed me my inhaler. Now the black spots were much worse now, but that’s probably because I just got hit in the head with a fucking door! I took the inhaler and took a deep breath before putting it to my lips and taking two puffs. I held my breath for a minute before exhaling. Some of the black dots went away and my wheezing got a little better. With Scouts help I was able to make it inside and to the couch. I layed down on my back and suddenly felt small hands run through my hair. I looked up to see Mason’s blue eyes.

“Are you okay now Mommy?” He asked his voice layered with worry. I nodded my throat still dry and my breathing still erratic. Scout handed me water and once I felt a little better I sat up and took big ass gulps of it.

“Slow down, or else you’ll get sick!” Scout scolded. I did as she commanded and stopped gulping the water down. We all sat together for a while, I was still very shaky and every time I lifted my hand Mason stared at it as if it was some kind of monster.

“I’m fine now Mason, it’s just a little bit of an after effect.” I said trying to calm him down, when really I’m not quite sure if it was the truth. I still felt panic every time I thought about it, not to mention how bad my head hurt.

“Hey Scout can you get me some Tylenol?” I asked her and she went to one of the cabinet and grabbed the bottle. She brought it back and gave me two that I swallowed with a gulp of water. The door opened and Jack, Ally, Zoe, and Kyle walked inside only to give me a worried look.

“You look like he…,” Zoe started but caught herself “like heck.” She told me and I smiled lightly.

“Gee thanks.” I said a little sarcastically and they laughed.

“Sorry, what happened though?” She asked and I sighed.

“Uh I just had a small asthma attack, they happen sometimes, if it’s really hot outside, and I haven’t been outside much so I wasn’t used to the heat. It shouldn’t happen again.” I lied somewhat smoothly.

“Oh okay.” Jack said with a small smile. I pulled out my phone and looked at the time. It was 8:40 Mason would be getting tired soon and I still needed to get him dinner. And to back up that though I heard a small yawn come from the little boy in my lap.

“Hey if you can stay awake for just a bit longer I’ll make you a pb& j.” I told him and he nodded enthusiastically. I put him on the couch and he spoke with the other four while I made his sandwich. Once I was done cutting the crusts off I took that and a apple juice box to him. He dug in with a content sigh and I smiled. Not even uncrustable’s could compare to my pb & j’s . Once he finished it he looked at me happily.

“Another.” He demanded and I laughed before obliging him and made him another one. He ate that and then I sent him off to bed. Soon the others ate then headed off to bed themselves, leaving just me and Scout in the front.

“So what exactly happened, you haven’t had a panic attack like that since you came to my house and told me you were pregnant.” She told me and I looked down once again feeling nervous and uncomfortable, and I’m not going to lie a little scared.

“He’s here.” Was all I could manage to say and even then my voice cracked.

“Who?” she asked her eyes wide.

“Oli.” I told her and she breathed a sigh of relief.

“Oh thank god! I thought you meant Tom.” She said and I shook my head.

“You don’t understand, none of them know that Tom and I have a kid, if any of them see me I could be screwed!” I whisper yelled.

“Oh come on don’t you think your overreacting a tad? I mean it’s been five years, and you and Tom were only together for about a year and a half. No offence I’m sure they’ve already forgotten about you.” She said with a small frown.

“You’re right, and besides what are the odds that with everyone here I’ll run into Oli.” I said and she nodded.

“It’s been a long ass day. Go to bed.” She told me and I nodded standing up and going towards the back. I stopped when I noticed she wasn’t right behind me.

“What are you gonna do?” I asked her.

“I’m just going to call Alex before I go to bed. I left on a bad note the other day and I don’t want to leave it like that.” She said and I looked at her sadly.

“Do you want me to stay? For like moral support or something?” I asked her and she shook her head.

“Nah that’s alright, I’ll be fine.” She told me and I nodded.

“Alright, goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” She said and I walked to the back. I checked on Mason only to see his eyes were wide open.

“What’s wrong buddy?” I whispered.

“I can’t sleep.” He said sadly.

“Do you want to sleep with me tonight?” I asked him and he nodded. I picked him up and out of his bunk and put him in mine before crawling in next to him.

“Night Mommy.” He said and I smiled.