Status: Updating when I can which should be often... but it's my baby!!!!!!
Finding Calix
Faking a Smile
Calix POV
The next few weeks of Warped Tour seemed to go better than I ever could’ve hoped. Mason and Tom got closer every day, I was honestly surprised by how well he took the whole you’re a father thing and just rolled with it. It was so easy for him, almost like second nature. I suppose that I honestly shouldn’t be surprised, anyone as caring as he is was bound to be a great father, so as nice as it was I suppose I wasn’t really all that surprised at his ability, even under the circumstances. No the one that was truly surprising was Oliver, despite his apparent hatred for me he seemed to love my son. They’d spent numerous days together just walking around and seeing bands, visiting tents, or meeting people. Mason seemed to love him just as much as Oliver loved him. In fact Mason was the happiest I’d ever seen him, completely unconcerned with anything. He just walked around with this huge smile on his face, honestly it was a little strange to see him without a frown of concentration or contemplation on his face.
I hate to say it but I was actually a little jealous. Never in his six long years of life had I been capable of putting that smile on his face and Mason had been in his life for a matter of weeks and already he was happier than he’d ever been. It hurt me a little to think that he was happier with his father than with me. What was I doing wrong?
“Hey, what’s running through that ridiculously thick scull of yours?” Scout asked me from her spot on the couch next to me. I turned to look at her in confusion.
“Huh, what do you mean?” I asked her and she smiled sadly.
“Whenever you’re thinking serious thoughts you get this little wrinkle in the middle of your forehead, and your lips turn down the slightest fraction of an inch. It’s one of your tells; actually Tommy told me that a few years ago, when I met him that day when I came to ‘surprise’ you in Sheffield. In all actuality I came to England to berate you for not coming home. You saw right through it…”
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There was a knock on my apartment door and I groaned turning from my position seated in his lap to look into his beautiful blue eyes, with some puppy dog eyes of my own.
“Tommy do you love me?” I asked and he rolled his eyes in reply.
“Cause you know if you did you would go answer the door.” He shook his head with a laugh.
“You do realize that you’re going to have to move either way.” He replied and I nodded.
“Yes but if I go get the door, I not only have to move I have to get up and walk all the way across the apartment…oh wait you call it flat… and to the door. And to be quite frank I don’t really want to.” I said and he smiled grabbing my chin pressing a sweet chaste kiss to my lips before picking me up off his lap, as if I weighed as much as a sheet of paper, then set me down next to him on the couch. He stood up still shaking his head at my laziness and walked over to the door. I muted the television so I could hear who it was and when I did I felt my heart drop into my stomach.
“Oh- uh maybe I have the wrong room…or floor…hell for all I know I could have the wrong fucking building. This is just great, what a great fucking idea. Good job Scout, good job. You’ll just go to England and find your sister and it will all be fine.” Her voice began fading away and I was so torn between hoping for Tommy to stop her and hoping for him to just let her keep on walking.
“No, wait. Who exactly are you looking for?” He asked and my head dropped into my hands.
“Oh… uh Calix, Calix Henderson.” Scout said a tinge of hope in her voice.
“Oh well that’s good, this is her apartment, come on in.” he said, always kind and caring. I heard the shuffle of feet then the apartment door close, the footsteps continued into the living room. I looked up from my feet placing a fake smile of my face, and just in time as they walked into the room.
“Calix.” She said in greeting and I nodded in return then looked to see a confused Tommy standing next to her. I stood, trying to retain my happy face and hoping to god I wasn’t failing miserably.
“Tommy, this is my sister, Scout. Scout this is my boyfriend Tommy.” I introduced and Scout spared him a glance before looking back at me. She didn’t need to say a word for me to understand her look and thoughts. I’m positive they would’ve gone something like this: ‘School huh. Yeah right. You’re here shagging some guy while mom is dying hundreds of miles away and your selfish ass can’t even be bothered to visit.’ Yeah it would’ve been something like that, I thought and was surprised when a hand slid into mine. I looked down to see my fingers intertwine with Tommy’s, making me feel slightly more at ease. The uncomfortable silence probably tipped him off, letting him know I needed some support. If there was one thing that I knew about Tommy was that I could always count on him for support.
“So what are you doing here Scout? I thought you always hated to travel.” I inquired and the smiled she returned wasn’t really a happy one.
“Well I don’t but it would seem that the only way anyone in your family gets to see you is if we come here and I have missed my sister so dearly.” She said and I smiled a fake smile back in return.
“I’ve missed you too sis. Are you hungry? It’s a pretty long flights and I know you detest plane food.” She nodded and I motioned to the couch with my free hand.
“Make yourself at home, I’ll go start some food. Tommy, maybe you can keep her company, get to know each other.” I smiled at him and he nodded, releasing my hand but kissing my forehead, then made his way to the couch. I walked into the kitchen to start making food wanting nothing more than to be by myself. Why is it that just when things start to go well for me, everything turns to shit. It’s like the world is against me being happy, perhaps if I were happy the world would end.
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“So that was how he knew I was upset. I always assumed it was our awkward silence.” I replied and she smiled shaking her head no.
“Nope, it was your expression, while you were cooking, he told me you were upset and asked me if I knew why. I never really told him the full truth but I think he figured it out rather easily. He knew you very well, still does really.” Scout said and I shook my head.
“He has an uncanny ability to read people, I think that’s what attracted me to him in the first place…well that and his charm. Together those things are very dangerous and I believe Mason has fallen prey to him.” I said accidentally sharing my thoughts and her eyes widened.
“So that’s what the frowny face was about, you’re afraid he’s going to take Mason away from you, that Mason will love him more. Oh Cal, you know that isn’t possible. Mason loves you more than anyone, but he loves his father as well and it’s not fair to make him choose between you two. That is the reason why he is so happy right now, he has both of his parents, not just because Tom is here. He has a family now, a full-fledged family with a mom and a dad and an aunt and he’s happy. You’re not going to take that from him are you?” She asked and I shook my head at her absurdity.
“No of course I won’t take that from him…I just wish that I felt like I was more a part of their relationship. When there together it’s just Mason and Tommy and it hurts me that I feel like I wouldn’t be a part of it.” I said and she laughed.
“Calix you could be. You’re the one secluding yourself. Whenever Tommy’s around you run as far away as fast as possible, maybe one day you should stay and have a family day.” She suggested and I nodded noncommittally. Maybe that would work if I could be around Tommy without feeling like I was drowning in guilt, sadness, and regret. But the fact of the matter was that I couldn’t and to make things worse was on top of that I still felt an undeniable attraction to him, like some gravitational force was pulling me to him and I could do nothing to get out of its path. Sadly it would seem that getting out of its way wasn’t in the cards for me, so for now all I could do was attempt to avoid him.
The next few weeks of Warped Tour seemed to go better than I ever could’ve hoped. Mason and Tom got closer every day, I was honestly surprised by how well he took the whole you’re a father thing and just rolled with it. It was so easy for him, almost like second nature. I suppose that I honestly shouldn’t be surprised, anyone as caring as he is was bound to be a great father, so as nice as it was I suppose I wasn’t really all that surprised at his ability, even under the circumstances. No the one that was truly surprising was Oliver, despite his apparent hatred for me he seemed to love my son. They’d spent numerous days together just walking around and seeing bands, visiting tents, or meeting people. Mason seemed to love him just as much as Oliver loved him. In fact Mason was the happiest I’d ever seen him, completely unconcerned with anything. He just walked around with this huge smile on his face, honestly it was a little strange to see him without a frown of concentration or contemplation on his face.
I hate to say it but I was actually a little jealous. Never in his six long years of life had I been capable of putting that smile on his face and Mason had been in his life for a matter of weeks and already he was happier than he’d ever been. It hurt me a little to think that he was happier with his father than with me. What was I doing wrong?
“Hey, what’s running through that ridiculously thick scull of yours?” Scout asked me from her spot on the couch next to me. I turned to look at her in confusion.
“Huh, what do you mean?” I asked her and she smiled sadly.
“Whenever you’re thinking serious thoughts you get this little wrinkle in the middle of your forehead, and your lips turn down the slightest fraction of an inch. It’s one of your tells; actually Tommy told me that a few years ago, when I met him that day when I came to ‘surprise’ you in Sheffield. In all actuality I came to England to berate you for not coming home. You saw right through it…”
...................................................................................................................................................
There was a knock on my apartment door and I groaned turning from my position seated in his lap to look into his beautiful blue eyes, with some puppy dog eyes of my own.
“Tommy do you love me?” I asked and he rolled his eyes in reply.
“Cause you know if you did you would go answer the door.” He shook his head with a laugh.
“You do realize that you’re going to have to move either way.” He replied and I nodded.
“Yes but if I go get the door, I not only have to move I have to get up and walk all the way across the apartment…oh wait you call it flat… and to the door. And to be quite frank I don’t really want to.” I said and he smiled grabbing my chin pressing a sweet chaste kiss to my lips before picking me up off his lap, as if I weighed as much as a sheet of paper, then set me down next to him on the couch. He stood up still shaking his head at my laziness and walked over to the door. I muted the television so I could hear who it was and when I did I felt my heart drop into my stomach.
“Oh- uh maybe I have the wrong room…or floor…hell for all I know I could have the wrong fucking building. This is just great, what a great fucking idea. Good job Scout, good job. You’ll just go to England and find your sister and it will all be fine.” Her voice began fading away and I was so torn between hoping for Tommy to stop her and hoping for him to just let her keep on walking.
“No, wait. Who exactly are you looking for?” He asked and my head dropped into my hands.
“Oh… uh Calix, Calix Henderson.” Scout said a tinge of hope in her voice.
“Oh well that’s good, this is her apartment, come on in.” he said, always kind and caring. I heard the shuffle of feet then the apartment door close, the footsteps continued into the living room. I looked up from my feet placing a fake smile of my face, and just in time as they walked into the room.
“Calix.” She said in greeting and I nodded in return then looked to see a confused Tommy standing next to her. I stood, trying to retain my happy face and hoping to god I wasn’t failing miserably.
“Tommy, this is my sister, Scout. Scout this is my boyfriend Tommy.” I introduced and Scout spared him a glance before looking back at me. She didn’t need to say a word for me to understand her look and thoughts. I’m positive they would’ve gone something like this: ‘School huh. Yeah right. You’re here shagging some guy while mom is dying hundreds of miles away and your selfish ass can’t even be bothered to visit.’ Yeah it would’ve been something like that, I thought and was surprised when a hand slid into mine. I looked down to see my fingers intertwine with Tommy’s, making me feel slightly more at ease. The uncomfortable silence probably tipped him off, letting him know I needed some support. If there was one thing that I knew about Tommy was that I could always count on him for support.
“So what are you doing here Scout? I thought you always hated to travel.” I inquired and the smiled she returned wasn’t really a happy one.
“Well I don’t but it would seem that the only way anyone in your family gets to see you is if we come here and I have missed my sister so dearly.” She said and I smiled a fake smile back in return.
“I’ve missed you too sis. Are you hungry? It’s a pretty long flights and I know you detest plane food.” She nodded and I motioned to the couch with my free hand.
“Make yourself at home, I’ll go start some food. Tommy, maybe you can keep her company, get to know each other.” I smiled at him and he nodded, releasing my hand but kissing my forehead, then made his way to the couch. I walked into the kitchen to start making food wanting nothing more than to be by myself. Why is it that just when things start to go well for me, everything turns to shit. It’s like the world is against me being happy, perhaps if I were happy the world would end.
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“So that was how he knew I was upset. I always assumed it was our awkward silence.” I replied and she smiled shaking her head no.
“Nope, it was your expression, while you were cooking, he told me you were upset and asked me if I knew why. I never really told him the full truth but I think he figured it out rather easily. He knew you very well, still does really.” Scout said and I shook my head.
“He has an uncanny ability to read people, I think that’s what attracted me to him in the first place…well that and his charm. Together those things are very dangerous and I believe Mason has fallen prey to him.” I said accidentally sharing my thoughts and her eyes widened.
“So that’s what the frowny face was about, you’re afraid he’s going to take Mason away from you, that Mason will love him more. Oh Cal, you know that isn’t possible. Mason loves you more than anyone, but he loves his father as well and it’s not fair to make him choose between you two. That is the reason why he is so happy right now, he has both of his parents, not just because Tom is here. He has a family now, a full-fledged family with a mom and a dad and an aunt and he’s happy. You’re not going to take that from him are you?” She asked and I shook my head at her absurdity.
“No of course I won’t take that from him…I just wish that I felt like I was more a part of their relationship. When there together it’s just Mason and Tommy and it hurts me that I feel like I wouldn’t be a part of it.” I said and she laughed.
“Calix you could be. You’re the one secluding yourself. Whenever Tommy’s around you run as far away as fast as possible, maybe one day you should stay and have a family day.” She suggested and I nodded noncommittally. Maybe that would work if I could be around Tommy without feeling like I was drowning in guilt, sadness, and regret. But the fact of the matter was that I couldn’t and to make things worse was on top of that I still felt an undeniable attraction to him, like some gravitational force was pulling me to him and I could do nothing to get out of its path. Sadly it would seem that getting out of its way wasn’t in the cards for me, so for now all I could do was attempt to avoid him.
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Alright so here’s this chapter, sorry it’s kind of a filler but it does have some important things in it. I’m actually attempting to update both of my stories on here today and will hopefully at some point put up the first chapter of my Josh Franceschi story which is most of the way completely and will be fairly easy to post. Unfortunately my other two stories: Finding Calix and For the Monsters That I’ve Been are not complete, actually far from it, but I am working on finishing them. I’m really bad about updating my stories, I know, but I really going to try to update more regularly, but I’m not going to make any promises that I can’t keep. I hope that you guys really enjoy these stories and are willing to bear with me despite my sporadic updates. I promise that one day I will finish these! So as always comment, subscribe, rec, or tell me of any mistakes! Honestly comments do make me write faster, as it makes me feel like someone cares to read what I’m writing, which makes me want to write more.