Finding Calix

By the time we reached Scouts Mason was bouncing off the walls and making me a tad apprehensive about letting him eat any cake. I got him out of the car and he raced the door. I rang the doorbell and Scout answered at which point Mason proceeded to tell her about how he tied his own shoes. She gave him a high five before leading us inside. We walked to the living room and I looked at her to see her nod slightly telling me it was all set up.
“Hey Mace, how about you and Alex go and play in the backyard.” I suggested and they did, I followed a little ways away pulling out my phone and turning it on video. I pushed record and turned it just in time for them to open the sliding glass door that was covered with sheets to ‘block out the sun’. You could hear everyone shout “surprise” and Mason turned to look at me shock evident on his face.
“What’s going on Mom?” he asked and I turned the phone off and leaned down.
“Happy Birthday Mason.” I said and he hugged me before running outside and to his friends. Then of course the first place they went was the mountain of presents stacked up on a table.
“Can we open them?” he asked turning to me.
“Uh I think you need to wait a little. Its only twelve and this party needs to last for a while.” I laughed along with the rest of the parents as well as Alex, Scout, and Emily.
“Why don’t you go play for now?” I suggested and motioned to the expensive as fuck bounce house, then to the pool. He nodded and then ran to the bounce house followed by his friends. I went around saying hello to the parents and thanking them for their presents and for coming. Then I went to a corner with Scout, Alex, and Emily. I always hated being around other parents, they always looked at me pityingly, or disappointed. I didn’t want their pity. I know I had a child at a young age, he wasn’t a mistake and he was made out of love, a lot of love. Mason would never be a mistake and I hated it when people looked at me as if he was.
“So Scout.” I said turning towards her and receiving a look that said ‘Oh no what does she want now’. I grinned sheepishly and began.
“So I got a job…” I said
“What do you mean?” Alex asked.
“Well I’ve been offered to go take pictures on Warped Tour.” I said and felt a pang of giddiness which I squashed down not wanting to get my own hopes up.
“Cal that’s amazing, that’s been your dream since eighth grade!” Scout said and I nodded.
“The only…complication is Mason.” I said and she nodded
“Well we could watch him for you.” Alex suggested
“I’d really appreciate that, but I don’t think I could part with him for that long. I haven’t really been away from him for more than a day since he was born. So I was wondering if maybe…Scout would you come with me and maybe watch him while I have to take pictures, and when I’m not busy you could wander around and listen to sets and shit.” I said hopefully and saw her grin a little bit.
“Would your boss allow me to do that?” she asked and I nodded.
“Well then hell yes.” She said excitedly.
“… Uh not to be a party pooper but don’t you think you and I should discuss this.” He said and I was slightly shocked, you don’t tell Scout she should ask you first. It always pissed her off and I saw her eyes widen too.
“Well sure I could talk to you about it but ultimately it’s MY decision and I’d be going whether you want me to or not. First because my sister needs me and secondly because I think I need to do something fun too. You have your Man Break every other weekend.”
“My Man Break is only for two days and I’m not surrounded by a bunch of girls.”
“I wouldn’t know that because I don’t ever give you shit about it and I’m starting to think that this is an even better idea it would give us a little time to ourselves so I’m going and that’s the end of this conversation.”
“Well talk about this later.” He said stiffly and walked away as I looked at Scout awkwardly not really sure what to say.
“Sorry about that, but fuck yes I would love to go.” She said.
“Its okay but what was that all about, I’ve never seen you guys fight like that.”
“Oh yeah it’s nothing we’ve been fighting more often these days. I think it’s just were around each other a little too much. I think this time apart will be good for us.” She said looking down sadly and playing it as if it was nothing but I knew better I could tell she was upset about it.
“I’m sure it will turn out alright, and besides we could use a little sister time.” I said and she nodded.

We spent quite a bit of time chatting amongst ourselves and a few other people. As it got later Alex started up the grill and soon we ate. Now we were eating Mason’s transformers cake and of course he had it ALL over his face.
“Mason come here.” I told him and he did as instructed. I used my napkin to wipe his face, before letting him retreat to his buddies. Two minutes later he came back and waited politely for me to finish what I was saying, which made me proud because it showed I raised him with manners. When I was done telling Scout about the trip to Chucky Cheeses I turned to him.
“Yes little man?” I asked
“Can I open presents now?” he asked smiling.
“Hmmm I don’t know…” I said half messing around and half trying to get him to say please.
“PLEEEASE MAMA!”
“Oh okay...” I said and he ran over to the table getting a chorus of ‘Open mine first!’ He grabbed one from the pile and tearing the paper off revealing a Lego transformer. I sighed knowing he was going to have a lot of transformer toys, but then again he didn’t like much else.
“That’s mine.” A kid named Eli said and Mason thanked him then continued opening presents.

I swear if I ever had to see one more transformer I was going to kill myself. I mean don’t get me wrong I fucking love transformers but enough is fucking enough! Eventually all of them left and Mason and I helped Alex, and Scout (who still weren’t talking) pick up.
“Thanks so much for letting us have the party here Scout.” I told her as we walked towards the front door.
“No problem, well little man I hope this was your best birthday yet.” She said looking at Mason who nodded rubbing his eyes sleepily.
“Well I better get him home. I guess I’ll see you on Monday?” I asked and she nodded. I got Mason in the car and we started driving home. The second we were out of Scouts neighborhood he was out cold. I sighed and turned the music down so it wouldn’t wake him up. It had been a really long day and I myself was feeling very sleepy. I looked down at the clock on the stereo and was surprised to see it only read 8:30. Scout was right I defiantly lost my party mojo, I used to be able to go all night AND the next day.

Once we got home I got Mason inside and changed into his pajamas. As I was leaving his room his tiny fist grabbed a hold on my shirt.
“Story.” He said tiredly and I didn’t understand why he needed one when he was about to pass out again.
“Do I have to tonight Mace, Mommy’s really tired.” I said and he frowned.
“Please.” He begged and I sighed.
“Okay what do you want it to be about? I asked him and he sighed.
“Daddy.” He replied and let me tell you how fast that woke me up.
“What?” I asked shocked and appalled at the same time. I mean I knew this would come up eventually but never like this and not this soon.
“Will you just tell me about him? I know I don’t know what’s up and why he’s not here and I’m not asking because I know it makes you sad but… I just want to know a little about him.” He said and it brought tears to my eyes, he was acting so mature for a five year old and I just wished I could’ve done so much more for him, I wish I could be more for him. He deserved better than me.
“Well… h-he was amazing, he was a lot like you. Sarcastic, and funny, and always smiling, he always knew how to make me laugh just like you do. He loved me and he would’ve loved you. And I’m so sorry he’s not here and I….” I trailed off not knowing what to say anymore. It wasn’t fair to him or to Tom. I made this decision on my own when I’m not the only one who it involved and effected.

“I-I’m so sorry baby.” I said and he smiled at me as tears ran down my cheeks.
“I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He said sadly and I shook my head.
“Its not you.” I told him.
“What did he look like?” he asked in a small scared voice as if the question would set me off crying again. It did.
“He looked a lot like you as well. He had the prettiest blue eyes, just like your’s and he was handsome, so handsome. You will be a heartbreaker just like he was. He was into photography just like me.” I said and got an idea.
“Would you like to see a picture?” I asked him and he nodded his head.
“Come on.” I said standing and leading him to my room. I retrieved the box from my closet and pulled out the picture. I sat down on my bed and patted the spot next to me and he crawled into it. I handed the picture to him and he pointed to me in the middle and his eyes widened.
“Is that you?” he asked stunned and I nodded.
“You had blue hair!”
“Yup I was a little weird back then.”
“Back then?” he asked and I made a face at him.
“Which one is he?” he asked and I pointed to Tom.
“What are you talking about we look nothing alike!” he said and I smiled.
“Okay.” I said in a tone that clearly said yeah right.
“Thank you Mom, for everything. Today was awesome.” He said looking up at me with his cerulean eyes staring into my soul.
“No problem little man, you know I’d do anything for you. You know I love you a bunch right?” I asked and he nodded.
“I love you bunches too Mommy. Can I sleep with you tonight?” he asked and I nodded before kissing his forehead. We both clapped turning off the light, we cuddled up and fell asleep with the picture on the dresser next to us.