Mistakes We Wouldn't Learn From

[Zack]

“Alex, are we almost at your house yet?” Derek questioned.

“Yeah, I have to pee,” Jake Bundrick complained.

“We’ll be there in a few minutes,” Alex chuckled, and I rolled my eyes as I leaned against the window. We were finally back in Maryland at ten o’clock at night. All the bands had stopped to get Subway before driving back here. After dropping Rian, Evan, and Grieco off at their houses, we had all headed to Matt’s apartment. The other bands were able to park their vans in the parking lot of the apartment complex. Matt offered to let Cobra Starship stay at his house, since they were the smaller band. He and the five others would barely fit into his apartment as it is.

Alex and Jack both offered to let the Mayday Parade members, so the six of them split up. Jack had become friends with Alex Garcia and Brooks Betts, so those two and Jason Lancaster were dropped off with Jack at his house. Derek, Jake Bundrick, and Jeremy Lenzo were now in our van with us on our way to Alex’s house.

I wasn’t very happy about the fact that Derek was staying with Alex. I had hardly spoken to him after he ridiculed me a few nights ago. At first, I wasn’t sure if it had been on purpose or if it had just been because he was drunk. I had decided that it was on purpose after the smartass remarks and smirks that came toward me in the following days. Fortunately, not all of the Mayday Parade guys were assholes. It was just Derek.

“Zack, should I try to park the van in your driveway?” Alex questioned, poking me in the shoulder to pull me back into reality. I realized that he was turning onto our street.

“Don’t bother; it’s not going to fit with the trailer attached,” I shook my head.

“Alright. I’ll just park in front of the houses,” Alex said. He managed to park without knocking down our mailboxes, surprisingly. “I told my mom that you guys were staying with us, so just grab your stuff and come inside,” he said, turning to look at the other guys.

“Sounds good,” Jeremy spoke up as Alex turned the engine off. We all unbuckled and got out of the van, trying to find our bags in the dark. I was surprised to feel a hand push me against the van gently as I shut the passenger door. I looked up quickly and realized that it was just Alex.

“Holy shit, Alex. Don’t scare me like that,” I breathed with a slight laugh.

“Sorry babe,” Alex apologized before pouting at me. “I don’t get to sleep with you tonight.”

“It won’t kill you. Cuddle up with one of them,” I gestured toward the guys who were looking for their stuff, my words coming out more bitterly than I expected.

Alex frowned at the bitterness in my voice, “You’re not seriously mad about them staying at my house, are you?”

I blushed, glancing over at the others. Derek seemed to have heard Alex’s low tone, and he smirked at me. I scowled, looking back at Alex. “No,” I said. That was partially true; I was only mad about Derek staying at his house.

“Good. There’s nothing for you to be mad about. They’re nice guys,” Alex said with a smile, kissing me. I held back a bitter laugh and rolled my eyes, kissing him back. Someone cleared their throat a few seconds later, not even giving us a chance to have a good kiss. I looked up and saw that it was Derek. Dammit.

“You guys gonna do this for a while, or can we head inside?” Derek teased.

“Oh, um, yeah. Sorry,” Alex blushed lightly, shrugging apologetically at me. “I’ll see you tomorrow for the show, Zack.”

“Alright,” I said softly, kissing him on the cheek before heading up to my house. I opened my front door and closed it quietly, not sure if my parents were asleep yet. As soon as the door clicked, my parents were rushing into the kitchen.

“Zack!” my mom said happily, hugging me.

“Hi, mom. You’re squishing me,” I chuckled, and she let go.

“Sorry, honey. We missed you!” she said with a smile. I headed into the living room to set my bags down before sitting on the couch with them.

“So, how has your tour been so far?” my dad asked, sitting down beside my mom after she sat next to me.

“It’s fun. Tiring, but fun,” I shrugged. “It feels good to be sitting in a house with air conditioning.”

My dad laughed, “Is the van working out well?”

I nodded, “No problems so far. It’s working out really well for all of us.”

“How has your anxiety been?” my mom questioned, just as I knew she would.

“Fine, other than the panic attack I told you about,” I lied. I had called my mom after my previous panic attack like I told her I would. I hadn’t told her about my panic attack from when Alex and I had a fight, but she didn’t need to know about that.

“I’m glad you called to tell me about it. I thought you’d just let it slide, but I’m glad you actually called to tell us,” she said. “Have you been taking your medicine every day?”

“Um, except for that one morning, yes,” I said hesitantly. That was a lie; I hadn’t taken it this morning either. I felt fine, though – I didn’t need it.

“Good. I’m glad you’re being responsible about it,” my mom said cheerfully. I smiled weakly.

••••••••••

I didn’t leave my house until I had to head to the concert the next day. I was actually happy to be home for two days. Being able to do laundry and shower in warm water was awesome. Alex and I drove with Jack and the Mayday Parade guys back to Matt’s apartment. Everyone switched vans there and then we picked up Rian, Evan, and Grieco before heading to Recher Theatre for the show. Most of our parents were planning to go there to watch the show, which was a little different because they hadn’t come to one of our real shows before.

About fifteen minutes before we were supposed to go on, everyone was milling around backstage. Our parents had decided to stay at the back of the crowd instead of trying to stay backstage with us. With three bands and crew members, it was pretty crowded. Alex and Jack had gone out to talk to some of their friends. I was getting restless just sitting there with everyone. Rian must have noticed, because he poked me with one of his drumsticks.

“Hey, how about you go find Alex and Jack? They need to get back here so we can head on stage soon,” Rian suggested.

“Sure,” I nodded, heading out to try and spot Alex and Jack. Hopefully they were close by. I stopped as I got out by one side of the crowd. Shit. I had forgotten that I’d have to be around all of these people to find them. The crowd was huge, much bigger than the crowds at our previous shows here had been. Word seemed to have spread quickly about all three of our bands.

Not even two minutes after I had walked out to the crowd, I heard a voice that I hadn’t heard in a long time. “Hey guys, I told you he was here! It’s Merrick!”

I froze in my spot, heart nearly stopping. I didn’t even want to turn around. That mocking voice could only belong to one person. No, no, no, no, no. Please don’t be him. Please.

“I was wondering when I’d see you again, Zack,” the voice said, now right behind me. I took a deep breath and turned slowly to face Tanner, star of the Towson football team. He was the main person behind all the bullying I had endured at Towson. I thought I wouldn’t ever have to see him again after I left Towson! “Still mute, huh?”

“I’m not mute,” I muttered, barely audible over the noise of the people in the crowd.

“Sure seems like it,” Tanner snickered, along with the few friends standing a few feet behind him. I recognized them too; they had also bullied me.

“Just because I don’t talk much doesn’t mean I’m mute,” I said flatly, taking a step back toward the wall. Just being around him was making me feel like I was about to go into a panic attack. It was taking every ounce of strength I had to try and stay calm.

“I never would have thought you, of all people, would be in a band,” Tanner smirked, changing the subject. “Doesn’t surprise me that they’re all a bunch of faggots.”

“They are not.” I protested, my voice a little louder but still shaky.

He snorted back a laugh, “Sure. I know you’re dating that singer, whatever the fuck his name is. The other two definitely look like faggots, too.”

“They aren’t. Don’t fucking call them that,” I scowled.

“You think you can tell me what to do?” Tanner raised an eyebrow, obviously surprised at my harsh words. I don’t think I’d ever sworn at him before. “Who’s the person who made your life miserable? I’m pretty sure that was me.”

He pushed me in the chest, making me take a few steps back. “You say that like it’s a game,” I said, voice shaky. It hurt to see how many people still thought it was funny.

Tanner shrugged, “It is a game. To me and everyone else. It isn’t hurting anyone but you, and that’s because you’re letting it hurt you.”

I was quiet, feeling tears prick at my eyes. Is it really my own fault that I developed cutting and anxiety problems from all the bullying?

“Besides, if you weren’t a gay little asshole, you wouldn’t have had to deal with all of us in the first place. What kind of loser leaves the school when they get bullied? It’s a way of life,” he continued.

“Someone who doesn’t want to put up with it anymore,” I grumbled angrily. He just laughed.

“More like a little bitch that is afraid of anyone that comes near him. Someone that gets panic attacks from being near people,” he smirked. He stepped extremely close to me, taunting, “You gonna have a panic attack, or are you gonna kiss me?”

“Stop,” I squeaked out, stepping back. I forgot that I was right by a wall and I hit my head against it. My heart was pounding, and I was desperately trying to not go into a completely blown-out panic attack.

“Fucking faggot,” Tanner laughed again, stepping back.

“Hey! Who the fuck do you think you are, messing with him like that?” I could have cried in relief when I heard Jack’s voice. He had run up to us, looking pissed.

“Who the fuck do you think you are, acting like he matters?” Tanner shot back.

“Zacky’s my best friend!” Jack said, an appalled look on his face before he hugged me. Zacky. Yeah, that’s going to help.

“Oh, you must be his faggot boyfriend,” Tanner laughed once again, shaking his head at us.

“Actually, that ‘faggot’ would be me.” Alex had walked up to us, looking extremely angry. “Why the hell are you picking on him?”

“Just picking up where I left off,” Tanner said, shooting a smirk at me. I bit my lip, not wanting to say anything. He would just turn it into an insult. Jack’s arms were still around me, and I relaxed slightly into them. He didn’t seem to be letting go any time soon.

“Well knock it off. There’s no fucking reason for you to be taunting him. I don’t care who you are – you don’t bully someone who has gone through as much as Zack.” Alex narrowed his eyes, seeing how buff Tanner was, “And judging by the fact that you’re huge, I’ll have to assume that you’re one of the football players that constantly bullied him.”

“So he’s talked about me? That’s creepy,” Tanner said. He looked amused at the fact that Alex was bitching him out.

“Shut the fuck up. How about you leave? Why are you even here? Just to bully Zack some more and pick on his band? Because if I remember correctly, Zack is the one in a band. Not you. He’s got talent,” Alex said, glaring at him.

“I actually came here to see Cobra Starship, for your information. Why don’t you little faggots just fuck off? Go play your show and then leave,” Tanner spat back.

Alex began to protest, but I pushed Jack off me and grabbed Alex by the elbow. “C’mon, Lex. He isn’t worth the time.”

Alex glared at Tanner one last time before following Jack and I backstage. “Fucking asshole. He has no fucking right to be bullying you!”

Everyone looked up at us as we came in, falling silent at Alex’s choice of language. “What crawled up your ass?” Matt questioned.

“Some prick was bullying Zack,” Alex muttered, swinging his guitar strap over his shoulder. He suddenly looked up, his eyes lit up. “Gabe, can you do me a favor?”

“Uh, sure?” Gabe said, raising an eyebrow and standing up.

Alex turned to me, “What was that asshole’s name?”

“Tanner Smith,” I said hesitantly. What was Alex going to do?

“Okay. Gabe, I want you to go out there and find a creative way to get Tanner Smith pulled out of here. He’s here to see your band, but he’s being an asshole and needs to be kicked out,” Alex said.

Gabe grinned, “Sounds fun. I’ll be right back.”

“Alex.” I sighed, shaking my head at him as Gabe went onstage.

“What?” Alex asked innocently.

After a minute, we heard Gabe speaking into the microphone. “Hey, everyone! Gabe Saporta from Cobra Starship here. I just need your attention for one minute before the show starts. Is there a boy named Tanner Smith in the room?” There were a few laughs and cheers as people obviously pointed him out. “Thank you. Can I get someone to escort this young man out of the building? I’ve heard he’s been an asshole to my friends, and I don’t want him in here if he is going to treat people like that.”

We all laughed as jeers and laughs erupted from the crowd while Tanner was kicked out, and Gabe came backstage with a satisfied smirk. “You should have seen the look on his face.”

“Nothing like being told off by the singer of your favorite band,” Alex laughed, and I smiled. The things that boy does for me...