Mistakes We Wouldn't Learn From

[Zack]

“Zack?”

“Is he dead?”

“I think he’s starting to come to.”

“Someone get some water.”

“I’ll splash it on his face if you want.”

“Jack, shut up.”

I groaned and opened my eyes, blinking and looking around. I was sitting on the edge of the van and everyone was crowded around me.

“Zack! Thank god,” Alex breathed a sigh of relief, hugging me. He was sitting next to me. I didn’t bother to push him off me because I felt so weak.

“What happened?” I mumbled.

“You passed out while I was talking to you. You’ve been out for like five minutes and I was about ready to take you to the hospital,” Rian said, looking just as relieved as Alex.

Alex had stopped hugging me, but he was holding onto my hand tightly. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“Here,” Rian said, handing a McDonald’s hash brown to me. I began to protest and he shook his head, “No. No arguing with me. I want you to eat that, and if you can keep it in your stomach then you’re eating a breakfast sandwich.”

“But I don’t want to,” I whimpered, pulling the hash brown out of the wrapper.

“I’ll tell your mom if you don’t,” Rian warned, and my eyes widened. She would kill me.

“You have to eat, baby,” Alex murmured, wrapping an arm around me.

Jack nodded, “Yeah, you’ll die if you don’t.”

“Jack!” Matt glared at him.

“What? Sorry!”

I sighed heavily and took a bite of the greasy hash brown. It wasn’t until I swallowed it that I realized that I was actually really hungry.

“So why did you do this to yourself in the first place?” Evan asked me, raising an eyebrow.

“I hate how I look,” I mumbled, looking down so I wouldn’t have to look at them.

Grieco chuckled, “Seriously? You’ve gotten ripped in the last few months. How can you hate that?”

“I’m too self-conscious. We’ve been meeting so many people, and... and someone else seems to think I’m ugly and worthless, so...” I trailed off.

“Who the hell told you that?” Alex asked, scowling. When I took a bite of my hash brown and didn’t respond, his lifted my chin up to look at him. “Who told you that?”

“D-Derek.”

“Derek Sanders?” Rian asked, eyes wide. “Isn’t he the one who called you a baby at the beginning of the tour, when you and Alex had a fight? When you were having a panic attack?”

“Yes. I told you he was an asshole,” I grumbled.

“What’s he been doing?” Alex demanded.

I took a shaky breath, “He keeps teasing me. He’s been telling me I’m a loser for having to take that medicine. He told me that I’m ugly and horrible and no one should like me. And he’s the one who told me that I’m not good enough for Alex and said he could find someone without as many problems as me.”

“I’m going to beat his fucking ass!” Alex exclaimed, and I yanked my hand away from his because he was clenching his fists without realizing it.

“Alex, chill out. Zack, why didn’t you tell any of us?” Matt questioned.

“Why did you lie to me about him every time I asked if he upset you?” Alex asked, looking upset.

I shrugged, taking another bite of the hash brown. “I didn’t want to. I knew Alex would get pissed and I didn’t want to ruin the tour.”

“Well I don’t think any of us want to tour with an asshole who acts like that to you,” Jack said, frowning. The others nodded in agreement.

“But it’s our first tour – who knows if we’ll get this chance again?” I asked in a small voice.

“That’s not important right now. Let’s just focus on making sure you’re okay,” Rian said, interrupting as all of the others started to speak up.

“Zack can have all my food,” Jack offered.

I shook my head, smiling weakly, “No thanks, Jack.”

“As much as I’d like to shove a bunch of food into him too, he needs to take it slow – his stomach hasn’t had much food in it lately so it isn’t used to digesting a ton of food,” Rian pointed out. He frowned suddenly and looked at me, “Wait, if you haven’t been eating, how have you been taking your medicine?”

“I, uh, haven’t been taking it at all for a week or two,” I admitted, putting the rest of the hash brown into my mouth to avoid talking for a minute.

“Jesus, Zack. Are you trying to kill yourself?” Rian asked, sounding exasperated with me. Ouch. That hurt. My face fell and I swallowed my food heavily, looking away from Rian. He sighed, “I didn’t mean it like that, bro.”

“Watch what you say, Ri,” Alex murmured, putting his arm around me. I knew he didn’t mean it that way, but it still stung a little.

“So... what are we going to do about the show tomorrow?” Matt asked, breaking the awkward silence.

“Zack’s not playing,” Alex, Rian, and Jack spoke up almost at the same time.

“I’d argue, but I definitely don’t feel well enough to play,” I sighed, leaning my head on Alex’s shoulder. He rubbed my back gently, looking up at the others.

“Do we have enough money to stay in a motel for a night? It might help him rest up faster,” he said.

Rian nodded, “I think so, if we find a cheap motel somewhere. A good night’s sleep and some food will help him.”

“You sure he doesn’t have to go to the hospital?” Grieco asked doubtfully, looking at me. Did I really look that bad?

“I think he’s okay for now. We just need to make sure he gets plenty of water and healthy food to build up his strength,” Rian said.

“Well let’s head out then. Matt can call the other bands and tell them we have to drop out of a show or two – just tell them Zack is sick. We’ll drive around and find a motel to stay at,” Alex said, starting to stand up. The others began to get into the van. I grabbed the back of Alex’s shirt as he stood up, and he turned around. “What, babe?”

“I want that breakfast sandwich that Rian offered me,” I said sheepishly, blushing. Alex grinned and kissed me on the cheek before nodding and pulling it out of a bag for me.